Have a Thin Mint.

This is my neice Britta's dog Skylar all dress up for the holidays. She is such a funny dog and we are best buds now, but a couple of years ago she was not so fond of me. That's when I discovered the trick to turning enemies into friends -- treats.

In fact, I would like to suggest that soldiers walk around Afghanistan and other countries not with guns but with pockets full of treats. I think we'd have a lot of friends than enemies. Send everyone in the world a box of thin mints for the holidays and see how many people friend you on Facebook.

Oh well just a thought on a gray and dreary November day.

My Elf Self

This is my new Facebook profile picture. It's actually from the Walgreen's ad but I just love her. I'm not sure if it's just the red hair or the total expression of joy, but when I see her I feel happy. I want to be this little elf.

This morning I did a real number on myself. I went to sit down and write my blog but I had put something on my chair yesterday and so the chair, which is on wheels, slid out from under me and I fell on the hardwood floor -- smack. I hit my back and head pretty hard. I can really feel it now in my upper back and shoulders.

When I realized what had happened I was a bit disappointed that I didn't knock myself out and end up in one of those Christmas movie dreams where you find out that you have made a difference in the world and that if it wasn't for you everyone would be living in Pottersville and the handsome guy realizes he couldn't live without you, but no such thing happened. Oh well. I could really use a little Christmas spirit right about now, even if it comes in the form of a hallucination. I've put up my decorations and it looks great but I just can't get into it. I've been listening to holiday music but finally had to turn it off. I even watched the Hallmark movie November Christmas but it was so schmaltzy and predictable that I hardly cried at all. Of course it was worth every second to see that hunk Sam Elliott -- now he could put a little ho, ho, ho in my stocking.

Gooble, Gooble, Gooble

Happy Thanksgiving to All
Mary and Freckles
(I'm the one on the right)

What Am I Thankful For?

Television or I never would have met my boyfriend Jack Bauer
Hang gliding because it reminds me there are people out there stupider than me
A wonderful puppy who loves me no matter what
Not living in Alaska
Keebler elves and all their fine cooking
Spelling oar elz wii woodent haf werds
Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Iowa is not in Minnesota
Viagra for all the jokes it has and will supply
Insecurities for all the jokes it has and will supply
Numbers or how else would I call anyone
Good, great, grand friends and family

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I'll see you all at Kohl's at 3 a.m.

Just A Thought or Two

Thought 1: Is anyone else totally creeped out by the M&M pretzel commercial. I would never buy them because I have this image of a pretzel being shoved up this guys behind. It even looks like they are wearing rubber gloves. It grosses me out.

Judge for yourself.

Thought 2: Who is going to go shopping at Kohl's at 3 in the morning. I suppose people will drive over there after the bars close. And Target/Sears etc. at 4 in the morning. I really feel for the people who work there. I heard K-Mart is open on Thanksgiving Day. That's just mean and stupid. I wish people would stay away so they would decide it wasn't worth it and let their employees stay home on Thanksgiving. And Old Navy opens at midnight. Yes, god knows we can't wait until 6 in the morning to buy a sweater.

Thought 3: I do want to promote Small Business Saturday. This year try to shop at some of the small, independent businesses in your neighborhood. Don't pass them by on the way to the mall, you never know what you are missing. My nephew works at a small business, Settergren Hardware, and they are all struggling to compete with the big box stores. This is a good chance to give small business owners a hand.

Thought 4: Oh I'm out of thoughts.

It's Thanksgiving Week

I started bringing out my Christmas decor on Sunday and putting away my fall decor. I listened to holiday songs and watched Elf. It's a good feeling. Then I get a recorded phone call from some political polling group and the first question is "Do you plan on voting in the November 2012 election?" And my thought is ... well Son of a Nutcracker. Let me at least get through the holidays before we start thinking about politics again. It's bad enough there is another recount in Minnesota for governor.

I got a new chair on Saturday. It is a recliner that belonged to my friend's mom (my sparent). She got a fancier one and offered this one to me. It's electric and with a push of a button the back goes back and the feet come up. It is also one of those chairs that can lift you out of the chair -- yes an old lady chair. Thankfully I don't need it but some day if I do, I'll have it. On the other hand it's fun to try but you have to be ready to get up because the first time I used it I kind of fell out of the thing. Oh well, it's an adventure. Last summer when my new friend Cameron, who is 3, was here he decided to give his great-grandma a ride on the chair. I looked over and poor Mrs. B was way up in the air hanging on for dear life. I thought she was going to fall splat on the ground. Really funny once it wasn't scary.

So get ready for some good eating and whatever the week will bring.

