You Too Can Make Money When You're Dead

Well I've seen it all ... until tomorrow or perhaps later today ... PETA is selling coffins, coffins that advertise their cause. I think I might have to walk out of a funeral that has an ad on the coffin, although with the high cost of funerals I suppose it is a way to help pay for them. Of course that could backfire too ...

• "Eat at McDonald's - I did" may not be a big seller, especially if the coffin has to be supersized;
• "I'm Glad I Had Aetna Life Insurance or I'd Never Be Able to Afford Being Dead;"
• "Viagra -- They really mean it when they say you should call a doctor after 4 hours"

I'm planning on being cremated and should be able to make a lot more money because my ashes will sit on a mantle or a bookcase for a long time. I could be in a coffee can that says "Folgers - It Really Was Good To The Last Drop."

Too Old For This S*it

This is my "what you talkin' 'bout Willis" look. Okay, I'll keep my day job.

I have been keeping late hours for the past couple of weeks, at least late for me. Not going to bed until 11 or later because I'm working on my show. It is a lot of work and I'll be glad when it is over -- really. But in case I haven't bugged you about it yet, here is a link to my Fringe page and a link to my Swell Gals website I'm working on. I am going to work on the website after the show is over.

I'm watching a rerun of "The Golden Girls" where Blanche's brother comes to visit and is afraid to tell her he is gay. Sophia says "He's as gay as a picnic basket" -- great line.

Speaking of great lines you can go here to find some of the greatest movie lines ever. Enjoy

Shut up

The guy above me decided to start jogging at 2 in the morning. It was a bit annoying and I said some salty words.

Went and saw "Horrible Bosses" this weekend and I have to say it was pretty funny and had absolutely no redeeming value -- my kind of movie. One reason I went was to see one of my boyfriends -- Kevin Spacey. And he was his usual hot self and one SOB of a boss. Not as hot as Jim - you know the guy I saw last Thursday -- my new future boyfriend if 1) he's not gay; 2) he's not picky; and 3) he would like to date someone old enough to be his mom.

When you get a chance check out my Fringe show website and my Swell Gals website. Stay cool

I'm In Lust

Yesterday, at a location I will not disclose because it is now my secret stalking area, I saw the best looking man I've ever seen in my life. It was like one of those movies where the guy comes walking down the road, in slow motion, out of some kind of fog of love, and you know that you will never ever see anything as beautiful as long as you live.

And I have competition, because I was sitting at a table with my friend (whose name shall remain anonymous) and he fell in love with him too. The two of us spent the rest of lunch looking at his broad gorgeous back, sitting at the table next to us, and trying to decide which team he plays for -- I know he plays for my team or else I shall have to impale myself on a cheese log.

So I've named him James, but his friends call him Jim and well I call him Jimmy. My friend, let's call him Harold, says his name is Derek. WTF? That's from a romance novel or the name of a new york yankee who I can't stand. No it's definitely Jim.

Now I just have to hope he would like to date his grandmother and we will live happily ever after. By the way, he had no wedding ring -- it was the third thing I looked at -- you can figure out what the first two were.

I'm in love with a wonderful guy.

Oh So Sorry I Forgot you

In the sheer excitement of returning to work yesterday after four days off (well four days of working on my Fringe show) I totally forgot my blog. I would plead insanity but that is already a given and I've done over 450 blog entries so I guess that wouldn't work -- unless of course I was on trial in Florida and there were 12 of the stupidest people on earth sitting on the jury -- but I digress.

In the midst of everything I need to do to get ready for the Fringe next month I've decided to just give up on any kind of housekeeping other than what will keep the health department from knocking at my door. That's not such a big stretch for me since I am extremely domestically impaired/apathetic but the difference is I'm not going to sit around and dwell on the fact that I "should" do this or I "should" do that. I'm going to dwell on the fact that I "should" do this or I "should" do that but that I don't care.

Of course I'm realizing how much work all of this Fringe stuff is and I'm swearing I will never do this again - like I did the other five times. We'll see how I feel on Aug 14th when it's all over and done. My friend Dean will be singing some great little songs in the show so if nothing else, there will be some great little songs in the show and I will just whistle and clap along. I wonder if people will pay to see an old asthmatic overweight lady whistle and clap -- I guess we'll find out.

Really I'm Not Ignoring You

I can feel your staring eyes through the Internet waves saying "I WILL NOT BE IGNORED." Well before you boil a bunny here I am.

Did you have a Yankee Doddle Dandy weekend? I did. I've been working on my Fringe show and am still doing so -- at home on a day of vacation. It is coming along well. In fact I may have more material and will have to cut so that's always good news. I'm hoping my friend Dean Johnson will be in the show to provide some nice musical breaks. He is checking his work schedule and will let me know. If not, I may have to do all the singing -- no I didn't mean that (oh oh this could dwindle the number of people attending).

This is my favorite part about writing, when I get past the "I don't know what to say" hole into the "I can't stop writing" arena and I go on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on...

Okay, you get the point. So, as with most things, it's not the task (in this case writing) that's so hard it's the starting and the finishing - completing the task. Oh if you only knew how many half-written plays, stories, articles, columns, I have. I now call in the Palin Syndrome -- you know you start something (like being governor of a state) and then a shiny object (like money and fame) comes along and you decide to stop before you have finished. I must fight the Palin Syndrome before I too am driving around the country aimlessly. Pray for me.

Hair Good; Government Bad

Now this is what I'm talking about. Amber at Spalon Montage did a great job -- thanks. And OMG the chairs you lay back in when you get your hair cut are massage chairs. So my back is being massaged and Amber is massaging my head and I should be totally relaxed but all I can think is "I don't belong here." Oh well, I can probably get use to it. I do like the haircut.

So Minnesota is closed. I wonder if that means we all have to pack up and move to other states. What a bunch of babies over there in St. Paul. They are so busy playing politics that they don't care how many people they hurt while they dig in their heels. I have to admit, I don't understand why the richest people in Minnesota can't pay an extra 2%. Most of them have so many tax loop holes that it will hardly effect them. -- Okay I'm off my soap box but come on people!

I am spending the weekend finishing writing my Fringe show -- really I am. Hope you have a fun Fourth of July weekend. Oooooh, aaaah, oooooh, aaaaah (these are my fireworks for you).