Wrong Number

Yesterday I filled in at the reception desk while a department went to lunch. I haven't sat up there for a long time and now I remember why.

The first call I got I put through to the wrong extension and when he called back I hung up on him. When he called back again I got it right but I tried to answer the phone with a different voice so he'd think it wasn't me. The next call was from someone who I believe was on a cell phone, driving through a tunnel, with marshmallows in his mouth. I kept saying "who, who, who" like an owl on crack. I finally put him through to the person I thought he kind of sounded like he was asking for a figured I'd let them figure it out.

Thankfully the rest of my stay at the desk went okay. There was, of course, the client who handed me his parking ticket and asked if I'd validate him. So I said "You are a swell person who a lot of potential and will do great things in this world." Well he wanted validation so I delivered.

The other thing about sitting at the front desk is you are trapped and people feel very free to come and tell you things you don't care about because they know you can't get up and leave or close your door -- all you can do is pray that a call will come in and maybe, just maybe, they'll go away.

No I think a receptionist career is not for me, although I do like to have access to the paging system. You never know when you'll get the urge to tell the entire office "Clean up on aisle 7."

Look What I Found

My dust pan ... I actually found both dust pans and the cord for my cell phone (I didn't mention that one yesterday but it's been lost for a few days too). My nano iPod is still MIA as is Jimmy Hoffa but I haven't lost hope.

Be sure to read the blog below this one ... it's a post from my crazy friend Peter and is a great story. You see a minister, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar -- oh no that's a different story. Never mind.

Last night I had a "Lassie" experience with Freckles -- you know how Lassie was able to communicate to everyone that Timmy was in trouble or there's a fire in the barn or the chemical compound for penicillin -- which was totally stolen by Alexander Fleming. Freckles came into my office at home and stood looking up at me. This normally means "I want a treat." So I gave her a Cheerio (she likes Cheerios) but then she ran (as much as an overweight 3-legged dog can run) back into the living room and turned and looked at me. I sensed something was going on -- she wanted a bigger treat than a Cheerio, like a Goof Ball (her absolute favorite treat next to a sirloin steak) so I ignored it but she ran back in looked at me and ran back out. So I followed because basically I'm a lemming. She ran over towards the kitchen, back to me, back to the kitchen, back to me so I walked over and she stood by her water bowl -- IT WAS EMPTY! She was telling me she wanted some water. What a smart dog. Okay, so there was no life threatening event but it's a start. Today she tells me she wants some water; tomorrow she tells me the building is on fire and I should save myself, her, and the Goof Balls.

Bravo brave beagle, bravo. (Not a bad alliteration for 7:00 in the morning.)

Have You Made Someone Smile Today?

This is a guest post from my friend Peter. He is pictured here in his normal state of loveliness.

I ran to Bruegger's to grab a sandwich for lunch; I walked up to the counter to place my order with the incredibly friendly staffer. While making the sandwich, he asked me how my day was. I responded with the typical "fine." He pressed a bit and asked if anything interesting happened to me today. Did I meet anyone new? Did I have any good meetings? Have I seen a Muppet? To which I responded "Nope, just a good day."

After a few seconds I finally asked "Wait a minute; did you just ask me if I saw a Muppet?" He said "Yep, I certainly did. Wouldn't it be great if you could be walking down the street and run into a Muppet."

I have to say, this put a HUGE smile on my face. What a great thing to say; how could anyone NOT smile after being asked that question? After this, I thought how easy -- and nice -- it is that people take the time to make you smile. I honestly have to say, I'll go back to that place as often as possible. Interesting the impact one person can have.

And yes, it WOULD be great if I could walk down the street and see a Muppet. I miss them.

------

This Bruegger's is on 46th & Nicollet. And Peter makes me smile every once in a while when he's not telling me he hates me (although he really loves me).

Where The Heck Is It?

