Bye Bye 2010

There's always a bit of sadness for me on New Year's Eve. It was 6 years ago (I can't believe it's been that long) that my friend Dale Wolf passed away. I was blessed to be at her bedside when she left us. It was 2 in the morning. I remember coming home around 4 and going to my computer to send emails to several of Dale's friends and my friends to tell them the news. At the time I had a Christmas clock hanging on the wall near the room where my computer was. It would play a song on the hour, except when it was dark -- there was a light sensor that would keep it from going off. Well it was around 4:30 or so when all of a sudden the clock started to play "Jingle Bells." Now I don't know what you believe about the after life but I'm certain it was Dale telling me she was dashing through the snow laughing all the way. I always think of her when I hear Jingle Bells, unless I start singing "Jingle Bells, Batman Smells, Robin laid an egg." Then I don't think of her. If you want to know more about Dale you can visit www.dalewolf.net, a website I set up for her.

I also want to thank Kacia for her idea to make oatmeal better. You can read it under comments from yesterday's post where I pissed and moaned about not liking oatmeal but wish I did. I'm heading out to get some apple cider. Thanks Kacia and also thanks for not telling me it's just something you have to get use to. I don't drink coffee and when I tell coffee drinkers that I've tried it but I think it tastes horrible they all say "Well it's just something you have to get use to." I suppose I could get use to eating bear droppings too but I just don't see the reason to try to.

I want to wish all of you a happy new year. I hope 2011 will be a good year for everyone. And please drive safely tonight if you are out and about. There are a bunch of drunk idiots out there -- I know I use to be one of them. I plan to stay home and try to stay awake until at least 10:30 then I'll drink my prune juice, take out my teeth, and shuffle to my bed, careful to put up the railings so I don't fall out.

10 ... 9 ... 8 ...

What A Difference A Day Makes

To the left is me today to the right is me yesterday. What happened to that sun? And it is raining like crazy out there. That should make for an interesting drive -- fortunately I don't have to go anywhere.

I stopped at the grocery store on my way home yesterday and it was packed. I guess people are stocking up for another round of bad weather. And from what I saw in the baskets around me it was more about comfort food than nutrition. What are your comfort foods? I think mine are pretty standard:

1. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes
2. Grilled cheese and tomato soup
3. Messy Marys (aka Sloppy Joes)
4. Pizza
5. Noodles (macaroni) and Tomato Juice

Yes I know the last one is not one of the standard foods but for some reason when I was in high school I decided to combine tomato juice with macaroni noodles and loved it. I found out one of my best friends Sue also ate that as a kid and her kids love it too. She adds some seasonings I think but I don't -- I like it plain.

Foods that make me uncomfortable (and in some instances cause me to go screaming into the night):

1. Anything with mayonnaise - the worse food ever concocted
   
2. Fish except for shrimp and lobster (yeah I have that all the time)
3. Blue cheese (smells like vomit)
4. Beans - any variety except jelly
5. Peas from a can or in soup

There are some foods I wish I could become more fond of because I know they are good for me:

1. Oatmeal -- I don't like milk so I have to eat it plain
2. Tea -- I like iced tea but would like to learn to drink hot tea
3. Yogurt
4. Unsweetened cereal -- again I don't like milk so I have to eat it plain
5. Honey

I hope some day scientists will discover that ice cream is nature's perfect food and cookies are good for lowering cholesterol. Until then, pass the oatmeal please.

A Strange Subject for a Sunny Day

I'm still on vacation ... yippee.

Unfortunately I have to go to my uncle's funeral this afternoon -- unfortunate because he passed away, not unfortunate because I'd rather be home watching Oprah.

I don't like funerals. Now that may sound like a stupid statement - who likes funerals. I mean I don't like the ones that are all about the wonderful place the person has gone rather than about the person. I admit I'm not a believer in heaven/hell although I do think there is something after all of this -- I'm just not sure what it is.

I have a friend who has put together a bunch of depressing songs she wants played at her funeral. Her reasoning is she wants to be sure people are crying. Since she is younger than me I doubt I'll be there but just in case I'm not going to cry just to piss her off.

I have a couple of songs I'd love to have at my funeral and the one I want for sure is from Monty Python. It's "Always Look On The Bright Side Of Life." I would also like the long version of "In-a-gadda-da-vida" just to see how long people would politely sit there and listen to it. Ha!

At my mom's funeral we had a woman playing the piano and I asked that she play "Rufus Rastus Johnson Brown" at the end of the service. It was a song that linked me with her and my grandma. So that should definitely be the "big finish."

So on that cheery note ... sorry hope that wasn't a bummer for you. I promise I won't plan my funeral in my blog anymore.

Have a good day. It's sunny and warm (30 degrees). I may put the top down on my car.

A Day In The Park

This is a photo I took in the park yesterday. It's the bench where Freckles and I would hang out a lot in the warmer months. I don't think we'll be hanging out there for a while.

So what are you doing for the rest of the year? Are you making resolutions? I try hard not to make resolutions but I can't help but have it in the back of my mind? If I could make any changes I think I would like to figure out a better way to use my time. It seems like I waste a lot of time and then all of a sudden the day is over and I'm saying to myself "Well there goes another day where I didn't find a cure for cancer, didn't write the next great American novel, didn't solve world hunger, and didn't clean the bathroom."

Actually I'd just like more time to write, take pictures, read, and do all of the other projects I have to do. I wish I could get by on 6 hours of sleep a day but I'm definitely an 8 hour person. Hey maybe I could sleep at my desk for 2 hours every day -- do you think anyone would notice? Perhaps I've solved my time problem -- and when I'm fired I'll have lots of time!

Well That's That

The trouble with Christmas is that it ends so abruptly. That's the nice part about taking the week after Christmas off -- it feels like you extend the holiday a little longer.

