Got to get going

Just a note to say:

1) I'm taking my friend to a colonoscopy -- not just a routine one. I hope everything is okay

2) I seem to be getting another cold -- sh*t

3) God I'm gorgeous

Have a great day

Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightening ...

I heard it's going to snow. Look at my happy face.

Started my Dreamweaver class last night (stop singing that song Peter and Sue). I love Dreamweaver -- you push a button and it puts in all that code I spent 6 weeks learning. It's like finding out if you just push a button all your work would get done. It's a miracle I tell you, it's a miracle.

Today is my clean the closet days. Can't wait to see what I find in there. Jimmy Hoffa, are you in there?

Staycation

Tonight Glee will be having its Rocky Horror Picture Show episode and I already have my CD. Can't wait to get home from school and watch it. Oh yes, I'm still taking classes. Tonight I start four weeks of Dreamweaver (please don't sing that song I hate it).

Perfect weather for an at-home, indoor staycation. It's gloomy and wet and "brisk" outside so it's nice to be in here playing on my computer, cleaning my closets, and, well, napping. Hey -- it's my vacation I can do whatever I want.

So you enjoy your day -- whatever you may be doing.

My New Niece (In Law)

Perry and Camila got married yesterday in Santiago, Chile. Here is a picture my niece Britta sent via her iphone. I'm hoping for better pictures soon.

I've started my week of vacation with a fun evening of games with my friend Peter, Sue and Sue. Have you ever laughed so hard you think you will never be able to breath again? Well that's the kind of fun I had on Saturday. I even laughed so hard I tooted and unfortunately Freckles wasn't in the room so I couldn't blame her.

Then Sunday night I had a turkey dinner at my sparents. My friend Lori was here visiting. It was a lot of fun too.

But when I got home last night I had one of the worse scares of my life. Freckles and I were in the elevator when we got to our floor, Freckles got out of the elevator and I was picking up my grocery bags when the door closed and Freckles was on her leash and I had the other end. Then the elevator started going up and I tried to rip the leash off the handle (it was a retractable leash) but I couldn't get it to budge. The elevator went up to the 4th floor before I could get it to go back down. I had this image of poor Freckles hanging and choking and I was hysterical. Fortunately the leash pulled the collar off her head (she's done that herself when we've been at the park) and she was just scared when the door opened. But boy did she get a lot of love and treats last night and I think my blood pressure finally went back to normal sometime around 3 this morning.

So it's vacation time. Yippee.

Quite An Achievement

I am very proud of myself. Last night I went to Target and I bought only the items on my list. OMG. If everyone did that Target would be out of business in a week. Going to Target just for toothpaste is like going to a whorehouse for a handshake ... you just got to have a little more.

I heard the average shopper spends almost $100 each trip to Target. Of course it helps if I stay away from the area with the knick-knacks. You gotta love them knick-knacks you old patty whack.

My friend Annie is coming over tonight for dinner and a movie. I'm making hamburger helper, another gourmet meal from the Kitchen of Mary.

Vacation is only a few hours away. I can feel it coming on. Where are my flip-flops and tankini?

It's Almost Here

No not Christmas (although that's almost here too) ... my VACATION. I'm taking all of next week off. I figured if I can't be in Chile I still can be on vacation.

I'm not going anywhere but I'm going to have a great time. I know you'll be jealous when I tell you so don't read any more if you can't deal with disappointment ... okay I'm going to work on my new blog/website and clean-out my closets.

Yep, that's my idea of fun. Of course in between I'm going to take my friend to a Roto-Rootering (aka colonoscopy) and go to a movie with some other friends.

In anticipation of my vacation I have been cleaning my office. Yesterday I got one of those big barrels from the building and filled it with crap and stuff. I should open a store called CRAP & STUFF. Oh look a butterfly.

What was I saying, oh yes I was cleaning out my office and I found a SHINY OBJECT, SHINY OBJECT.

Oh never mind. Have a good Thursday.

Another One Bites The Dust

First June Cleaver, now Howard Cunningham and Sheriff Amos Tupper. They are dropping like flies. RIP Tom Bosley. Did you know that Aaron Spelling wanted him to be in "Charlie's Angels" but he decided to do "Happy Days" instead. That's why the character was named "Bosley." That's an interesting fact huh?

I hate losing all these people that I grew up with. And they go in threes so I'm wondering who is next? We've lost mom (June), dad (Howard) and next will be .... ? In 2009 in was Ed McMahon, then Farrah Fawcett, then Michael Jackson. I was sure it was going to be someone who's named started with a "G" but I was wrong. Is it a sin to hope it's Michelle Bachman or Rush Limbaugh? Well even if it is, I have such a pile of sins one more won't matter.