As I mentioned yesterday, I'm rearranging furniture ... well the furniture has been arranged, now I just need to put all the crap back where it belongs. I've been sweeping as I go along -- getting all those dust bunnies that hide under furniture knowing that the chances of me moving a piece of furniture to go after it is pretty much non-existent. Unfortunately I've run into a bit of a problem. I have two brooms -- I have no idea why I have two brooms but I do -- and for the life of me I can't find the dust pans that go with either one of them. I know I brought them out of the closet with the brooms but they have totally disappeared. I can understand how one could have landed underneath at pile somewhere but both of them? I know they'll turn up eventually, I'm just wondering where.

There are a couple of other things I hope to find -- my iPod nano - it's pink and has been missing for months; my address book; my Target gift card I got for Christmas; and Jimmy Hoffa. I only hope to find Jimmy for the possible reward that could be involved. I'll keep hunting. Wish me luck.

Here dust pan, come here little dust pan, come to mama.

RIP Geraldine Ferraro

I was sad to hear of the death of Geraldine Ferraro. I skipped out of work to go to the Capitol and see VP Mondale introduce her as his nominee. It was a wonderful day. I'll never forget that day. Even though we knew Mondale had a snowball's chance in hell to win and Ferraro was probably an effort to at least spice up the election, it was a great day.

I had a busy weekend. First, my orthopedic furniture arrived on Friday. My brother and nephew came and moved my old couch into my office on Saturday so for a day it looked like I lived in a furniture store. Poor Freckles kept looking at the new furniture like what the heck is this for and when can I get up on it. I finally let her up on the loveseat with me last night. She was not pleased. It use to be after some serious petting and scratching from her mom, she would go to the end of the couch where she could curl up in a ball and sleep. Well now there's no where to go. And then it is so much higher than the old couch (remember orthopedic furniture) and it is not an easy jump to the floor. I don't think she'll be up there too often again. Luckily her old couch is still available and there's always one of her five beds to lay on.

Friday night was my sparent mom's birthday. She has been talking about the Arby's fish sandwich and so I offered to buy some Arby's and bring it for dinner. Only problem was when I got to the house there were fish sandwiches (which I don't like) and no beef 'n cheddar for me. They had forgotten to put it in my order. I hate it when that happens. Oh well. Sunday night I went out to dinner with my family for my sister-in-laws birthday. We went to Osaka in Bloomington. It is one of those restaurants where they cook right in front of you. The shrimp was great and so was the fried rice. There is something very frightening about having someone throwing knives and setting things on fire about 3 feet from you. If I'm going to get stabbed or burned from cooking I can do that in my own kitchen -- I don't have to go out.

The rest of the weekend was moving furniture. The place is a mess but I do have all the furniture where it should be. It looks like a tornado came through but at least I can blame it on moving furniture -- on those other days when it looks like a tornado came through and the furniture hasn't been moved I have to blame it on those messy little elves who just insist on coming in here and moving junk into the middle of the room or piling things high on the dining room table. They are bad little elves and I should spank them but they seem to enjoy that. They apparently are also perverted little elves.

Okay time to start another fun week at work. I wonder what the crisis du jour will be? I can only hope it involves a lost file.

A New Team for Minnesota

Well just in case you haven't heard the good news the Lingerie Football League (I'll say that again just so you know it's not a typo - the Lingerie Football League) is coming to Minnesota. Until yesterday I never knew this "sport" even existed. And it's big. The LFL currently has 10 teams and they are expanding to 14 teams. Thankfully Minnesota is included - and they will be playing at the city-owned Target Center. Yes, now Minneapolis is in the lingerie business. I guess since Hooters left Block E they felt they needed something new to fill the sleaze factor for downtown.

The LFL is looking for a good name for our team. The other teams have names such as: San Diego Seduction, Dallas Desire and Orlando Fantasy. Those sure sound like tough teams to me. I'm leaning towards names for our local team like Northern Naughty, Minnesota Muffins or Twin Cities Titties -- we could be Minnesota - the team of 10,000 wet dreams.

Tryouts are coming up. I may have to sign up. If that doesn't put an end to the LFL, nothing will.

