Observations on the Nicollet Mall

This is a guest blog from my friend Geri. Yesterday she was sitting on the Nicollet Mall at lunch, eating her $1 box of popcorn, and she made these observations of what was going on around her:

1. A preacher at the corner shouting while I was trying to enjoy peace and quiet (I wanted to go up and tell him to shut his religious pie hole).

2. Turkey eaters (very sloppy men eating turkey sandwiches in under 2 minutes and then half throwing the wrapper in the garbage).

3. Cops walking, driving and biking

4. A homeless man with only a backpack and a chainsaw (very suspicious)

5. A weird guy asking me for 35 cents (why that amount?)

6. Taxi bikes or wagons (for what)

7. Too many Twins shirts

8. Many fashion don'ts

9. People crossing the street without looking and not caring that they nearly got struck by an MTC bus.

10. HAIRCUTS YOU DO NOT WANT TO COPY.

Thanks Geri -- I'm surprised you weren't attacked by all those dirty pigeons wanting your popcorn.

Happy Belated Birthdays

I was scolded by my friends Peter (in the yellow) and Sue S (on the left) for not mentioning their birthdays this year. Their birthdays fell on the weekend and I don't usually blog on the weekend so by Monday with my ancient memory the glow of their birthday had passed from my mind. Many apologies to both of you -- may I now be released from the shame?

Last night I Skyped for 30 minutes with my friend Lori's grandson Cameron. We sang songs to each other and he told me jokes and it was so much fun. I had to make up songs about a pumpkin, an orange, a tomato -- there was definitely a theme going there. Luckily I already knew a song about a watermelon so I didn't have to hurt my brain too much. I love the way a 4 year old's mind works.

Well it looks like we are in for some summer weather - I can already feel my poorly cut hair starting to expand (by the way they would not give me a do-over on my hair and so they have lost a customer). Have a good day

Nails Good; Hair Bad

That's better. I removed the whiteoutish nail polish and just let my pasty white skin represent white. Still a Yankee Doodle Dandy.

On another topic, a terrible haircut. You know one of those cuts that looks good when you are sitting in the chair but when your hair starts to grow it turns into shit. I'm going to call and see if I can get a free do-over. I'm not going to spend another $42 to repair something that wasn't right the first time -- right? Huh, they should do that?

And another topic, a sad one. One of my co-worker's dog was hit by a car and died last weekend. She is so sad and I am so sad for her too. I can't imagine my life without my pal Freckles so of course when I got home I just hugged and hugged and hugged her. Poor Freckles just wanted to go get some water but oh no mom had to hug and hug and hug her. She must have thought I was watching "Marley & Me" again.

Finally, I sat at the reception desk again - despite my better judgment - and was brought a dessert from Manny's. Well it wasn't just a dessert it was a brownie buffet. All I wanted was a little brownie and I got a gigantic brownie with a vat of whipped cream, ice cream, caramel and chocolate sauce and the biggest strawberries I've ever seen. My friend Connie and I split it and I still tossed half of mine along with the ice and whip cream, caramel and chocolate sauce - I did eat the strawberries. It was enough for 4 to 6 people. I won't be able to eat chocolate again until ... what time is it?

As Igger-Tay from Vinnie da Loo would say -- TTFN (Ta Ta For Now)

Getting Ready for the Holiday

Look -- I have Yankee Doodle digits. I hardly ever wear nail polish but I decided to go crazy for the 4th of July. I do have to admit that I don't know about white nail polish. It looks kind of like I put on white out.

Yesterday morning I was out walking Freckles at the park. There were lots of people out walking dogs and going through the park on their way to the Pride Festival in Loring Park. So we are all chatting while Freckles is pooping, peeing, rolling, repeat. As we started on our way home I noticed I had my shirt on inside out. Oh what a styling gal I am. At least I didn't have my underwear on my head or two different shoes. I'm saving that for the fourth of July holidays.

Have a happy Monday -- yeah right.

