Run Mary Run -- Yeah Right

Well this Sunday is the 30th Twin Cities Marathon and darn it all to H-E-double Hockey Sticks I forgot to register -- AGAIN. In fact I've forgotten to register for 30 years. I remember one year I watched the marathon and was so inspired I thought I would spend the year training and the next year I would be a sleek running machine -- well, it didn't quite happen.

I have a couple of friends who have run in the Marathon and there is a woman in my building who is a running fanatic -- she even went to Europe for a marathon just so she could qualify for the Boston Marathon. I admire people who are so committed -- commitment isn't one of my best attributes, although there are some who feel I should be committed, but that's another story.

The marathon goes right by where I live, just 1/4 block away. Freckles and I usually go out and watch, although it drives Freckles crazy that 1) all those people are going by and not one of them recognizes her supreme cuteness and stops to scratch her head or belly and 2) the runners keep us from crossing the street and going to the park that she loves so much. Every year I see the same two people -- there is one man who always carries an MIA flag and another man who runs with his disabled child in a stroller. I would love to know more about their stories.

If you are running let me know and I'll look for you. If you aren't running then you can be a member of my non-marathon runners club -- we may not be in great shape but I think we are more fun to hang out with.

Turn Up The Volume Please

My friend Peter was telling me yesterday that when his mom was in hospice the nurse told the family that they should have movies and music she liked going all the time. She said that it is believed that even if someone is in a coma they can hear what is going on around them. So the family had her favorite movie "The Sound of Music" going 24/7 in her room. It made me think what would I want to have playing while I was in a coma. I felt I should make a list just so no one would make a mistake and have a Pauly Shore film festival or play the greatest hit(s) of Justin Bieber.

So here is Mary Hirsch's Comatose 10 (both music and videos):

1. Monk (anything from all 8 seasons)
2. Van Morrison
3. Casablanca (black and white version please)
4. Randy Travis (even though he played at Michele Bachmann's tent in Iowa)
5. The Music Man
6. Barry Manilow (yeah I know but I love him)
7. Elf
8. Gordon Lightfoot (yeah I know but I love him too)
9. The Andy Griffith Show (anything from all ??? seasons)
10. B.B. King

Why not "24" you may ask? Because I'm afraid I would kick the bucket before the end of the season and I hate it when that happens.

What would be in your Comatose 10?

The Church of the Confectionary

Anyone else remember Necco wafer candy? I saw a bag of them at the store in the Halloween candy section (I was only looking at the selection out of curiosity not because I wanted to see if they had "fun size" Milky Ways -- really -- curiosity).

We use to buy these all the time when I was a kid -- we used them as communion wafers. Necco wafers and those little wax bottles of some kind of syrup was the wine. And candy necklaces or bracelets were Rosary beads. Hey, I grew up in a Catholic neighborhood and this is what we did. It's a good thing they didn't make edible underwear back then (or at least we didn't know about it) or else we'd be wearing it on our heads as nun habits. We had to settle for pillow cases or if you pulled your shirt up over your head but didn't take it off you could use that as a wimple (I know it's called a wimple because of the Sound of Music "Underneath her wimple she has curlers in her hair" but I never did understand how she had curlers in her hair when it was so darn short -- oops I'm drifting again aren't I?).

Now some would call what we did as being disrespectful or sacrilegious, some would call it traditional childhood role playing, I like to think of it as the beginning of learning how to multitask -- you could eat candy, role play, and stay out of hell all at the same time. In fact, I think if churches served Necco wafers and sugar water in wax bottles while playing show tunes there would be more people there on Sunday.

Go in peace ...

It's the big 5-0-0

This is my 500th post. If my name was Mindy it would be the Mindy 500 or if I had been blogging about how to become rich it would be the Fortune 500 or if I was a dentist it could be 500 Smiles and if it was Oprah's 500th blog it would be a week long celebration culminating in a special on OWN television.

But it's just little old swell gal Mary so it is the 500 Blogs In Swell Smack Down Celebration.

Whoopeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Well thank God that's over. I'm spent. Anyone got a cigarette?

Hey how about those Vikings!?! 3-0 if you only watch the first half of the games. That's exactly what I did yesterday because I wasn't going to have my heart ripped out again. Britta told me she has a friend who will only watch the first half of Titanic because she doesn't like the idea of something so beautiful at the bottom of the sea. So I'm only watching the first half of the Viking games for the rest of the season.

And speaking of milestones the Twins are on the way to their 100th loss. They avoided it this weekend so are at 99 but I'm challenging Adrian Monk by saying it would be nice to have a round number like 100.

I am now turning my energies to the Minnesota Wild who I know will not rip out my heart and stomp on it this year. Yep, this is the year of the Wild, I can feel it -- of course that might just be gas.

I hope you have a good day celebrating the 500 Blogs in Swell Smack Down Celebration but remember to celebrate responsibly.

There Must Be 50 Ways To Use An Oven

When I do move I think I'll just give away my dresser since I pretty much just use my laundry basket to hold my clothes. Oh sure the things that need to be hung up usually get hung up but the other stuff, well it just sits in that basket until I finally empty it out so I can fill it with the dirty clothes that have been accumulating in a pile on the floor. So if you have a laundry basket and a floor who needs a dresser? It's kind of like my oven which is now nothing but a storage space for pans that I never use. The mom on "The Middle" (one of my favorite TV shows) uses her oven to store a quilt. GENIUS!!!!!!!! Heck, I should get rid of the pans and I could use it for my dirty clothes -- or shoes. GENIUS AGAIN!!!!!!!! And that drawer where all those pots I never use are sitting could hold my entire sock collection. I guess we all know what I'll be doing this weekend.

More Lessons Learned

Well vacation is over - back to the salt mines. And I believe this is the first day of autumn, isn't it. Nope, I just checked and it doesn't start until Friday. So I'll let you wear your flip flops for two more days but then I'm going to rip those suckers right off of you and toss them in the river. The sound of those things coming down the hall or the street drive me nuts. Of course if you wore them with a pair of corduroy pants and some jingling bracelets you would have a nice band.

I got almost nothing done that I planned on doing but I did get my driver's license renewed. When I was waiting my turn this poor woman was not passing her eye test. They kept saying "Do you see a light flashing?" And she'd say no. And they asked her over and over again. I was waiting for them to say "Do you see a light flashing on your left?" and all she'd have to say is yes. Finally she left. I don't know if they renewed her license or not. I felt sorry for her. I remember when my grandma finally said she couldn't drive anymore, but at least she made the decision instead of not passing the eye test. So after watching that, when I was called the clerk said it was $24. I gave her $25 and when she said she'd get me change I told her the $1 was so I would pass the eye test. Hey I wasn't going to take any chances even if it cost me a buck.

So the moral of today's blog is -- flip flops bad; bribes good.

A New Career for Mary

Well I have found my future career. Yes I can see it now "Mary Hirsch, Certified Firewalker" oh my parents would be so proud.

I find these ads I get on Facebook are not only amusing but I'm not sure how I'm picked for them. I usually get that ad that tells me 1474 men are looking for me -- it's a damn good thing I'm not paranoid (or am I). I also have an ad for "Faithful Women Wanted" from senior people meet but it has a picture of a young police officer. Makes you think Faithful Women are wanted for line-ups or a revival of Cell Block B (or was it C or DD)?

So now that I have a new direction to my career path I better get going -- anyone have a match?