Just A Quick Note

I'm off to my yearly exam ... oh boy. I have 1 hour to lose 50 pounds and reduce my cholesterol and lower my blood pressure and improve my blood sugars. It should make for an interesting car ride.

I hate this day every year -- couldn't I just phone it in? Why can't we have virtual physicals? I've had the same doctor since 1988 so it's not like anything is going to be a surprise to her, but some how I keep thinking she calls up all her doctor friends and tells them about this medical disaster she saw today. Oh well. I better get going. I want to get there before all the instruments start to warm up. Nothing quite as much fun as a cold speculum to start your day.

I've Got Good News, Semi Good News and Bad News

The bad news is that my mom's only cousin, Bob Scudder, passed away. This is a picture of him, my mom and their grandmother. I'm thinking it is around 1934 or 35. Like my dad's brother, my Uncle Dick, who passed away in December, Bob was the last of his generation on my mom's side. He was 93 and a colonel in the Air Force. He lived in California and was so filled with life right up until the last few years. I hadn't talked to him for a while because his hearing had gotten pretty bad and it was hard to have a phone conversation. Still, I'll miss knowing he is here with us.

The semi good news is that my friend Lisa found out the lab reports came back as benign. The problem is they aren't sure if they got all the right cells. The surgeon is out of town and they have to talk to her when she gets back. If they didn't get all the right cells Lisa may have to have the procedure done all over again. That would suck. If they did get all the right cells that means it is benign. Semi good news.

And now, for the good news, I got into the Fringe!!! Yippee!!! So now all I have to do is write the show, practice the show, and perform the show. Did I say good news? Yes, I'm looking forward to doing another show. For right now, my working title is, "Change Your Underwear; Change Your Life." It would be a look at the world of self-help. That could change, much like your underwear.

And, let's not mention the weather or I may have to hit someone.

I Don't Want To Get Up

I should have been a bear -- hibernation suits me well.

Yesterday Freckles had her first roll in the grass. She was ecstatic. Running and rolling and then looking at me as if to say "It's back; the grass is back." So much fun for both of us. Of course, no rolling today, in fact I'll have trouble getting her to just go out and go. She doesn't like the rain.

Lisa hasn't heard yet from the doctor. She has decided it's because it's good news so they were calling others and I'm going to go along with that theory. She is so funny. I have found little gifts that she has left me all over the house. There was some gum and a packet of shamrock seeds. It's like an Easter egg hunt. She says there is more. I can't wait to find them. I'll feel better when I hear the good news for myself.

Well I'm back to work after a long long weekend. I don't suppose the elves visited my office and did all my work -- no, of course not -- those bastards are off making cookies and shoes.

An Interesting Weekend

On Friday I went with my friend Lisa to the hospital. She had a lumpectomy. We won't know the news until tonight as to what, if any, other treatment she will need. I have my fingers crossed!!!!!

A nurse was walking with us from one waiting room to another waiting room (I believe hospitals are 90% waiting rooms) and she said she was a little depressed that morning because one of her favorite aunts died. Now to begin with I'm not sure why she's telling us this -- we are already depressed because we are at a hospital but I thought I'd let that one slide. I can't remember why but then she told us that her aunt died "from complications during surgery." I know I'm not a health care expert, nor do I have a psychology degree, but I'm pretty sure you don't tell someone going into surgery that your aunt just died from complications due to surgery. It's probably the same reason that airlines don't tell you about near misses while you are boarding the plane or health clubs don't have signs on equipment such as "Bob Smith Memorial Treadmill -- He Went Out Jogging." I think we all know life is a big crap shoot but we'd rather not be reminded.

I had a writing class with Lizz Winstead. Lizz was the original creator of "The Daily Show" and is also a Southwest High School graduate. If you go to this link you will see the results of my group writing experience. I'm not much for group writing or group anything -- perhaps I've been working in the business world long enough to know that nothing good comes from committees or groups. I kept worrying that we were going to end up with an organizational chart and bullet points.