I had a nice Christmas. Spent Christmas Eve with the sparents. We got a dinner from Kowalski's and it was so good. Lots of leftovers so I'm still eating ham and cheesy potatoes. The dessert was decadent and should only be served once a year. Christmas Day I went to my niece's for brunch and had another nice time. Her dining room and living room looked like something out of a Martha Stewart show -- it was so pretty. My nephew made Belgian waffles although at one point we were rather concerned with what would be served when I heard my niece say "Holy shit balls what are you doing?" But it turned out fine.

Yesterday I went to my friend Mary's house and had hamburgers cooked outside (yum) and watched one of the classic Christmas movies -- "You Don't Know Jack." I was fooled too and thought it was about Jack Frost but instead was about Jack Kevorkian (aka Dr. Death). Nothing says Merry Christmas like a movie about assisted suicides. Fa-la-la-la-la. But it was such a nice day just sitting around with friends and relaxing. And Freckles met their new dog Wally. Wally got her pretty excited and there was some running and jumping. Wally also wanted to do a little humping but Freckles wouldn't have anything to do with that.

So now it's back to reality of sorts. I hope you all had a good holiday too.

Oops - Sorry Maria

I just found out the Target Lady that I so despise is actually Maria Bamford a friend of mine from stand-up comedy days. I didn't recognize her at all. I love Maria -- she's funny and nice -- but I still hate those Target commercials.

I wrote yesterday about losing my Uncle Dick. I am extraordinarily lucky because I had a family that loved to laugh and had a great sense of humor. Not everyone can say that. So yesterday, when I was having a sad moment I think the Hirsch Humor Fairy came and tapped me on the shoulder (or the brain) because all of a sudden I heard that little voice in my head (not the little voice that tells me to run naked through the fields with a machete -- that's a different little voice) I heard that funny little voice in my head say "Gee you should have bought him some Christmas shoes." Oh the irony. That made me laugh.

My vacation starts today. I don't return to work until Jan 4 although I have a project to work on at home. It will be nice to have some time off. I can make a list of the resolutions I don't plan to keep for 2011.

The End of an Era

Well the Hirsch brothers are all together again. My Uncle Dick (on the left) passed away yesterday. I can almost imagine the fun of that reunion.

He was a good and kind man. He and my Aunt Betty always came to see me when I was in the Minnesota Fringe Festival and they were at my graduation party and my book launch party.

I am sad at the loss. He is the last of my dad's siblings -- the Greatest Generation. He had the Hirsch eyes and smile and I could see my dad in his face and now that is gone. It's kind of like losing my dad all over again.

I really miss my folks at Christmas time and especially my dad. He had such a childlike wonderment about the holidays. One year I remember he came home on Christmas Eve with gigantic bags from Target. He had decided to go out and buy a bunch of gifts himself, instead of leaving it up to mom. And oy, such gifts -- I remember a great sweater but there was also some pink ski goggles (I hadn't been skiing for years), a record album called "Hootenanny Hoot" that my dad was glad to take from me if I didn't want it, and one of those boxes with all the little drawers that people use to keep nails and bolts and such in. I wasn't sure why he got that for me but I did use it for jewelry or something like that. And he LOVED any gift he got. One year I crocheted (yes me, crocheting) everyone a hat and a scarf. Somewhere I have a picture of my dad wearing that hat -- which was way too small -- but he always wore it and the scarf because I made it for him.

Well goodbye Uncle Dick. I love you and will miss you.

Winter Time Is Here

Happiness and Cheer,
Fun for all,
That children call,
Their favorite time of year.
A Charlie Brown Christmas

I love that show. I love the fact that I was around the first time it was shown on television. It was always a must watch show every year. There were lots of Christmas Specials to watch -- not so many any more unless you count all the Hallmark and Lifetime movies about some woman who doesn't appreciate what she has or is looking for love in all the wrong places, or is going to meet Jesus and needs some fancy shoes for the trip. On Saturday, as a special holiday treat, TNT showed Titanic without commercials. Nothing says happy holidays like the sinking of a boat and the death of 1,500 people. Fa-la-la-la, I hope you can swim.

Of course I saw on PBS the show that looked at the Andy Williams Christmas Specials, which were also a must watch every year. It was clear to see why kids were all screwed up when it came to family. You watch the "perfect family" in their matching sweaters decorating the tree and singing carols and wonder what's wrong with your family. It wasn't until his ex-wife shot her lover that I finally was really able to relate to the Williams clan. I use to listen to my Andy Williams Christmas album in the basement and had created an entire special, staring me, based on this music. I think the best part was the Rockettes-styled dancing line performing to The Little Drummer Boy. It would have been a smash on Broadway for sure.

George? George? Where art thou George?

It's almost Christmas ... time to breakout the Christmas sweaters.

Last night I got all set-up to wrap the gifts I have to send today (yes, last minute of course) and I could not find the bag from Barnes & Noble. I looked everywhere. I went down to the garage and looked in my car and trunk -- three times. I looked in the closets. I looked in other bags. I looked EVERYWHERE. I decided I had left the bag at B&N, or I put it on top of the car when I was getting in and it fell off, or someone had come into my place and stole that one bag. I was distraught. I sat on the couch trying to decide what I was going to do and then I looked to my left and there it was, balancing on top of the couch kind of tucked into the cushion. I'm glad I didn't make my 911 call to report the theft of 3 Curious George books and a calendar about beagles.

Remember how tired we were of political ads and stories and then the Target lady? Well that's how tired I'm becoming of hearing about the Vikings game tonight at the U of M stadium and about the "coming" snow storm(s).

By the way, I haven't seen her on TV, but that Target lady is now on the radio. Thankfully there is a button I can push to go to a different station. I have a feeling she's about to return for the after Christmas sale. Oh the humanity.

Oops, I almost forgot

Sorry ... I had a doctor's appointment this morning and then I guess I just forgot. Oh well. I don't do that too often.

I stopped at Target on my way home and was going to pick up a couple gifts and I kept seeing things for me. That's not the way it's suppose to be. I actually didn't get anything for me but I sure know what I like and I'm easy to shop for.