In A Mood

I woke up early this morning and just laid in bed thinking "What's the point?" I get up and do pretty much the same thing I did yesterday -- I take a shower, walk the dog, go to work, eat my lunch, come home, walk the dog, watch some TV, go to bed. Tonight I break the routine by going to school.

I actually think what's bugging me is tomorrow my family leaves for Chile (yes that place with the miners) to go to my nephew's wedding and I'm not going to be there. I feel really sad I can't be part of it. I know he understands -- he says he's putting a life size cutout of me by the bar so it will be like I'm there -- but I feel bad. When he was growing up I was always there at his games, concerts, whatever. And this Sunday is probably the biggest day of his life and I'm not there.

Okay, off the pity pot and off to work -- oh sh*t I think I'll just stay on the pity pot.

Goodbye June, Hello Winter, and What's Her Name

My goal this morning is to remember to bring my winter coat to work so I can get the zipper fixed. It broke last year but I couldn't take it in to be fixed because, well it was too frickin' cold and I needed my coat. I just remember this a couple of weeks ago and have since been determined to take my coat to the Sew What in the Skyway by my office but have yet to follow through. It is one of those things I think about when 1) I'm in the car miles away from home; 2) on the bus miles away from home; 3) in the shower; 4) falling asleep; or 5) when I pass by the Sew What in the Skyway by my office. Today I thought about it in the shower -- that and trying to remember the name of the fourth woman on Sex & The City (I can always remember Miranda, Samantha, and Carrie but always forget Charlotte which is understandable because she is the character who is the least flamboyant.)

This is the sort of thing that makes me wish I had a "person" or a "wife" or someone to see to my little tasks. I could simply call them and say "Don't forget to get my winter coat fixed" and voila it would be taken care of.

I want to be sure to say RIP to Barbara Billingsley. The mother of Beaver Cleaver and the woman who spoke jive on Airplane she brought a lot of smiles to the world. Of course, her best line will be "Ward, don't be so hard on the Beaver." That still brings a smile to the face.

TGIF

Good morning ...

Life is much better when you don't have to get up at 5!!!!!! I realized two things yesterday -- first I'm too old and/or out of shape to be lugging crap to conferences. By the time I got to our table I had probably ended up walking three blocks pushing a cart and I was sweating like a pig. When I got back to my car I just sat in there trying to catch my breath. Same thing walking stuff back to the car. I need to get in better shape, not for work but for me. That was pathetic. When I first got Freckles one of the things I was looking forward to was going for walks with her. Unfortunately Freckles is not much for walking ... we walk and stop and walk and stop and walk and stop. It can take me an hour to go one block. I'm going to have to leave her behind and just take a walk by myself.

The second thing I realized was that I really didn't belong at the seminar I was attending. I'm just not a suit and pumps kind of person. I like marketing but not sure that the field I'm in is the best place for me. I have a lot of thinking to do.

Well, off to work. Have a good weekend.

Who Turned Off The Lights?

Yes it's me in the dark because it is 6 in the morning. I have to be at the Convention Center by 6:30 to set up a booth for a conference today. OMG it's early. Yes, I know many people get up at 5 every morning but I don't. And then, I'm sitting here thinking what the heck is that noise and I realize our building's caretaker is outside with his f*cking leaf blower. You don't blow leaves (or anything else for that matter) at 6 in the morning. He is a moron wrapped in an idiot. Now you are beginning to see why I don't get up at 5 in the morning -- I'm very cranky.

Plus, Freckles isn't here. I knew I'd never be able to get myself and her up and ready by 6:30 so she's spending the night at doggie daycare. I miss her. Okay, I have to get going. Yikes, it's early.

Stop It! Stop It! Stop It!

The guy sitting next to me in class last night, and the week before, is constantly cracking his knuckles and neck. What the heck? I just want to turn to him and yell STOP IT. But, of course, I didn't. The only time I ever told someone to stop was when I was at a play and the lady next to me pulled out a nail clipper and started clipping her nails. Not only were there nails flying everywhere but you could hear it everywhere. It was so incredibly rude I finally turned to her and said "Either stop that or go outside and clip your nails." She looked like I was being unreasonable. I was actually afraid she would take off her socks and start on her toenails.

Happy Wednesday.

Mind Your Pee-Pee's and Q's

I was in the elevator going home yesterday and someone said "Are you going to watch the big game tonight?" and I had absolutely no clue what they were talking about. Apparently I've totally lost interest in the Vikings. I had heard background noise about Randy Moss returning and Brett Favre sexting someone and couldn't have cared less. Not sure how or when it happened, but my interest in sports, with the exception of the Twins, is non-existent. And even my interest in the Twins is not of the level that would keep any major league team afloat or probably even a little league team.