Other than my unnatural fear of group think, the class was fantastic except the room was so cold I thought I'd never feel my toes or nose again. But they had excellent cookies so that made up for the potential hypothermia.

Top Of The Morning To You

Happy St. Paddy's Day. It's when everyone wants to be Irish but only a chosen few really are!

I need to make a clarification to yesterday's post -- I didn't turn the big Five-Oh, that happened many moons ago -- I was referring to the temperature. After such a cold and long window we finally got into the 50s yesterday and it was wonderful. A lot of the snow is melted away. People were out in shorts. It's crazyville at the first sign of spring around here. I love it.

On the home front I am dealing with a toothache that comes and goes. When it's here it's horrible. I have a tooth that needs to go to tooth heaven but I'm trying to wait until after April 1 because my Flex Benefits kick in and so I'll have money for the co-pay. Only 2-1/2 weeks to go. I can do it, I think.

I won't be posting tomorrow morning because I will be at the hospital with my friend Lisa. She has breast cancer and is having surgery tomorrow. Of course it's day surgery because we don't want the CEOs of all those insurance companies to have to make only 2 million dollars instead of 2.5 million dollars, so she's going to come and stay with me for the weekend because she can't be by herself. I just know she'll be okay but I'd appreciate you sending good thoughts and prayers, if you're a praying kind of person, her way. She is probably one of the kindest people I know and I know she's scared. So good thoughts are welcome.

So have a good St.Paddy's day. If you are going to be "celebrating" tonight don't be stupid or if you're going to be stupid at least don't drive. I'm sure St. Patrick was sober when he drove the snakes out of Ireland so you should be too.

The Big Five-Oh Today

I had to buy it ... I just had to. A candy cross. Every year I see this I am still amazed that someone continues to make it. Perhaps it's because people like me continue to buy them. And even better yet, if you read the ingredients you will find that they are Kosher. I'm not a religious person but I just don't think Jesus died on the cross so we it could be commemorated in a tasty little snack. I'm waiting for marshmallow Peeps in the shape of the apostles. Remember you read it here first.

Going to be in the 50's today. I may have to run naked through the streets. No I think after this winter people have suffered enough.

Insanity -- Catch the Fever

I found this the other day. I think it is a wonderful piece of advice and am passing it on. I think it was written by Earnie Larson, but I'm not sure.

Ten Commandments of Insanity

1. I am responsible for others happiness.
2. Everyone must approve of me.
3. If someone else is unhappy it must be my fault.
4. I can change others.
5. I am responsible for another person changing.
6. I can't fail.
7. Some else will do it for me.
8. I need no one.
9. My happiness depends on others.
10. I am not responsible for the consequences of my own behavior.

Certainly worth thinking about. Oh by the way, has this made you happy? Do you like it? If not, how can I fix it?

I Feel The Earth Move Under My Feet

I thought I'd give you hope this morning ... this picture was taken on May 2nd last year. It's not that far away -- I hope.

Of course when you look at the pictures from Japan I guess a few snow storms are not so bad. I saw a report where they were talking about how the tsunami was affecting the west coast of the US and they had the absolute nerve to show some guy at the marina in Santa Monica complaining how the waves almost knocked his boat into another boat. I can't understand how the media doesn't focus more on the poor boat owners in California. They are suffering so. I gave money to the Red Cross who will hopefully help those brave skippers through this trying time.

One of my big fears in life is an earthquake. Every time I go to California I have in the back of my mind a little mantra "Please don't have an earthquake; please don't have an earthquake." I also have in the back of my mind "Please let me run into Keifer Sutherland; Please let me run into Keifer Sutherland."

Ever since I took geology at the University of Minnesota and the professor talked about how a big earthquake would occur on the west coast -- not might but would -- I have thought about that. And lately more than ever. When I was in California for a wedding last summer my friend Geri said she hoped there was an earthquake so she could feel what it was like. I wonder if she's rethinking that idea.

On the other hand, I admit that every time I drive over the 35W bridge that was rebuilt after it collapsed a couple years ago I say "Please don't let me fall in the river; Please don't let me fall in the river." It's nice to know paranoia is flexible and can generate anew.