I haven't even thought about Christmas Cards this year and I think I'm going to pass on sending them. I usually send one every year but I'll blame going to school on the fact that I was too busy. That sounds much more noble than I was too busy watching TV and playing computer games to do my cards this year.

I had someone stop me and ask if they could take a picture of my car. I have reindeer antlers on it. I'll take a picture and post it here. I have discovered two things about having reindeer antlers on your car 1) people are actually nicer drivers to me - it's as if they are afraid not to let a car that is so jolly merge in front of them; and 2) I'm less likely to be a crazy driver because I am driving a jolly car and jolly cars do not flip people off.

Have a good weekend. No snow!!!!!

Christmas Queen

I have another song to add to my favorite Christmas songs: Christmas Queen by Miss Piggy. In fact, the Muppets Red and Green Christmas CD is worth the money. The Christmas Smorgasbord with the Swedish Chef is totally worth the price too.

Last night I learned that my uncle had a heart attack and stroke and has been taken off of life support. I am so sad. He's the last surviving member of my dad's family. I was at the 60th anniversary party for him and my aunt last summer -- so glad I went to that. He's a good person and I'll miss him. It's especially hard to lose someone at the holidays. Last year my friends Geri and Mary both lost their moms within a week of each other.

Well that was a downer, huh? Okay let's end on a brighter note. Last night when I got off the bus I was trying to get onto the sidewalk but the passage was a hill. I kept trying to get up and I get sliding down. Tried again, again I slid down. On the third try I made it to the top and fell down trying to go down the other side. I felt like an incompetent mountain goat. Thankfully last night the city plowed the sidewalk on the other side of the street where the park is so I can walk there tonight. Of course all the way home after my "incident" the song "High on the hill was a longely goater, lady-oh a lady-oh a lady hoo" from Sound of Music kept going through my head. That's the one song from that movie that I can't stand. Perhaps tonight I'll be singing "How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria" or "The Christmas Queen."

Glasses and Classes and Snow Up To Our [fill in the blank]

We had a sunglasse decorating contest at work and I WON ... yippee. Who would have thought I would ever win a craft contest. I had to get out my glue gun that a friend gave me and I burned myself twice (remember I once said there should be a 7 day waiting period before you can buy a glue gun). But it was worth it to look like an idiot and win a contest.

I'm also done with my classes. Yippee. Of course now I have to try to use what I learned. It was a lot to learn in a short amount of time (although it didn't feel like a short amount of time -- 14 weeks).

My favorite was Flash -- no it doesn't involve a trench coat. I'm working on a winter scene and when I've finished it I'll post it here. It's the kind of thing I could spend hours and hours on and love every minute. I may have found something new to do with my life.

And more snow is coming. How thrilled are we about that?

Up In The Air It's A Bird, It's A Plane, It's Zen Dog

This is a snapshot from the webcam at Downtown Dogs where Freckles is spending the day. If you look on top of the blue ramp on the left you will see Freckles looking off into the distance where all the other dogs are. It is hysterical to watch her during the day because while all the other dogs are following the person in the room where he or she goes, Freckles finds a place to plant herself and just watch. Yes, I think she's the Doggie Lama -- Zen on three legs.

I am pleased to announce that after fighting and begging and wishing for almost a year and a half (since July 2009) I finally got my escrow refund check yesterday. I refinanced in 2009 and received a nice hunk of money back on my escrow account. I put it in the bank and the same day the mortgage company filed for bankruptcy and all their funds were frozen ... including my money. The check came back NSF and since then I have had to dig and claw to find out which of the institutions that took over the mortgages had taken my mortgage (or at least my leftover mortgage) and then to get a check from them. It couldn't have come at a better time. It also couldn't have come at a worse time. I put it in my savings account but I'm so tempted to go to Jamaica and never return. I think I would look great with rastafarian hair, don't you?????

Okay, You Can Look Now

Here's my short hair. Oh well, it'll grow back, but boy is it easy to wash/dry but boy is it cold on my neck.

I'm hoping the bus will be on time this morning. But I know it will be crowded with people who don't normally take the bus unless there has been a blizzard. I hate those people because they are sitting in my seat and they are most likely to complain about riding the bus. Get off the bus you creeps!!!!!

Freckles is enjoying the snow/cold and from what I can tell she's the only one around here. We had a tow truck get stuck so another tow truck had to come and get it out. I was waiting for that truck to get stuck and then have another tow truck -- kind of like those nesting dolls.

Well wish me luck on not having to wait too long for a bus.

Don't Look At Me

I got my hair cut yesterday and it is way too short. I look like a pinhead. I'm just glad my hair grows fast.

Last night I was so tired I fell asleep watching The Office and didn't wake up until almost 10:00. When I did wake up I couldn't find Freckles. I finally found her laying on her blanket in the bedroom. I discovered why she was hiding. We usually go "out" at 9:00 and poor girl just couldn't wait for me to return to the living world so she had a little accident and she felt bad so she ran away. She looked so relieved that I wasn't mad at her. When we went to bed she almost slept on top of me. Dogs are so great.

The weather people are having orgasms over the potential "snow storm" coming our way tonight. They really need to calm down. You know the grocery stores are going to be crowded tonight with people getting provisions. I've never really understood that. I mean the longest you may be stuck in your home is a day or possibly two. People buy enough food for a week. We aren't living on the prairie people. But I'm sure companies like Cub, Rainbow, and Lund's love to hear about snow storms because they know there will be tons of money coming their way.

It's almost the weekend. Enjoy it no matter what the weather is. Now I have to go shopping for a warm hat, I don't have much to keep my head warm any more.

RIP Elizabeth

What do you think she is thinking? I know what I'd be thinking and I know he'd be walking funny for a very long time. Well in the end she was the hero and he was and is the villain.