Blast From the Past

Well here I am in 7th Grade. Boy do we all look white. There was not one student in Junior or Senior High who was not white. And look at that hairdo -- I think I was trying to look like Patty Duke with my headband but I'm not sure.

This was in 1966-67. It's hard to imagine but when this was taken LBJ was President, the Vietnam War was raging, Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. were still alive, no one had ever heard of AIDs, no one had landed on the moon, and some of my friends hadn't been born yet. I know at least two of the people in this picture have passed away. The summer of '67 was the "Summer of Love" but for us it was the year of puberty. We would whisper to each other the big news "I got my period." Our homeroom teacher Mr. Haaland was the nicest person you'd ever meet. He had some form of spinal bifida or something like that. He was quite short and had a humpback. It was truly my first personal encounter with someone different. Prior to that if I had seen anyone with crutches or in a wheelchair or any sort of physical malady my only encounter was my mother pointing and saying "You see how lucky you are," and then telling me not to look after she just pointed. No wonder I'm so confused in life. Look but don't look. But I digress, as usual.

Mr. Haaland was a science teacher and had the greatest smile and laugh. He was the first teacher I met in Junior High and he somehow made me feel everything would be okay. That was a lie, but he initially made me feel that way. Later on I learned I had Mr. S for English and all the 7th grade girls had been warned by the girls who went before them (8th and 9th grade girls who knew their way around) that Mr. S liked to look down our blouses at our bras. Well he never did that in my class, or any other class I heard of, but we all sat in fear of the day we would be called up to his desk and asked to bend over so he could take a look. He eventually married another teacher -- a French teacher -- who we figured didn't mind playing peek-a-boo with him among other things. Yuck, ick, so gross. I knew I'd never do anything so nasty.

Ryan Who?

People Magazine came out with it's Sexiest Man Alive issue and I had no idea who Ryan Reynolds was until they said he was in The Proposal. I know it shows I'm out of the loop but that's okay. I'm not that wild about their loop -- I like the loop I am in. So I sat down and came up with my own list of the 50 Sexiest Men Alive Who Happen To Be Over 50. The list is in alphabetical order but if I had to name my top five it would be 1) Terry Bradshaw -- I think he is super sexy; 2) Robert Redford with whom I share a birthday; 3) Randy Travis -- his voice turns me to Jello; 4) Lewis Black -- he is intelligent and funny and stimulates me intellectually which creates a trickle down effect that I won't discuss here; and (drum roll please) 5) Sam Elliott -- that smile will do things to you that normally would take a lot of AA batteries. Keifer is not on the list, because he is not yet 50 or yes, he would be at the top. So here is my 50. I actually ended up with about 58 but I whittled it down, reluctantly.

1. Alan Alda

2. Barry Manilow

3. Ben Kingsley

4. Bill Clinton

5. Bill Murray

6. Bob Woodward

7. Bruce Springsteen

8. Chris Noth

9. Christopher Plummer

10. Clint Eastwood

11. Colin Firth

12. Colin Powell

13. Dan Akyrod

14. Dennis Haysbert

15. Denzel Washington

16. Dick Van Dyke

17. Donald Sutherland

18. Eric Clapton

19. Gene Wilder

20. George Clooney (I found out George is only 49 so I'm replacing him with Van Morrison)

21. Harrison Ford

22. Harry Belefonte

23. James Taylor

24. Joe Montegna

25. Lewis Black

26. Liam Neeson

27. Matt Groening

28. Mikhail Baryshnikov

29. Morgan Freeman

30. Omar Sharif

31. Paul McCartney

32. Randy Travis

33. Ray Liotta

34. Ringo Starr

35. Robert Redford

36. Ron Howard

37. Sam Elliott

38. Sam Shepard

39. Sam Waterston

40. Sidney Poitier

41. Smokey Robinson

42. Steve Martin

43. Sting

44. Terry Bradshaw

45. Tom Brokaw

46. Tom Robbins

47. Tom Selleck

48. Tommy Lee Jones

49. Tony Bennett

50. Tony Shalob

No Pain, No Brain

I spent most of yesterday with a heating pad on my back and today I'm feeling better. I went to my last Dreamweaver class last night and walked out of there shaking my head. There is so much to learn and my little head is so full of fluff that I'm not sure I can shove anything more up there. Four more weeks of classes -- this next time it's all about Flash. I just don't know which trench coat to wear to class.

They (and who the hell "they" are I don't know) say it's good to keep learning new things it exercises your mind. Well I've never been much for exercise but I guess if I'm going to strenuously exercise anything it's going to be my mind. I think after I finish this series of classes, my brain will be ready for the Boston Marathon.

