I'm Back But I'm Not Here

I have started blogging again … needed a break but took way too long of a break … and now I'm writing and creating again.

You can find my blog at www.swellthoughts.com

My website at www.swellgals.com

Hope to see you there.

Post-Thanksgiving Greetings

I'm still alive. Very busy earning an A. Hope to make that an A+ soon.

I am sorry I've been away but I'm working on a big project that I plan to launch around the first of the year. Keep tune.

Hope you had a great Thanksgiving. Daisy and I are having a fun first holiday season together. She has really settled in and follows me every where I go ... fortunately for her I don't move around too much, especially after work. These past few days she is getting her work out as I bring things out and put them up for Christmas. She finally gave up and just hopped up on the chair and laid there staring at me. I have drastically reduced my Christmas decorating this year. I love the decorations when they are up but I hate 1) putting them up 2) packing away stuff so I have room to put them up 3) taking it down and 4) unpacking all the stuff I put away to make room. So it's a minimalist Christmas this year -- well minimalist for me.

I will try to be better at posting ... if not I guess it's back to the stockades for me!!!!

Dusting, Mopping & Brooms Oh My

Well I have my hat for the winter. And it is winter isn't it? Yesterday I waited half an hour for my bus. I was so happy when it arrived I almost kissed the driver.

I don't think Daisy is too fond of cold weather. When we go out she is constantly shaking herself. I may have to buy a coat or sweater for her. She's so tiny and thin that there is no body fat on her. She is truly a skinny little bitch

This past weekend some sort of virus got into me and I found myself cleaning -- no real cleaning. I actually mopped my floors. I know hardwood floors are the in thing to have but if it ever have the money I would replace them with carpeting or I'm going to buy room rugs or Italian marble floors -- yes that's what I will get and then some statues with water coming out of their mouth or other orifices. Actually I could just keep my floors and hire someone to come in and clean. That is my idea of luxury, to have someone come in once a month and clean and bake and cook and give me a mani/pedi. Oh dear, I've watched way too much television.

Next week we get a long weekend. In case you didn't know I will be doing stand-up for the first time in probably 10 years (if you don't count my Fringe shows) on the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Here is the information:

Well off to the salt mines.

Sunny Day

Well the sun has come out ... both outside and inside. After months and months and months of feeling in limbo about money problems they have finally all been resolved. None of them are exactly what I was hoping for but they are resolved. It's amazing how just knowing where I stand makes me feel better -- even if I'm not standing where I want to. As the great philosophers (the Rolling Stones) said you can't always get what you want but you get what you need.

So now I can move on and make decisions based on fact not maybes. How nice.

And the sun is shining outside and it will be a heatwave in the 50s this weekend. I'm going to have to dig into my cedar chest and find my tankini so I can head to the beach.

Last night I was watching television (such an unusual evening for me -- yeah right) and this commercial came on that started with a scene from the ocean and I thought it was going to be some political ad when it dawned on me THERE ARE NO POLITICAL ADS and I was led to rise from my couch and do a short, but lovely, happy dance. NO POLITICAL ADS, NO POLITICAL ADS. It just brought out the hokey pokey in my heart.

I am amazed, or maybe not so amazed, by the anger over the results. I remember in 1980 when Reagan won my friend's husband (now ex-husband) made a gigantic sign and put it on his lawn saying "What Have You Done America?" That was about as angry as people got -- at least that I recall. And we all lived through 8 years of Reagan and his minion George H.W. It's part of being in a democracy -- you can't always get what you want and sometimes you don't get what you need either.

So today is a good day -- and I'm hoping for many good days to come and I'm still hoping for a pony for my birthday because that's the kind of gal I am.

I'm Home; I'm Home

Be it ever so humble and rather messy there's no place like home. I was in San Jose (yes I know the way) for the weekend and got home last night around 7:30. I was frisked at airport security ... well my ankles were frisked which was really odd. I have no idea what the x-ray showed that would cause someone to pat down my ankles but it was strange to say the least. My friend Geri has to be frisked all the time because of her knee replacement. She always tells them they have to buy her dinner but they never laugh. She's playing to the wrong audience.

