Still Here

Freckles Magoo 2005 - 2012

Sorry I haven't written for a while. I'm still trying to deal with the loss of Freckles. The emptiness is almost overwhelming at times. The other day I fell asleep watching TV. When I woke up I saw it was 9:30 and I thought "I have to take Freckles out" until I realized she wasn't here anymore.

Yesterday was my best day at work. I think I only cried once or twice and then, of course, I felt guilty for not crying all the time. One of those no win situations. Damned if you feel sad; damned if you don't.

I can't quite bring myself to put her things away. There's still water in her dish. Perhaps this weekend I'll be able to do that.

What has really overwhelmed me is the kindness of my people. I have received flowers from people in my neighborhood and a plant I will try very hard to keep alive from my co-workers. I have also received many cards and they have really been a source of comfort for me. And of course, I'll never forget how Peter and Sue came with me to the vet and Sue/Myrna came and sat with me for hours. They really kept me sane (well as sane as I can be kept).

I know it will get better with time I just wish it would hurry. I remember a scene from "All in the Family" when Edith was going through "the change." Archie was trying to be patient but he eventually couldn't take it anymore and he tells her something like "Edith you have 30 seconds -- CHANGE."