Time To Be Amazed

I'm heading out to see my BFF Annie running in the Minnesota Special Olympics. Every year I go I am amazed and humbled by the athletes who compete. And Annie is quite the competitor. The look on her face when she is at the starting line is sheer determination. So GO ANNIE, GO ANNIE, GO ANNIE.

I didn't blog yesterday because I really had nothing in my little head to blog about. I'm kind of in the same place today. I would talk about a certain movie that is opening on July 15th featuring a certain bear and his friends but my friend Peter says if I mention it he will go crazy and hurt me. So I won't mention this certain bear whose name rhymes with Vinnie da Loo just because I'm a nice person and don't want to get hurt.

Happy Friday all.

Streamline Your Morning with Mary

InStyle Magazine has an article on 10 ways to streamline your morning. When it suggested something that required a $78 headband I knew this article was written just for me.

My favorite tip was on Sunday night when I go over my calendar for the week (let's see Monday go to work, Tuesday go to work ...) I should pick out my outfits for each day and put them at the front of my closet with a DIY tag labeling what day that outfit is to be worn. You know I'm way too busy on Sunday night being depressed that it's Sunday night to go over my calendar and pick out my wardrobe.

You really want to streamline your morning here are my top 10 tips:

1. Hit your snooze alarm until when you finally get out of bed you only have 5 minutes to get ready. No time to dilly-dally.

2. Sleep in the outfit you are going to wear the next day ... sure you'll look like a mess but you have streamlined your morning.

3. Drink a gallon of water before you go to bed ... you will get up really fast in the morning (and probably a couple times before then too).

4. Sleep with a dog that hogs the bed so when you wake up you are clinging to the edge of the mattress for dear life.

5. Fix your breakfast the night before and have it at the kitchen table. Sure that cereal will be soggy, the oatmeal cold, the toast hard, the OJ warm but hey its the price you pay for a streamline morning.

6. Eat that breakfast in the shower -- yummy soap on toast

7. Set out everything you need to take with you the night before. This will allow you that extra time to look for your keys that you are sure you put right there last night.

8. Spend five minutes each morning meditating this will calm you down for 1 minute and then you'll spend the next 4 minutes meditating on how late you are running

9. Explain to your dog that you can only allot her 7 minutes in the morning to get her business done. She will understand and will be totally cooperative. No really.

10. Don't write a blog that you post on every morning. It will only derail you from that train we call streamline. Once you sit at the computer you'll be checking your Facebook account, your Twitter account (@swellgalmary), your emails (mary@maryhirsch.net), going on YouTube to watch something stupid.

Well I hope I have helped you in your quest for a better morning. Now get yourself a $78 headband and get moving.

Take That You Damn Yankee

My friend Jean bought this for me ... a yankee voodoo doll. I love it because I hate those f***** yankees. Thanks Jean, I'll use it often.

I don't recommend things too often -- I usually tell you what I hate like peas, yankees, etc. -- but I have two things to recommend.

First, is the Honeywell Tower Fan. Here is a link to it on the Target website. It is the best room fan I've ever had. It is really quiet and has different settings besides the usual low, med and I-can't-hear-a-word-you're-saying. And the air is cool like there are little penguins in there making ice cubes and then blowing air off of the ice cubes -- yep I bet that's what is going on. It also has a timer so you can have it on when you go to bed but not all night long unless you want to - very beneficial for people like me who go to bed hot and wake up cold - you can insert your own joke here. I'm going to get another one in the near future.

My second recommendation is Byerly's Tomato Rough in the deli. It is a very simple dish of tomatoes, cucumbers, celery and onions in a vinegary marinate. I could eat that all day long but my intestines would call 911 after the second serving. They don't have it all the time, I wish they did, so I call ahead and ask if they have it that day. The drawback is it is in the deli right by their homemade, clog your arteries, get the defibrillator vanilla pudding.

So tonight I will be sitting in front of my Honeywell Tower fan eating tomato rough and putting pins in my yankee voodoo doll. Summertime and the living is easy.