I felt sad when I heard she passed. I especially feel for her kids. They are too young to lose a parent. I lost my dad when I was 25 and that was way too young. I hate cancer and what it does to people and their bodies. I wish there were no diseases and that everyone just simply died of old age. Or that like the Eskimos, at a certain age we just climb on an iceberg and float off to sea, probably to end up as dinner for a polar bear. Not a bad idea, it's kind of like recycling. Okay -- how did I get on this subject? Yikes.

I would like to point out that there are only 15 days to Christmas and I have done NO SHOPPING. This Saturday I will be cashing in my bucket of coins and going shopping. Every year I practice what Suzi Orman calls paying only with paper. I only use dollar bills to pay for things and all my change goes into a bucket I have at home. Last year I had over $300 and this year I think I'll top that. It's a pretty easy way to save money if you can resist the temptation to cash in early. The only problem is it is really heavy. I have to put it in my rolling suitcase to take it to the bank. I think when the security cameras see me coming they put their fingers on the panic button thinking I've come to fill my suitcase with money rather than to empty my suitcase of money. But it is fun to put into the coin counting machine and watch the numbers get higher and higher. Last year I had a small group gather to watch with me. Obviously these were people who were desperate for entertainment.

Well time to brave the frozen tundra and take Freckles for her morning toilette.

Just A Chillin' Dog

Have I mentioned that I have a dog?

Yesterday I took Freckles to doggie day care. They have installed new software so the web cam where you can watch your dog during the day is so much better. And there was Freckles, laying on her bed in the middle of the room. Dogs were running by her on all sides, some even hopped up and off the bed in their pursuit of each other and there was Freckles, just laying there chilling and watching the action.

I wonder what she is thinking. I don't know if she's just mellow or kind of depressed. I worry about such things. I just don't know if she's happy; I wish I could read her mind. I like to think she is simply content. While others around her need to be busy and chasing after each other she is just fine the way she is. Now that I think about it, she's kind of a Zen dog. Perhaps she was a Buddhist monk in a previous life. Perhaps she was Gandhi -- she does have a strange resemblance to Ben Kingsley.

Grasshopper ... feed me another Snausage.

Happy BD BFF

Happy birthday to my BFF Annie. She is turning 32 today although she doesn't like to admit how "old" she is getting.

Annie and I met at work and have been friends for over 7 years now. Most Friday nights we get together to play Uno (she beats me 90% of the time), eat some delicious meal I've prepared such as Messy Marys (aka Sloppy Joes) and watch a movie. We are Best Friends Forever! This is a picture of us at one of our firm's holiday parties. Earlier that day we had gone and had manicures so not only do you see our smiling faces but our lovely nails.

Today is also the second to the last night of classes -- yippee. I grew tired of this weekly ritual about three classes ago. Don't tell, but sometimes when I get bored during class I surf the internet. I discovered that if I sit in the last row, way over in the corner, I can actually do anything I want. I use to go to a website that would post what was happening on the elimination round of Dancing With The Stars. I had to stop doing that when Bristol Palin kept getting voted through. Now I just check Facebook and my email.

But my real concern is now that the school year is almost over -- will I get asked to the winter dance?

Why Am I Such A Misfit?

That's Sue S, Sue G-K, Peter and moi. Many years ago we got together to fly a kite. We should do that again.

We all worked together at Norwest (now Wells Fargo) back in 1998 and we've been friends ever since (well actually we just humor Peter and let him think he's a friend). Last night we got together for our annual Reindeer Games. We watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and eat and do a lot of laughing. And this year was no exception. There was the usual discussion about why the doll was on the Island of Misfit Toys when she didn't have any obvious flaws. I believe she has syphilis or perhaps is on the run from the law. Peter suggested she would make a great "don't let this happen to you" doll with various symptoms that I won't discuss here. And Sue S, well Sue S said, as Yukon Cornelius went over the cliff with the Bumble Monster, "Aren't we going to see Cornelius again?" We've watched this movie every year for probably five or six years and she doesn't remember the plot!!! This is the same person who said at the beginning of the movie "Are we going to watch this again?" Apparently Sue we can watch it over and over again because you don't remember the plot!!! Sue G-K has three children 9, 6, and almost 2 and she just comes now to get away from the chaos that is her home and to eat pizza. We know we are just an excuse but that's okay -- we don't mind being used. She is also the one that had to write me a check for $9 towards the pizza. I don't think I can recall anytime when Sue has cash. I'm not sure why. And Peter, well you have to experience an evening with Peter to really understand. At one point he went all around the living room pressing the button to make all my various Christmas characters talk or sing or dance. And he follows me out to get the pizza wearing Freckles elf hat on his gigantic bald head. He scares me.

It was a fun night. Everyone should have a great group of friends like that.

Happy Birthday Mom

On December 7, 1941 the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor. I'll always know that date because on December 6, 1941 my mom turned 15 and she was given a cashmere sweater for her birthday. She wore it the next day to school and had it on when everyone was called into the gymnasium to be told about Pearl Harbor. My mom said she could never wear that sweater again without remembering that horrible day. She told me 50 years later that she never really forgave the Japanese for attacking us. I think it had a lot to do with that sweater.

Well happy birthday mom, wherever you may be. I know your spirit is with me -- haunting me at times -- I love you a miss you.

I Love It / I Hate It

Well I've broken out the holiday outfits. Today's is a nice Christmas green with big-ass snowflakes all over it. It is accessorized with a nice pair of green socks with reindeer prancing about. Oh the holidays.

So I was listening to holiday music on KOOL 108 last night in the car and they started playing a song that I absolutely hate. So today is my list of holiday songs I can't stand:

1. The Christmas Shoes where that guy goes into a store and the kid wants to buy a pair of shoes for his mom before she meets Jesus tonight. Exchange the shoes for a 6-pack of beer and Jesus for Bubba and you'd have a great story.