Oh The Faces I've Seen

Would you refinance from this guy? I didn't know ZZ Top had gone into the refinance business. And do you think he's wearing orange because he's a fall person or because it's the uniform du jour?

I get the oddest ads on Facebook. There's another one that says "Men Over 50 Are Looking For You" and they have all these incredibly handsome guys. I know the ones looking for me are either alcoholics, bill collectors or this guy here.

I love to see how I am perceived by the ads that I am targeted with. I get wrinkle cremes, vacation spots, and a lot of animal rescue ads. I need to change my life or profile or both so I start getting ads for Victoria's Secret, Cosmopolitan, or at least not Big Girl Panties.

Hey, that would be a good title for a self-help book "Change Your Underwear, Change Your Life." Excuse me I have to get to work on that.

I just found out I'm too late. Look here.

A Picture Paints A Thousand Intentions

I don't write a lot of serious posts, but when I saw these pictures I couldn't let it just go pass. These were taken during the integration of the New Orleans schools in November of 1960. There is a good article to read on the subject in today's NOLA paper.

I found these two pictures to be so sad and yet ironic. One is a picture of someone who believes "God" does not want integration. She and her friends stand together in the name of their god to intimidate and jeer at children as they go to school. The other is a picture of someone who believes "God" does not discriminate. She is courageously taking her child through a crowd of god-fearing people to take her daughter to the school that has been integrated.

The feeling of sadness I think is obvious, or I hope so. The feeling of irony may not be so obvious. Today I see god-fearing people again with their signs and their hatred and fear everywhere whether it be at the funeral of homosexuals, the attempts to build a Mosque, or a political gathering. And occasionally I see courageous people who do the loving thing just because, well it's the loving thing.

I'm realizing when we celebrate 50 year anniversaries now as "historical events," that I am part of those events. And that's not a bad thing when it was joyous moments like the first time the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan, the first time a man landed on the moon, or Nixon's resignation; but when it's moments like this, it reminds me of the fact that terrible and tragic events were not that long ago. That what I do today will be judged by others. And I have to decide, every day, in 50 years, what picture do I want to show up in?

Let it snow? Let It Snow. LET IT SNOW!

Okay I know that snow is a bummer in many ways. I don't have to shovel and my car is in a heated garage so I'm in much better shape than many people. But today, with the snow coming down, I realized there are a few good things about snow:

1. I am feeling very Christmasy again. My friend Peter told me I had to decorate this year and I was all "yeah, yeah, yeah" about it, but today I want to take everything out of the closet and start decorating. I have even created a "favorite holiday" playlist on my iTunes so I'll be ready to go on the day after Thanksgiving -- which my friend Sue insists is the proper day to begin listening to Christmas music. I may, however, watch "Elf" tonight. I love that movie (yes, Peter I know you hate that movie).

2. Freckles loves the snow. When we went out this morning she got up on the grass and looked up at me with a look that said "Oh boy it's back." I think dogs believe we can make this stuff come and go. When it's nice she likes me, when it's not so nice she's thinking "hey lady, get rid of this stuff." She ran as fast as she could through the snow and was bouncing all around with glee. Then she came in and went to one of her five beds and curled up in a sweet little ball of contentment. She doesn't usually sleep like this, she likes to stretch out but today she was in a secure ball.

3. And seeing her so content reminds me that snow gives you a perfect excuse not to go anywhere. It sucks when you are going somewhere and you have to make your way through it, but when you don't have any plans, a snowy day makes you want to curl up into your own ball of contentment and settle in for a nap.

So if you'll excuse me, I have some hibernation to do.

Big Friday Night

Annie and I are having a big night tonight:

1) A couple hot games of Uno where I will undoubtedly have my butt handed to me

2) A homemade dinner (by me, yes really) of macaroni and cheese with hot dogs.

3) Watch the classic "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken"

Annie and I hang together most Fridays. She is a great friend and reminds me of what is best in life. Have a good weekend.

Thank You

You may have seen this photo before but I think on Veterans' Day it is worthy of a second viewing. This is my dad (on the right) and his two brothers.

Having grown up during the Vietnam War days, there was a time when a veteran was not given much respect. In fact, I know when guys came back home they tried to hide the fact they had been in the service. Oh how times have changed -- for the better.

What has me ticked off though is the commercializing of the day. I got an email from one of our vendors. It had an American flag and said Veteran's Day and then underneath had his name and a tagline for his company. I thought that was extremely tacky. Even tackier than the President's Day Lingerie Sale they have every year at Dayton's/Marshall Fields/Macy's. Happy Birthday George Washington ... do you like my new push-up, cross-your-heart, underwire bra?