It's funny how the mind works. When I'm flying I never think about the plane crashing or when I'm driving 70 mph in a convertible I never think about getting in an accident or when I'm laying on the couch watching TV and eating potato chips I never think about my arteries clogging. Although every once in a while I think about falling and hitting my head and going into a coma and no one finds me for days but by then it's too late because Freckles has started to feast on me. Yep it's funny how the mind works.

Here comes the weekend

If you're sappy and you know it clap your hands.

Good morning -- Friday, the best day of the work week. My friend John (the one I had lunch with the other day) used to say "Oh it's Friday -- only two more work days until Monday. Thankfully I'm not in that boat anymore.

I'm very excited because tomorrow I go out to breakfast with some friends and I've been looking forward to this for a long time. We were suppose to meet before but it keeps snowing. So I have my eyes crossed, and fingers crossed, and everything else, that it won't snow us out again. I think that's one of the big things I don't like about winter is that I rarely make plans ahead of time to do anything. Especially if it involves buying tickets. You never know if it will be snowing like crazy, or too cold to go out, or icy roads, etc. So I'm hoping tomorrow will be a good weather day.

Freckles is much better ... taking her medicine and being pampered. Of course her medicine is well disguised in a hunk of peanut butter. It reminds me of Viactiv and those other products that "hide" calcium in chocolate. My friend's mom gave me a box of them once and I was "taking" way too much calcium for one day. I think I better stick to those gigantic pills that are hard to swallow. When my brother was little out mom tried to hide a pill in some jelly. He got down with breakfast and announced the jelly was good "but I spit out the seed." Kids are not stupid.

Get Me Out Of Here

I took this picture yesterday at the vet's office. After Freckles was brought back into the exam room -- they had taken her outside to try to get her to pee -- she immediately walked over to the door and sat there and stared at it -- she wanted to get out of there. There are days at work when I feel like doing the same thing. Of course, someone would probably open my office door and break my nose -- but then I'd have a worker's comp claim. I'll have to think about this one.

Last night when I went to bed there was a specific reason why I was going to get up early and for the life of me I can't remember what it was. I need to write these things down. I've learned that with other things too. When I think to myself "I need to get this at the store" if I don't write it down I will forget it. My friend Mary's dad Charlie use to carry a little notebook with him and he would write things down as they came to him -- he called it his "brain." I think I need to start carrying my own brain with me too. I once talked about putting a notebook and pen on a string and carrying it around my neck so I could write down where I was parked, what I wanted at the store, or why the heck I came into the living room. I called it "Cope on a Rope." It was suppose to be a joke, but I think it is now a reality. I just have to be careful that I don't get caught on something and it becomes "Choke on a Rope." I can see the headline now -- Minneapolis Woman Chokes On Her Brain." Well at least I'd get my 15 minutes of fame -- even if I was dead.

Off to the vet

Poor little Freckles is sick ... or at least I think she is. She's had some intestinal troubles (it starts with a "d" and ends with "iarrhea"). I thought it was over but I came home yesterday to my sweetie being in her kennel with a gigantic mess. I felt like the world's worse dog mom. I hate to think how long she had been in there with that.

This morning we head off to the vet. I'm sure it's nothing and that this happens to dogs all the time but I can't just let her feel bad if there is something wrong. On the other hand, I think my hair looks especially nice this morning.

I had such a nice lunch yesterday with a friend I worked with about a hundred years ago. It was at a law firm while I was going to college. I worked nights and weekends and John was a new associate which meant he worked nights and weekends too. We are both slowly creeping towards the day when we can retire in the style we've become accustomed to -- yeah, that made us laugh too. I'm lucky to have friends that I've known for so long -- actually I'm lucky to have friends -- actually I'm lucky to remember who my friends are. Actually -- oh look a shiny object.

Well Freckles and I are off to the vet -- bag of dog do-do in hand. It's such a wonderful fashionable statement.

Oh no...