2. The 12 Days of Christmas that goes on and on and on and on. The only version I like is by the Muppets.

3. The Little Drummer Boy. Pa-rum-pum-pum-bummer.

4. What Are You Doing New Year's Eve -- I'm sitting at home eating ice cream and watching some crap on television like 90% of the world.

5. O Tannenbaum sung in German. I can't help but get the feeling that somewhere in those lyrics is something that says "Look out Poland we're about to invade you."

My favorite songs:

1. Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree -- just makes you want to get up off your chair and dance.

2. Let It Be Christmas -- a song by Alan Jackson. If you've never heard it download it on iTunes or go to YouTube and listen to it but close your eyes because they show "W" and Laura and "W" looks like he is constipated.

3. Mary Did You Know? -- beside the fact my name is in the title, I like the message

4. The Christmas Song, especially by Nat King Cole. It is such a pretty and warm song.

5. Feliz Navidad -- love that song. Of course I can't help but think of the fact that someone on the radio said that their kid thought the song was saying "Police shot my dog." Listen to it and you'll understand how a kid can get that idea.

I could list 100 favorite Christmas songs, but I guess I have to take Freckles for a walk and go to work.

Mary With Your Nose So Bright ...

Do I really need to make any comment????

I was going through my Christmas stuff and I forgot about this. I love Rudolph. My friends Peter, Sue and Sue and I are getting together on Sunday to watch the movie and play reindeer games.

The question every year is the same ... why is the doll on the island of misfit toys? We are never told. I believe she has syphilis but I'm open to other reasons.

When I was a kid I watched the special every year and every year I was scared of the Abominable even when I knew what would happen. It's like those damn monkeys in the Wizard of Oz -- I still hate those monkeys.

I Need That Like A Hole In My Bread

I got to the end of my loaf of bread and all the slices had this big hole in it. It still makes great toast AND a nice fashion accessory.

Last night I finished another class in my series of web design classes -- Flash I. No, we aren't learning how to expose ourselves in your local parks -- we are learning how to make those fun banners and such that you see on websites. It is actually a lot of fun. But the best news is I only have one class left -- two more weeks. Every Tuesday night for 3-1/2 hours since September. It seems like a lifetime ago. This is one of those "overview" classes and I'm going to have to sit down and go through the books and notes and learn a lot of this all over again but it's kind of fun to understand how websites are built. If you want to see for yourself, go to "View" on your browser and choose Page Source. You will see all the code that goes into building the site. It's amazing.

What I'm most thrilled about is I'm still in the class. There were a few times, especially when I was trying to learn HTML, that I thought I'd quit, but I didn't. There is one man in the class who is probably in his early 70s and is taking the class to "expand his mind." I asked him last night if he feels his mind is expanding and he told me he thought it was about to explode.

Well, welcome to the first day of December. It's time to take our heart worm pill -- well for Freckles to take her heart worm pill. Bottom's up!

Have a Thin Mint.

This is my neice Britta's dog Skylar all dress up for the holidays. She is such a funny dog and we are best buds now, but a couple of years ago she was not so fond of me. That's when I discovered the trick to turning enemies into friends -- treats.

In fact, I would like to suggest that soldiers walk around Afghanistan and other countries not with guns but with pockets full of treats. I think we'd have a lot of friends than enemies. Send everyone in the world a box of thin mints for the holidays and see how many people friend you on Facebook.

Oh well just a thought on a gray and dreary November day.

My Elf Self

This is my new Facebook profile picture. It's actually from the Walgreen's ad but I just love her. I'm not sure if it's just the red hair or the total expression of joy, but when I see her I feel happy. I want to be this little elf.

This morning I did a real number on myself. I went to sit down and write my blog but I had put something on my chair yesterday and so the chair, which is on wheels, slid out from under me and I fell on the hardwood floor -- smack. I hit my back and head pretty hard. I can really feel it now in my upper back and shoulders.

When I realized what had happened I was a bit disappointed that I didn't knock myself out and end up in one of those Christmas movie dreams where you find out that you have made a difference in the world and that if it wasn't for you everyone would be living in Pottersville and the handsome guy realizes he couldn't live without you, but no such thing happened. Oh well. I could really use a little Christmas spirit right about now, even if it comes in the form of a hallucination. I've put up my decorations and it looks great but I just can't get into it. I've been listening to holiday music but finally had to turn it off. I even watched the Hallmark movie November Christmas but it was so schmaltzy and predictable that I hardly cried at all. Of course it was worth every second to see that hunk Sam Elliott -- now he could put a little ho, ho, ho in my stocking.

Gooble, Gooble, Gooble

Happy Thanksgiving to All
Mary and Freckles
(I'm the one on the right)

What Am I Thankful For?

Television or I never would have met my boyfriend Jack Bauer
Hang gliding because it reminds me there are people out there stupider than me
A wonderful puppy who loves me no matter what
Not living in Alaska
Keebler elves and all their fine cooking
Spelling oar elz wii woodent haf werds
Great big gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts
Iowa is not in Minnesota
Viagra for all the jokes it has and will supply
Insecurities for all the jokes it has and will supply
Numbers or how else would I call anyone
Good, great, grand friends and family

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. I'll see you all at Kohl's at 3 a.m.

Just A Thought or Two

Thought 1: Is anyone else totally creeped out by the M&M pretzel commercial. I would never buy them because I have this image of a pretzel being shoved up this guys behind. It even looks like they are wearing rubber gloves. It grosses me out.

Judge for yourself.

Thought 2: Who is going to go shopping at Kohl's at 3 in the morning. I suppose people will drive over there after the bars close. And Target/Sears etc. at 4 in the morning. I really feel for the people who work there. I heard K-Mart is open on Thanksgiving Day. That's just mean and stupid. I wish people would stay away so they would decide it wasn't worth it and let their employees stay home on Thanksgiving. And Old Navy opens at midnight. Yes, god knows we can't wait until 6 in the morning to buy a sweater.