I went online to find out what the whole Favre matter was about and just shook my head. I can't believe how stupid men can be. There is the obvious question of the idiocy that makes them believe that if they cheat no one will ever find out. If you are slightly famous, and you cheat someone will find out -- that's a given. There are herds of websites and reporters out there who are doing nothing but looking for scandals. You are not going to be the exception. But the less obvious question, and really the most important one is, why do men think we want to look at their pee-pees? They aren't pretty, or impressive, or interesting.

When women are younger they have a curiosity, but in reality, after seeing a dozen or so pee-pees, I think 98% of us would prefer you keep them holstered. Yes, we know you like to look at breasts and such but we really don't have the same need to peek. Actually if you are going to send a picture most of us would prefer a nice behind. And most of us would prefer if that nice behind was associated with a nice person and a splendid brain. Now if all of that is covered with Keifer Sutherland looks I wouldn't complain.

The Urge to Purge

It was like summer this weekend. You don't normally see people in Minnesota walking around (or jogging around) in shorts and t-shirts in October. I think last year it had snowed in early October. Well I'm not going to fall for it (get it fall for it, like autumn for it) because I know old Mama N has a trick up her sleeves. But boy would it be nice to have this for a few more weeks.

I am very proud of myself for getting so much done this weekend. I put out my fall/Halloween decorations but this time I went through my three containers of stuff and sent a lot of it off to the Goodwill store. I'm slowly going through my "stuff" and deciding what I do or do not want/need. The two biggies will be books and DVDs. I have tons of books I'll never read or will never read again and although I love bookcases filled with books, they look so noble, it really doesn't make much sense to have them around. The same with DVDs. I have movies I've never watched that I won at work. I have movies I bought that I've never watched. And I have movies I've watched but will never watch again (i.e. Date Night, Sex & The City, Mama Mia). Okay I might watch Sex & The City for the shower scene but that's it. Last week I returned a movie to Netflix that I had since May. I'm not going to be on hoarders, but I understand the reluctance they have to part with things -- although I'm not certain how attached I could become to old pizza boxes and dirty litter trays.

Now I have the urge to purge not just at home but work. I'll keep you posted on the great clean-up of 2010.

It's A Nice Day Out

I'm not sure but I think it's summer again. But I don't care how much Mother Nature tries to mess with us, I'm not shaving my legs again until spring. You have to have standards and stick with them.

We get 1/2 a day off today at work because it's a nice day out. That's always a nice perk. I still think every once in a while it would be fun to get 1/2 a day off because it's cruddy out and we should go home and take a nap. I feel like if you get time off because it's nice out, then you should actually be outside, frolicking and I'm not a big frolicker. Oh well, I'll just enjoy the time. Perhaps I'll frolic a little bit, until the neighbors call the cops.

Numbers Are Making Me Crazy

My friend Peter is going to Chicago to run in a marathon. One of the reasons he is going is so he can get a t-shirt that says 10-10-10. I was telling this to a friend the other night and said "I can't wait for 2013 because then we won't hear it's 1-1-1 or 9-9-9 or the dreaded 6-6-6 anymore," and she said "Well what about 11-12-13." And she's right. So I’m thinking 2015 but wait 5-10-15. 2016 – no 2-8-16 (2x8=16) oh the madness. It will never end. I'm pretty sure I won't be around to see 1-2-34 or by then I'll be 80 and I won't give a sh*t.

P.S. -- Come on Twins beat those Yankees. I hate the Yankees.

Three Of A Kind

Yes, I racked up another "Certificate of Completion" last night and I really earned it. If this keeps up I'm going to need a bigger -- wait for it -- file to put them in. Yes, I can see myself in a nice little expandable red rope folder, can't you? Next week I'm on to Cascading Style Sheets and I expect it to be as exciting as it sounds.

Actually it sounds like something you'd read in a travel brochure -- come to Minneapolis and see our cascading style sheets. I've been promised less code and more fun. Less Code, More Fun; Less Code, More Fun; Attica; Attica.

Off to the old salt mines.

Another One Of Life's Little Lessons

When you fill the dog food container, take out the measuring cup first -- that's very important. And since the measuring cup I have is actually clear and the one you see in here is the one I used because the last time I filled the dog food container I left the measuring cup in there which, by the way, was orange because, yes, it had replaced the clear one because the time before that when I filled the dog food container ... well you get the picture. I'm thinking of wearing those kid mittens with the string and clips on them when I put in more dog food and attaching the clips to the measuring cup. And if you're asking why don't I just use the clear cup, it is also in that pile of dog food. I just left it in there so I wouldn't "lose" it. Before long all my beverage containers will be in there and I'll have to drink out my hands.

