My Dinner With Andre if His Name Was Nancy and He Was A Woman

I had dinner last night with my friend Nancy (in case you can't figure it out she's the one on the right). She and I have known each other since 1983 - you do the math because it's too early in the morning for me to do so - and this picture was taken as a series of pictures I did for the attorney we worked for -- Jerry -- who was leaving for a month in Florida. I put together a book called "What We'll Be Doing While You're Gone." Why am I fondling her foot? Well to make a long story short one day Nancy was waiting for the bus on the Nicollet Mall when a man came up to her and started to fondle her foot. Now if that's not bad enough, poor Nancy didn't have the good sense God gives a gnat because she actually called me up when she got home and told me about it - I believe she was expecting some sort of sympathy. Well from that moment on, and after I told the story to Jerry, she was mercilessly teased about feet by the two of us. One time we even called and left a message for a foot massage clinic to call her about an appointment.  And at Christmas we gave her a red shoe phone -- she didn't want it so I was lucky enough to get it. I wonder what I did with that phone, it was cool. Here is a photo of it:

Pretty stylish huh? Who wouldn't want to talk on a red "F-me" pump phone? That Nancy never did know a good things when she saw it - with the possible exception of me as a friend.

It was a fun evening -- lots of laughs. I think it's always nice to get together with people you've known for so long that you are comfortable enough to spill chow mein on yourself and not worry about it. I guess that's a definition of friendship that has never been explored properly like "Love is never having to say you're sorry" from "Love Story" but instead "Friendship is never having to say you're a mess who shouldn't be allowed out in public."

Enjoy Wednesday because if you're enjoying Tuesday you're too late and if you're enjoying Thursday you're going to be so sorry when you find out it's only Wednesday.

Hope you had a nice Holimas

 Can you see the family resemblance? You can get one of these t-shirts for yourself and send me your picture.

Hope you had a good Christmas/Holiday -- Holimas.  I had a lot of fun, got some very nice gifts, and spent time with people I love. And I game out alive!!! I do believe, however, it will be a long time before I can eat another slice of ham or a cookie. Well at least a day or two.

I have today off and then back to the salt mines -- but then another long weekend. That first M-F week is going to be a tough one. Perhaps I need a week of vacation ... in the Bahamas ... make that two weeks. Of course with the warm weather we've been having I really wonder how many people are thinking of heading south. We do know, however, all warm things must come to an end.

I tried to go to a store yesterday -- what a silly girl I am. I will try again today. I also have a jug of coins that I need to take in to the bank and cash in. I save my coins all year long -- only pay with paper. That's a trick I heard from Suzi Orman. I usually end up with $300 - $400 of coins. I don't cash them in until AFTER Holimas so I don't use it for more "stuff."

Have a good day. I have to go and see if Freckles is ready to get up yet. Yesterday she stayed in bed until I finally got her up at 10:30!!!! She has an amazing bladder. Just talking about it makes me have to go -- AGAIN!!!

The Last In A Long Line of Holiday Sweaters

I'm now modeling the last of my Christmas fashions. And this is my last day at work until I return Dec 28th. Oh the blissletoe ....

I actually dreamed last night that I had a new sweater -- it was black with squares of Santa faces on it -- I wish I had that sweater, it was cool.

Tonight I'm going to Skype with my nephew from Chile. I don't use Skype too often but it reminds me of the Jetsons and their video telephones. Now all we need are flying cars and anti-gravity floors so we can dance to Jet Streamer.   I'm off to work - we're having an ugly sweater day (like I need it declared) and I'm having lunch with my blue haired lady friends.

Another Ugly Sweater and a Great Idea

 I think this outfit would win the ugly sweater contest for sure. Between the color, which is really a lime green, the reindeer, and the flashing necklace I am the queen of Christmas ugly sweaters. Long live the queen.

Had dinner last night with my cousin Tom and his wife. They are heading to South America a week from Friday for a cruise. They are going to be in Chile and will get to see my nephew Perry and his wife Camila. The cruise offers side trips at various ports -- one of them is $3,800 per person -- yes that is a side trip!! I said I hope it includes hookers and illegal drugs.

When we were talking about work I mentioned that the place where I work named all its conference rooms after different lakes (which, by the way, makes for an interesting conversation when someone says "Steve is in Harriet") and that I've found that naming suites after lakes is quite common in Minneapolis businesses. In fact, the suites at the Twins Target Field are also named after lakes. My niece said that at her job the conference rooms are named "A, B and C." Since she's a nurse my nephew and I suggested they name them after drugs. "We'll be holding our meeting in Viagra," or "Let's sit down and discuss this in Rogaine," or "Emily is waiting for us in Cymbalta." In fact, hospitals and other places could sell the naming rights to their conference rooms, lunchroom, lobby, etc. The "Oscar Meyer Lunchroom" might sell as much bologna as is spoken in the hallways. The "Trojan Lobby" would keep unwanted "guests" from passing. And, really, who wouldn't want to do their business in the "Office Depot" de-potty?