Thought 3: I do want to promote Small Business Saturday. This year try to shop at some of the small, independent businesses in your neighborhood. Don't pass them by on the way to the mall, you never know what you are missing. My nephew works at a small business, Settergren Hardware, and they are all struggling to compete with the big box stores. This is a good chance to give small business owners a hand.

Thought 4: Oh I'm out of thoughts.

It's Thanksgiving Week

I started bringing out my Christmas decor on Sunday and putting away my fall decor. I listened to holiday songs and watched Elf. It's a good feeling. Then I get a recorded phone call from some political polling group and the first question is "Do you plan on voting in the November 2012 election?" And my thought is ... well Son of a Nutcracker. Let me at least get through the holidays before we start thinking about politics again. It's bad enough there is another recount in Minnesota for governor.

I got a new chair on Saturday. It is a recliner that belonged to my friend's mom (my sparent). She got a fancier one and offered this one to me. It's electric and with a push of a button the back goes back and the feet come up. It is also one of those chairs that can lift you out of the chair -- yes an old lady chair. Thankfully I don't need it but some day if I do, I'll have it. On the other hand it's fun to try but you have to be ready to get up because the first time I used it I kind of fell out of the thing. Oh well, it's an adventure. Last summer when my new friend Cameron, who is 3, was here he decided to give his great-grandma a ride on the chair. I looked over and poor Mrs. B was way up in the air hanging on for dear life. I thought she was going to fall splat on the ground. Really funny once it wasn't scary.

So get ready for some good eating and whatever the week will bring.

Blast From the Past

Well here I am in 7th Grade. Boy do we all look white. There was not one student in Junior or Senior High who was not white. And look at that hairdo -- I think I was trying to look like Patty Duke with my headband but I'm not sure.

This was in 1966-67. It's hard to imagine but when this was taken LBJ was President, the Vietnam War was raging, Bobby Kennedy and Martin Luther King, Jr. were still alive, no one had ever heard of AIDs, no one had landed on the moon, and some of my friends hadn't been born yet. I know at least two of the people in this picture have passed away. The summer of '67 was the "Summer of Love" but for us it was the year of puberty. We would whisper to each other the big news "I got my period." Our homeroom teacher Mr. Haaland was the nicest person you'd ever meet. He had some form of spinal bifida or something like that. He was quite short and had a humpback. It was truly my first personal encounter with someone different. Prior to that if I had seen anyone with crutches or in a wheelchair or any sort of physical malady my only encounter was my mother pointing and saying "You see how lucky you are," and then telling me not to look after she just pointed. No wonder I'm so confused in life. Look but don't look. But I digress, as usual.

Mr. Haaland was a science teacher and had the greatest smile and laugh. He was the first teacher I met in Junior High and he somehow made me feel everything would be okay. That was a lie, but he initially made me feel that way. Later on I learned I had Mr. S for English and all the 7th grade girls had been warned by the girls who went before them (8th and 9th grade girls who knew their way around) that Mr. S liked to look down our blouses at our bras. Well he never did that in my class, or any other class I heard of, but we all sat in fear of the day we would be called up to his desk and asked to bend over so he could take a look. He eventually married another teacher -- a French teacher -- who we figured didn't mind playing peek-a-boo with him among other things. Yuck, ick, so gross. I knew I'd never do anything so nasty.

Ryan Who?

People Magazine came out with it's Sexiest Man Alive issue and I had no idea who Ryan Reynolds was until they said he was in The Proposal. I know it shows I'm out of the loop but that's okay. I'm not that wild about their loop -- I like the loop I am in. So I sat down and came up with my own list of the 50 Sexiest Men Alive Who Happen To Be Over 50. The list is in alphabetical order but if I had to name my top five it would be 1) Terry Bradshaw -- I think he is super sexy; 2) Robert Redford with whom I share a birthday; 3) Randy Travis -- his voice turns me to Jello; 4) Lewis Black -- he is intelligent and funny and stimulates me intellectually which creates a trickle down effect that I won't discuss here; and (drum roll please) 5) Sam Elliott -- that smile will do things to you that normally would take a lot of AA batteries. Keifer is not on the list, because he is not yet 50 or yes, he would be at the top. So here is my 50. I actually ended up with about 58 but I whittled it down, reluctantly.

1. Alan Alda

2. Barry Manilow

3. Ben Kingsley

4. Bill Clinton

5. Bill Murray

6. Bob Woodward

7. Bruce Springsteen

8. Chris Noth

9. Christopher Plummer

10. Clint Eastwood

11. Colin Firth

12. Colin Powell

13. Dan Akyrod

14. Dennis Haysbert

15. Denzel Washington

16. Dick Van Dyke

17. Donald Sutherland

18. Eric Clapton

19. Gene Wilder

20. George Clooney (I found out George is only 49 so I'm replacing him with Van Morrison)

21. Harrison Ford

22. Harry Belefonte

23. James Taylor

24. Joe Montegna

25. Lewis Black

26. Liam Neeson

27. Matt Groening

28. Mikhail Baryshnikov

29. Morgan Freeman

30. Omar Sharif

31. Paul McCartney

32. Randy Travis

33. Ray Liotta

34. Ringo Starr

35. Robert Redford

36. Ron Howard

37. Sam Elliott

38. Sam Shepard

39. Sam Waterston

40. Sidney Poitier

41. Smokey Robinson

42. Steve Martin

43. Sting

44. Terry Bradshaw

45. Tom Brokaw

46. Tom Robbins

47. Tom Selleck

48. Tommy Lee Jones

49. Tony Bennett

50. Tony Shalob

No Pain, No Brain

I spent most of yesterday with a heating pad on my back and today I'm feeling better. I went to my last Dreamweaver class last night and walked out of there shaking my head. There is so much to learn and my little head is so full of fluff that I'm not sure I can shove anything more up there. Four more weeks of classes -- this next time it's all about Flash. I just don't know which trench coat to wear to class.