I stayed home from work yesterday and went to the doctor. I apparently have a bit of bronchitis. Not sure what "a bit" exactly means but I was given some antibiotic pills that are ginormous and look like you would use them not for "a bit" of bronchitis but for "a sh*tload" of bronchitis. I also have prednisone for my asthma so hopefully I'll stop whistling every time I exhale. I use to have a neighbor who had a hole in his throat (I can't remember what those are called -- wait I'll go look it up -- it's a tracheotomy) and when he would exhale he'd whistle. The kids thought it was cool but I'm sure it became annoying at some point to people who lived with him. Of course the really cool part was when he smoked through the hole. Is it any wonder I started smoking - I mean it looked so cool.

Well back to work and school so I should probably have a relapse on Wednesday.

A New Law Is Needed

It should be socially acceptable to walk around with a Kleenex stuck up you nose if you have a cold.

So I've eaten three servings of Szechuan food, the first two went down very well because I couldn't taste anything, but the third -- yikes -- my mouth was burning, my lips were in pain, and my canker sore was on fire.

Freckles has learned a new trick. She gets a treat when I bring her back into the house after going potty, and now she goes and sits at the door whenever she wants a treat. Well mom is on to her game and I'm not falling for it.

I wonder if it's the changing of the seasons but she has been ravenous lately. Pacing the floors looking for food. Maybe it's an animal thing trying to put on weight before the winter. That's probably why they bring out the Halloween candy in August - so we animals can get ready for winter when we all hibernate and don't eat. Yeah right.

Happy Birthday Geri

Today, one of my favorite people in the world, Geri, turns 60. This is a picture of her with her daughters.

Geri and I worked together many years ago (early 90s) at a law firm. We both were in the word processing department. Before Geri started, our supervisor said to me that she was a little concerned about putting Geri and me together. Well she was right. We had way too much fun at work and were often called on the carpet for it. She has more friends than just about anyone I know. At her birthday party last night there were at least 10 people there that she had met on the bus. That's Geri. While most of us get on the bus, put in our earphones, and bury ourselves in a book or close our eyes, Geri starts talking to the people around her -- whether they want to talk to her or not.

I have so many great Geri stories but my favorite one is still one day Geri was walking into work from the parking lot behind the Orpheum Theater. One of our cities upstanding street people had already had a little too much orange juice that morning and came up to Geri. He looks at her and says in a slurred voice "You're so pretty you deserve a whistle" at which point he tried to whistle but it turned out to be more of a raspberry. OMG, that would only happen to Geri. And then there was one day a couple years ago when I went to pick her up at her condo. She lives on Excelsior Blvd and I was waiting for her across the street. She was standing at the curb waiting for a chance to cross when all of a sudden a Metro Mobility bus pulls up and stops in front of her. They thought she was waiting for her. I thought we were going to hurt ourselves we were laughing so hard.

That's probably what I love best about Geri, she doesn't take herself too seriously. When things like this happen she laughs and tells everyone about it.

Happy birthday Geri -- and many more.

Determined to Feel Better

I just finished eating a big serving of Imperial Chicken from The Lotus. Normally I get it "mild" because I can't take the heat but today it is full on spicy. I can't taste anything but my lips hurt so I know it's working. My mom's friend, Jean George, always said Szechuan food will move a cold along. Since I am one of those people who buys the Pace Extra Mild picante sauce (which is basically the same as buying a can of tomatoes), anything spicy makes my eyes water and nose run which is exactly what I want.

Run you f*uckin' germs -- I'm after you. I also went to Walgreen's and got the super strength Sudafed. Now in order to get this you have to show a picture ID which is put into their "system." I think this means it is sent to the DEA to see if I'm on a watch list. Well at first the "system" rejected me and I thought oh no, the 60s and 70s have finally caught up with me, but she had spelled my name wrong and it finally approved me. It should be that difficult to buy liquor or cigarettes but it isn't. Oh well.

I'm hoping to be a draining machine for the rest of the day. I'm wearing my sunglasses or else I have to keep my eyes closed and I run into walls, doors, furniture, and dogs with my eyes open so I need to give myself the best chance for no injuries.

When I go to the party tonight (see how I've changed my thought pattern from "if" to "when" -- very Wayne Dwyer of me), I'm bringing little bottles of hand sanitizers so hopefully people won't catch what I got.

Happy Saturday -- drain baby drain.

Achoo

Oh s*it I have a cold. My eyes are watering, my nose is running, my lungs are coughing -- that's the most active my body has been in years.

I'm really bummed because my friend Geri is having a birthday party tomorrow so I hope I can make myself feel better by then. Why couldn't I get this next weekend when I have nothing to do? Oh well.

When I'm sick is one of the few times I wish I was married so someone else could do the laundry, empty the dishwasher, pick up all the dirty tissues laying around the house. Oh wait, I was married and that NEVER happened so I must be watching too much television again.

Well have a good Friday and stay away from me. Achoo.