Tomorrow is Election Day. The madness is almost over or it may almost be starting. It's so close I'm afraid there will be another Bush/Gore fiasco. I can't take another Bush/Gore fiasco, especially when Bush ends up winning. But no matter what, the political commercials will end and the Christmas commercials will kick into full gear. Oh boy, I can hardly wait ...

Hell No We Won't Blow -- When Musicians Strike

 

The Twin Cities is in the midst of a strike by two orchestras, the Minnesota Orchestra and the St. Paul Chamber Orchestra. When I think of strikers I tend to think of burly, sweaty

construction workers, average-Joe civil servants or blue collar assembly workers. I have seen nurses on strike and teachers on strike but I have never seen classical musicians on strike. I have a feeling Jimmy Hoffa never equipped the unions to work with teamsters who really carry violins in their violin cases. Union leaders would be forced to adapt their traditional strike “methods” for this particular group.

There will be picket lines and picket signs. The traditional “LOCAL NO. SUCH-AND-SUCH ON STRIKE” seems so flat for groups as sharp as these. In fact, the dignity of these groups makes you think you’ll see signs like: “PLEASE GIVE US MORE MONEY. THANK YOU.” and “WE’D REALLY APPRECIATE A BETTER CONTRACT. HAVE A NICE DAY.”

But, as a creative artist and supporter of unions, I would like to suggest some signs that will show not only your devotion to music, but your commitment to a fair contract. Here are some ideas:

·      We’ll Beat No Drums For Management Scum

·      We Read Management Fortissimo

·      Kiss My Brass Section

·      You’re Killing Us A Poco A Poco

·      Management Plucks

·      Our Cymbals Won’t Crash Without More Cash

·      Impresario Unfair To Musicians

·      If Our Paycheck Has No More Do —You’ll Have No More Mi

·      The Bach Stops Here

·      If You Don’t Pay This Fella You’ll Be Singing A Cappella

·      Duet To Management Before They Duet To Us

Of course, picket line chants really make or break a strike. While not Gregorian chants or Wagner arias, here are some ideas that will get your point across and are not only fitting for this occasion, but they can be done in three-quarters time:

·      No more Bach — No more Ravel; Take your offer straight to Hell

·      Two Bits, Four Bits, Six Bits, A Dollar; If that’s all you’re paying you’ll hear no more Mahler

·      Hell No We Won’t Blow

·      What do we want? — BETTER PAY; When do we want it? — ALLEGRO

Brothers and sisters of the note, your solidarity in this strike effort will show management that just because you are refined musicians at the top of your craft, you can’t be pushed around. I believe your motto should be:

United we Crescendo, divided we Decrescendo.

Want to know a secret?

In a weak moment I volunteered to be on a committee for a conference that is this Thursday. It was an excellent learning experience for me and reminded me to NEVER NEVER EVER VOLUNTEER TO BE ON A COMMITTEE AGAIN.

I'm not a good committee person -- I mean I have great ideas and people go with other ideas -- what's wrong with them?!?! I think in most instances people are better off with a benevolent dictator telling them what to do than with a committee of people who are trying to "come to a consensus." Oh sure you try to do that in a democracy but look at where it's gotten us. Our current consensus government couldn't agree that the sky is blue, the grass is green, and women should never have to pay taxes.

So at our last meeting it was decided we would write a question on the name tag as an ice breaker. I suggested "where is the kinkiest  place you've had sex" but the consensus was to go with something else.  So instead we are answering "what is something about yourself that you've told anyone." Who the hell is going to tell a total stranger about something that they've never told their best friend, besides Catholics who go to confession and tell the truth?

So this leaves me with a world of possibilities for my answer to this question. Some possibilities are:

• I'm going to kill my family and eat them for Thanksgiving -- shhhh don't tell
• I am a man trapped in a woman's body and I can't help fondling her breasts
• I was sent here to save your soul
• I suffer from vaginal dryness
• My thighs are brought to you by Jell-O pudding
• I've never felt this attracted to a stranger before
• I like to shove Skittles up my nose and shoot them out at people

Oh the possibilities are endless. If you have any suggestions, let me know. Send them here.