They (and who the hell "they" are I don't know) say it's good to keep learning new things it exercises your mind. Well I've never been much for exercise but I guess if I'm going to strenuously exercise anything it's going to be my mind. I think after I finish this series of classes, my brain will be ready for the Boston Marathon.

Oh The Faces I've Seen

Would you refinance from this guy? I didn't know ZZ Top had gone into the refinance business. And do you think he's wearing orange because he's a fall person or because it's the uniform du jour?

I get the oddest ads on Facebook. There's another one that says "Men Over 50 Are Looking For You" and they have all these incredibly handsome guys. I know the ones looking for me are either alcoholics, bill collectors or this guy here.

I love to see how I am perceived by the ads that I am targeted with. I get wrinkle cremes, vacation spots, and a lot of animal rescue ads. I need to change my life or profile or both so I start getting ads for Victoria's Secret, Cosmopolitan, or at least not Big Girl Panties.

Hey, that would be a good title for a self-help book "Change Your Underwear, Change Your Life." Excuse me I have to get to work on that.

I just found out I'm too late. Look here.

A Picture Paints A Thousand Intentions

I don't write a lot of serious posts, but when I saw these pictures I couldn't let it just go pass. These were taken during the integration of the New Orleans schools in November of 1960. There is a good article to read on the subject in today's NOLA paper.

I found these two pictures to be so sad and yet ironic. One is a picture of someone who believes "God" does not want integration. She and her friends stand together in the name of their god to intimidate and jeer at children as they go to school. The other is a picture of someone who believes "God" does not discriminate. She is courageously taking her child through a crowd of god-fearing people to take her daughter to the school that has been integrated.

The feeling of sadness I think is obvious, or I hope so. The feeling of irony may not be so obvious. Today I see god-fearing people again with their signs and their hatred and fear everywhere whether it be at the funeral of homosexuals, the attempts to build a Mosque, or a political gathering. And occasionally I see courageous people who do the loving thing just because, well it's the loving thing.

I'm realizing when we celebrate 50 year anniversaries now as "historical events," that I am part of those events. And that's not a bad thing when it was joyous moments like the first time the Beatles were on Ed Sullivan, the first time a man landed on the moon, or Nixon's resignation; but when it's moments like this, it reminds me of the fact that terrible and tragic events were not that long ago. That what I do today will be judged by others. And I have to decide, every day, in 50 years, what picture do I want to show up in?

Let it snow? Let It Snow. LET IT SNOW!

Okay I know that snow is a bummer in many ways. I don't have to shovel and my car is in a heated garage so I'm in much better shape than many people. But today, with the snow coming down, I realized there are a few good things about snow:

1. I am feeling very Christmasy again. My friend Peter told me I had to decorate this year and I was all "yeah, yeah, yeah" about it, but today I want to take everything out of the closet and start decorating. I have even created a "favorite holiday" playlist on my iTunes so I'll be ready to go on the day after Thanksgiving -- which my friend Sue insists is the proper day to begin listening to Christmas music. I may, however, watch "Elf" tonight. I love that movie (yes, Peter I know you hate that movie).

2. Freckles loves the snow. When we went out this morning she got up on the grass and looked up at me with a look that said "Oh boy it's back." I think dogs believe we can make this stuff come and go. When it's nice she likes me, when it's not so nice she's thinking "hey lady, get rid of this stuff." She ran as fast as she could through the snow and was bouncing all around with glee. Then she came in and went to one of her five beds and curled up in a sweet little ball of contentment. She doesn't usually sleep like this, she likes to stretch out but today she was in a secure ball.

3. And seeing her so content reminds me that snow gives you a perfect excuse not to go anywhere. It sucks when you are going somewhere and you have to make your way through it, but when you don't have any plans, a snowy day makes you want to curl up into your own ball of contentment and settle in for a nap.

So if you'll excuse me, I have some hibernation to do.

Big Friday Night

Annie and I are having a big night tonight:

1) A couple hot games of Uno where I will undoubtedly have my butt handed to me

2) A homemade dinner (by me, yes really) of macaroni and cheese with hot dogs.

3) Watch the classic "The Ghost and Mr. Chicken"

Annie and I hang together most Fridays. She is a great friend and reminds me of what is best in life. Have a good weekend.

Thank You

You may have seen this photo before but I think on Veterans' Day it is worthy of a second viewing. This is my dad (on the right) and his two brothers.

Having grown up during the Vietnam War days, there was a time when a veteran was not given much respect. In fact, I know when guys came back home they tried to hide the fact they had been in the service. Oh how times have changed -- for the better.

What has me ticked off though is the commercializing of the day. I got an email from one of our vendors. It had an American flag and said Veteran's Day and then underneath had his name and a tagline for his company. I thought that was extremely tacky. Even tackier than the President's Day Lingerie Sale they have every year at Dayton's/Marshall Fields/Macy's. Happy Birthday George Washington ... do you like my new push-up, cross-your-heart, underwire bra?

Well anyways ... thanks to all the men and women who have served in the armed forces.

Give Me A Break

The company I work for has season tickets to the Vikings and I am the go-to-person to handle payment and distribution. I received an email about voting for the top 50 Vikings to celebrate their 50th anniversary. When I was a kid my dad use to build apartment complexes, many of them that are now on the Bloomington 494 strip, and a number of his investors were Vikings including Fran Tarkenton. In fact Mr. Tarkenton (see I'm still 8 years old) use to come over to the house. So when I saw this opportunity to vote I thought what the heck, I'll see how many names I recognize. Well to my surprise they had a long list of present and former Vikings to chose from but I couldn't believe Brett Farve is one of them. Now he did a phenomenal job last season but they had to beg him to come back this season and he's been with the team for 1-1/4 years!!!! Give me a break.

Now for one of my best memories of all time that involved Mr. Tarkenton. When I was about 12 my family went up to Bemidji for a vacation and to watch the Purple vs. White game at Bemidji State, where the Vikings use to have their training camp. The day after the game about 6 or 7 of the players came to the resort to have dinner with us. Now besides having the entire resort starring at our table in envy what I remember was at one point when I came back to the table (I have no idea where I'd been), Mr. Tarkenton stood up and held out my chair for me. At 12 years old I felt like the queen of the world. He showed me what a gentleman is.