Well anyways ... thanks to all the men and women who have served in the armed forces.

Give Me A Break

The company I work for has season tickets to the Vikings and I am the go-to-person to handle payment and distribution. I received an email about voting for the top 50 Vikings to celebrate their 50th anniversary. When I was a kid my dad use to build apartment complexes, many of them that are now on the Bloomington 494 strip, and a number of his investors were Vikings including Fran Tarkenton. In fact Mr. Tarkenton (see I'm still 8 years old) use to come over to the house. So when I saw this opportunity to vote I thought what the heck, I'll see how many names I recognize. Well to my surprise they had a long list of present and former Vikings to chose from but I couldn't believe Brett Farve is one of them. Now he did a phenomenal job last season but they had to beg him to come back this season and he's been with the team for 1-1/4 years!!!! Give me a break.

Now for one of my best memories of all time that involved Mr. Tarkenton. When I was about 12 my family went up to Bemidji for a vacation and to watch the Purple vs. White game at Bemidji State, where the Vikings use to have their training camp. The day after the game about 6 or 7 of the players came to the resort to have dinner with us. Now besides having the entire resort starring at our table in envy what I remember was at one point when I came back to the table (I have no idea where I'd been), Mr. Tarkenton stood up and held out my chair for me. At 12 years old I felt like the queen of the world. He showed me what a gentleman is.

It was such a small gesture but, as you can see, I've never forgotten it. Makes you wonder how many small gestures we do in this world that people remember. I hope the ones I do are good ones.

Let There Be Light

I love it when it is light out in the morning. Yes, I know it will be darker earlier but that's okay because it's night -- it's suppose to be dark at night and light in the morning. So don't complain too much.

My friend Pat and I were two of the few people I know who didn't like it when it was light at 9 at night. I like my sunlight in the morning, of course there was as time when I use to like my vodka in the morning. People change, thankfully.

The other day I went to Target and they are taunting me with Christmas. I have 6 tubs filled with Christmas decorations plus my tree, a ceramic tree, and a snowman tree in separate boxes. This is the year I plan on decreasing the amount of holiday decorating I do. It takes me days to put everything up and days to put everything away and I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. Of course I've said that before and end up adding every year. We'll have to see how it goes. I don't want to end up on the holiday edition of Hoarders.

The Big Squeeze

This is a big day ... it's mammogram day. I can't wait to be squeezed until I think I'm going to explode. But it needs to be done.

I'm looking forward to a big weekend treat -- I got DVDs of two of my favorite movies as a kid -- The Ghost and Mr. Chicken and The Private Detectives -- starring Don Knotts. If you've never seen them you should. I think it's fun to go back and watch old movies.

Some other movies I would like to see again -- The Reluctant Astronaut, The Moonspinners, Flubber (the first one not the Robin Williams one), Hard Day's Night, to name a few. Of course be prepared to find out the movie isn't as good as you remember. I watched Babes in Toyland a few years ago and it just wasn't the same.

Well off to mamoland.

Am I A Fine Wine Getting Better With Age or a Fine Whiner Getting Bitter With Age?

So what's up with me? Where have I been lately?

Sorry, hard to get back into the swing of work. Good thing I'm not a teacher; imagine if I had had two months off instead of one week -- yikes.

Funny that I got the most done on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I think having some sort of time constraint really makes a difference. It's a lot easier to put off something on Monday if you know you have 6 days to get it done.

Tonight I am at the halfway point in my classes. I like the classes but it sure is hard to go to school after working all day. I don't know how some people do this two or three nights a week for four or five years. These are people with determination, drive, and probably someone to do the laundry. I was going to say youth but didn't. I have been blaming a lot of my problems on age lately. I find myself saying "I'm too old to [fill in the blank]" or "Nothing I can do about [fill in the blank] it comes with age" a lot. Now while this may be true for a number of things:

• I'm too old to have a baby
• Nothing I can do about my eyesight getting worse, it comes with age
• I'm too old to be on American Idol
• Nothing I can do about liver spots, it comes with age
• I'm too old to join the Army (and a nation breathes a collective sigh of relief)

but it is as if I've given up and raised some sort of white flag (which I believe is actually a pair of old lady underpants) and surrendered, just waiting for death now.

I need to regroup, change directions, make a new plan Stan, get on the bus Gus, pick up the key Lee (wait that's 50 ways to leave your lover) -- you get my drift. I use to say I wanted to grow old disgracefully but I've let myself down. Perhaps before I start crocheting doilies to put on my tables and arm rests, I should have a little more fun.