With ideas like this I don't understand why I'm not in the "Pearle Vision" corner office with a great view.

Less than a week to go

Here's today's entry in the Christmas outfits --- a stunning vest featuring holly, snowflakes, Santa, a stocking and a Christmas tree. I have two more sweaters I've yet to wear and of course there is my set of antlers. Oh you have so much to look forward to this week. You probably won't be able to sleep in anticipation of seeing the outfit du jour of the day -- I saw that once on a menu "Soup du jour of the day."

Finished my shopping on Saturday and wrapped and mailed my one box of gifts to go on Sunday so if it was 1988 I'd celebrate with a bottle of wine, perhaps a margarita and a beer chaser but since it's 2011 I celebrated by taking a nap.

I noticed that this year I really didn't find myself saying "next year I'll finish shopping earlier" or "next year I'll send my cards sooner" or "next year blah, blah, blah." Perhaps its with the end of the world looming over us as the Mayan calendar comes to an end -- which I only think means that the Mayans found something better to do than make calendars or they ran out of Mayan swimsuit models to put on the calendars but I digress -- where was I? oh yes the end of the world and my lack of "next yearing" -- perhaps what is really behind my not thinking about how much better I'll be next year is that I have a firm grip on the fact that this is probably not going to change unless I fall, hit my head, and wake-up believing I'm Martha Stewart or Rachel Ray or a character in a Hallmark movie.

Speaking of movies, I went to see "Chipwrecked" with my friend Annie who LOVES the chipmunks. If it wasn't for the fact that I love to spend time with Annie, even in a dark movie theater watching what can only be described as one of the worse movies ever, I'd be petitioning the movie studio for a refund and those 1-1/2 hours of my life back.

If you are in the mood for a new old Christmas song that belongs in the ultra lounge category I heard That Holiday Feeling by Steve Lawrence and Eydie Gormet on the radio and had to download it at iTunes. It's a martini feeling song that may help you forget you ever heard "The Christmas Shoes" or any of those songs of my most despised Christmas song list.

Have a good Monday and get ready for a new ugly Christmas sweater tomorrow.

A Review of Last Night's Party

Do  you think the American Dental Association gets miffed every year when Rudolph is shown. I mean it depicts dentists as misfits. I see a potential libel law suit in the future. The ADA v. Santa -- we're not misfits.

But one of the main topics of conversation came when Sue brought us the Argyle cartoon that was in the paper that day. If you look closely it appears that Santa's bedmate is a guy. Well this should be the topic of the next Republican debate. The liberal media is now portraying Santa as a homosexual.

Let's think about this -- he is a snappy dresser, likes to wear his "gay apparel," spends a lot of time at shopping malls, seems a little obsessed with naughty people, and goes to a lot of holiday parties. He could be gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that. 

And the other big topic from last night is how Myrna's mother-in-law answers the phone. She says hello like Squiggy from Laverne & Shirley. Now we all want to call her just to hear her answer the phone and then hang up. We are a sick group and should probably never get together again. By the way, Sue, you left your green bag here.

Some Gift Ideas From The Past

 Here are some gift ideas from the past. They will warm the cockles of your heart -- if you are Newt Gingrich or Rick Perry. Speaking of warming the cockles of your heart -- what is more Christmasy than Santa and a machine gun. I believe this is where the new holiday hit "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer And Then She Retaliated With Gunfire" came from. Talk about "You'll shoot your eye out"!!!

I'm taking off work today to do some shopping and finish up my cards, etc. My friends Peter, Sue & Myrna (who used to be the other Sue until I changed her name) are coming over for our annual Reindeer Games celebration. We eat, laugh, watch Rudolph, laugh, eat and -- you get the picture. There is always the discussion of why the doll is on the Island of Misfit toys (I think she has syphilis) and the singing of "Why Am I Such as Misfit." I have a collection of talking Rudolph characters that I've had for many, many years. This year I am sending them home with Myrna. She has three kids at home 10, 7 and 3 and I think they'll have a lot of fun with them. It's kind of like a scene from Toy Story when the toys get to go to a home where they'll be played with instead of left sitting on a shelf for a few weeks a year. It's part of my effort to start "thinning the herd" of crap that I have. I believe "crap" is the exact term interior designers use when referring to items that sit on shelves or in boxes in closets.


Have a fun day ... I'm off to stimulate the economy.