It was such a small gesture but, as you can see, I've never forgotten it. Makes you wonder how many small gestures we do in this world that people remember. I hope the ones I do are good ones.

Let There Be Light

I love it when it is light out in the morning. Yes, I know it will be darker earlier but that's okay because it's night -- it's suppose to be dark at night and light in the morning. So don't complain too much.

My friend Pat and I were two of the few people I know who didn't like it when it was light at 9 at night. I like my sunlight in the morning, of course there was as time when I use to like my vodka in the morning. People change, thankfully.

The other day I went to Target and they are taunting me with Christmas. I have 6 tubs filled with Christmas decorations plus my tree, a ceramic tree, and a snowman tree in separate boxes. This is the year I plan on decreasing the amount of holiday decorating I do. It takes me days to put everything up and days to put everything away and I just don't know if it's worth it anymore. Of course I've said that before and end up adding every year. We'll have to see how it goes. I don't want to end up on the holiday edition of Hoarders.

The Big Squeeze

This is a big day ... it's mammogram day. I can't wait to be squeezed until I think I'm going to explode. But it needs to be done.

I'm looking forward to a big weekend treat -- I got DVDs of two of my favorite movies as a kid -- The Ghost and Mr. Chicken and The Private Detectives -- starring Don Knotts. If you've never seen them you should. I think it's fun to go back and watch old movies.

Some other movies I would like to see again -- The Reluctant Astronaut, The Moonspinners, Flubber (the first one not the Robin Williams one), Hard Day's Night, to name a few. Of course be prepared to find out the movie isn't as good as you remember. I watched Babes in Toyland a few years ago and it just wasn't the same.

Well off to mamoland.

Am I A Fine Wine Getting Better With Age or a Fine Whiner Getting Bitter With Age?

So what's up with me? Where have I been lately?

Sorry, hard to get back into the swing of work. Good thing I'm not a teacher; imagine if I had had two months off instead of one week -- yikes.

Funny that I got the most done on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. I think having some sort of time constraint really makes a difference. It's a lot easier to put off something on Monday if you know you have 6 days to get it done.

Tonight I am at the halfway point in my classes. I like the classes but it sure is hard to go to school after working all day. I don't know how some people do this two or three nights a week for four or five years. These are people with determination, drive, and probably someone to do the laundry. I was going to say youth but didn't. I have been blaming a lot of my problems on age lately. I find myself saying "I'm too old to [fill in the blank]" or "Nothing I can do about [fill in the blank] it comes with age" a lot. Now while this may be true for a number of things:

• I'm too old to have a baby
• Nothing I can do about my eyesight getting worse, it comes with age
• I'm too old to be on American Idol
• Nothing I can do about liver spots, it comes with age
• I'm too old to join the Army (and a nation breathes a collective sigh of relief)

but it is as if I've given up and raised some sort of white flag (which I believe is actually a pair of old lady underpants) and surrendered, just waiting for death now.

I need to regroup, change directions, make a new plan Stan, get on the bus Gus, pick up the key Lee (wait that's 50 ways to leave your lover) -- you get my drift. I use to say I wanted to grow old disgracefully but I've let myself down. Perhaps before I start crocheting doilies to put on my tables and arm rests, I should have a little more fun.

Got to get going

Just a note to say:

1) I'm taking my friend to a colonoscopy -- not just a routine one. I hope everything is okay

2) I seem to be getting another cold -- sh*t

3) God I'm gorgeous

Have a great day

Oh The Weather Outside Is Frightening ...

I heard it's going to snow. Look at my happy face.

Started my Dreamweaver class last night (stop singing that song Peter and Sue). I love Dreamweaver -- you push a button and it puts in all that code I spent 6 weeks learning. It's like finding out if you just push a button all your work would get done. It's a miracle I tell you, it's a miracle.

Today is my clean the closet days. Can't wait to see what I find in there. Jimmy Hoffa, are you in there?

Staycation

Tonight Glee will be having its Rocky Horror Picture Show episode and I already have my CD. Can't wait to get home from school and watch it. Oh yes, I'm still taking classes. Tonight I start four weeks of Dreamweaver (please don't sing that song I hate it).

Perfect weather for an at-home, indoor staycation. It's gloomy and wet and "brisk" outside so it's nice to be in here playing on my computer, cleaning my closets, and, well, napping. Hey -- it's my vacation I can do whatever I want.

So you enjoy your day -- whatever you may be doing.

My New Niece (In Law)

Perry and Camila got married yesterday in Santiago, Chile. Here is a picture my niece Britta sent via her iphone. I'm hoping for better pictures soon.

I've started my week of vacation with a fun evening of games with my friend Peter, Sue and Sue. Have you ever laughed so hard you think you will never be able to breath again? Well that's the kind of fun I had on Saturday. I even laughed so hard I tooted and unfortunately Freckles wasn't in the room so I couldn't blame her.

Then Sunday night I had a turkey dinner at my sparents. My friend Lori was here visiting. It was a lot of fun too.

But when I got home last night I had one of the worse scares of my life. Freckles and I were in the elevator when we got to our floor, Freckles got out of the elevator and I was picking up my grocery bags when the door closed and Freckles was on her leash and I had the other end. Then the elevator started going up and I tried to rip the leash off the handle (it was a retractable leash) but I couldn't get it to budge. The elevator went up to the 4th floor before I could get it to go back down. I had this image of poor Freckles hanging and choking and I was hysterical. Fortunately the leash pulled the collar off her head (she's done that herself when we've been at the park) and she was just scared when the door opened. But boy did she get a lot of love and treats last night and I think my blood pressure finally went back to normal sometime around 3 this morning.

So it's vacation time. Yippee.