I used to square dance vigorously right after I had skated to the stables to ride a horse to a fast game. No wonder puberty was a mess. If you'd like to see the video this photo came from it's here. I'm not sure if this is the film we saw in fifth grade but it's pretty close to it.

There's one point in the movie where Molly's mother decides to tell her father that Molly is becoming a woman. Thinking back on my life I would have died if my mom had made this announcement to my dad -- in front of me. Of course that would have never happened because my mom barely talked to me when I told her the big news. She gave me a big blue box of napkins and a torture belt and left the room. I'd seen this big blue box before in my mom's closet and my friends and I thought they were bandages. We colored blood on them and tied them around our arms and legs and ran around the neighborhood playing cops and robbers until someone's mom figured out what we were doing and came and took our "bandages" away. It wasn't until years later that I understood why.

Well I have to get to work and stop those young women in the office from spontaneously square dancing in the lunchroom. They have no idea the damage those do-si-do's could be doing.

Another Monday

Happy birthday to my friend Sue. Hope you have a great day. She has three kids under the age of 10 so she doesn't get to rest much any more. Maybe she can take a birthday nap -- that would probably be the best gift ever for her.

Well they took away my old washer/dryer Friday and now I have more space for junk. And I have more junk than I really need. There's a book out there called The 100 Thing Challenge where this guy decides to limit himself to 100 things - including clothes and hygiene items like a toothbrush and a hair brush. You can find his list here. It's an interesting idea although I don't think I'd count my toothbrush or clothes or shoes. I'm not a clothes horse but I think it's nice to have a variety of clothes if you can afford it. I'm going to work on a list of 100 unnecessary items or perhaps as a compromise 50 unnecessary items. What would I keep? Well to start with Freckles is number 1. My computer is number 2. My car is number 3. Phone number 4 and camera is number 5. Oh my television would have to be up there too -- although if I have my computer I wouldn't have to have a television.

Of course the irony of this challenge is that if you are going to take the challenge you can't buy the book that discusses the challenge because it's something you don't really need. You could get it from the library or borrow it from a friend but it's like watching a television show about how to stop watching so much television or driving 50 miles to a seminar on how to conserve gas. I should write my own book called The 101 Thing Challenge and people would join my group because they get one more thing -- my book.

If I Had Some Pliers

I'm quite proud of myself. I have someone coming out to remove my washer/dryer and I realized it had to be disconnected from the water source. I was going to make my nephew Brett come over and do it but I figured out how to do it myself, grabbed my pliers, and voila I did it.

I have this tool kit I bought at a silent auction and it has all sorts of, well tools. I'm going to have to have Brett come over and explain what all the things it it are for. I figured out the pliers, the needle nosed pliers, the screwdriver, the ratchet (although I'm not sure what I'm suppose to ratch), the hammer, and the glue gun for all my craft projects -- but I have no idea what all those little points and circles of some sort are for. I think it has to do with a power screwdriver but there isn't one of those in the kit so I guess I would have to buy one. This could lead to furniture assemblying, but I don't think so.

Oh, oh I need a wife

I usually do laundry on Friday but for some reason last Friday I decided I just didn't want to do my laundry. Well tomorrow, I'll be going commando when doing my laundry because I'll be out of luck and underwear. I used to work with a woman, Lou, who would just keep buying new underwear rather than do her laundry. She said she had about 40 pairs of underpants. I haven't gotten to that point but it's a thought.

Wouldn't it be nice if you didn't have to do all the stuff that seems to take up our precious free time like laundry, dishes, picking up, cleaning, shopping, cooking -- oh who am I fooling with cooking. But I wish I could afford to get me a wife to do all this stuff for me. Oh I guess I can. Yes, you too can rent-a-wife to do all your tasks such as:

Organize Closets, Clothes, Cabinets and More…
Shop for Gifts, Food, Furniture, Hardware and More…
Interior Decoration – Staging Furniture, Maximize Your Space
Party Planning
Choose Gorgeous Paint Colors for Every Room
Charity Donation Drop Offs
Bake Cupcakes for School Functions
Meal Planning and Grocery Shopping
Pick Up and Drop Off Dry Cleaning
Last Minute Costco Run for Your Bbq or Big Event
Pick Up and Drop Off Your Kids from Soccer, School, Daycare
Office Administration, Filing, Scheduling, Shredding
Bouncer of Ideas
Mind Management
Phone Caller
Order Taker
Gift Wrapper
Clear Out the Garage
Walk the Dog, Feed the Kitties, Run To The Vet
Make Things Pretty
Packing and Unpacking A Move
Ikea Shopping Mate & Assembly
Create a Photo, Book Or Music Library
Errand Runner

I think my two "favorites" are "Clear Out The Garage" and "Make Things Pretty." Notice she isn't cleaning out the garage she will be clearing out the garage which to me means she's going to steal your car and sell your stuff. And as for "Make Things Pretty" I'm not sure that "things" need to be prettied-up. It's hard to make a pile of dirty laundry "pretty" or a room filled with old pizza boxes and beer cans may not have "pretty" potential. I have no idea how your wife would accomplish "Mind Management." I guess she could keep saying "Stop thinking about that!!!!"

I have a feeling if you gave this list to most wives, they would be surprised to see that these are the tasks that they have been assigned. In fact I think the average wife whether a stay-at-home wife or a wife who works outside the home would take a look at this list and add one more "task" -- laugh in your face.

Out With The Old ...

In with the new. This is the new chest of drawers I bought at Pier 1. I've also bought a loveseat and new chair and on Friday 1-800-Got-Junk is coming to remove the washer/dryer that's been in my place since I moved in but has never worked. It's as if, after 5 years, I'm finally settling in. I'm going to paint my living room/dining room this spring. I'm going with a nice light yellow and I'm painting the trim green. Two of my favorite colors. My friend Jean says I'm getting "grown up furniture" and I guess she's right.

Of course my first requirement when it comes to anything new is that it has to be assembled. If I see "Assembly Required" I move on. No one over the age of 50, make that 40, should have to assemble furniture unless they are a professional carpenter or perhaps enjoy doing that sort of thing. Fortunately I have a wonderful nephew who has assembled a couple of things for me, but he has the nerve to have gotten his own life so doesn't really have hours and hours of time to spend putting my furniture together. He is so selfish but he has red hair (at least red facial hair) so I will forgive him. He did, however, pick this chest up for me at Pier 1. I asked him how he liked it and he said "It's you." I think he has potential as a politician with answers like that.

So at 56 I'm starting to grow up. This scares me. Perhaps I'll make a bookshelf out of bricks and boards and get a futon -- I'm feeling younger already.

Call me. No don't call me. Call me.

March is here! March is here! Last year it was the first time we had a March with no snow. Let's go for a repeat performance Mother Nature.

I have a hard time believing the February is only 28 months, I mean days, long. It always seems like the longest month of the year. Oh well it's gone ... let's skip right on to May.

When I got home last night I had 4 messages on my voice mail, which is odd because I usually don't have any. The first message went on for about 5 minutes and I could hear some sort of machine in the background then some heavy breathing then more of some machine. I would have deleted it right away but the heavy breathing gave me hope that something more exciting would follow, but no such luck, Then I got a call telling me I would have to reschedule my appointment for my annual exam, then another message telling me that I could disregard the previous message which seemed to be cut off before the caller was finished, followed by another message telling me to disregard the previous message. Now I'm not sure if I'm suppose to disregard the message telling me to disregard the message or to disregard the message telling me to call. No wonder I had to up my dosage of Cymbalta.

I had the same thing happen at work. There was a message asking me about an upcoming conference and there was an email telling me we aren't going to the conference and so I'm not sure which came first -- chicken or the egg. My life is confusing enough without all this "help." I can't take the pressure anymore, I need to go to the Bahamas or Jamaica or Cincinnati to clear my head. Ha -- there isn't enough sun, surf, sand, and scrubbing bubbles to clear this old head.