A New Summer Purse and A Lack of Enthusiasm

I finally found my new summer purse. It's so much fun when you turn the corner at the store and know immediately this is what you want. I keep waiting for that to happen with men but so far not working too well. I think I must be hanging out at the wrong corner -- the intersection of He's Gay and Already Taken.

Hope you had a good Memorial weekend. Each year I watch the PBS Memorial Concert and have a good cry. I never cease to be amazed and humbled by men and women who have served our country in the armed forces knowing that they are putting their life on the line.

I discovered that besides going to cemetaries, everyone seems to go to Target on Memorial Day. I decided to return something because I was going to be in that area anyways and I found a parking lot crowded with people looking for that good parking spot. I know on Labor Day Target is full of parents and kids getting supplies for the first day of school, but I have no idea what people are getting on Memorial Day -- I suppose supplies for summer?

This morning I realized something important -- I can gauge my mood by how many times I push my snooze button. This morning it was four times -- not a good sign. I can also tell how I'm feeling by how long I just stand in the shower not doing anything but standing there, or how long I just sit on the commode (my grandma said you should never say toilet in public) listening to my shower running. I won't tell you how long that was but let's say I'm facing another day with the same enthusiasm one may feel for a colonoscopy, a four hour flight in the middle seat of coach, or the coming elections.

Well me and my new summer purse are off to face the world AGAIN. Are you ready for us?

I Already Need A Day Off

I know I just got back from vacation but boy am I glad we are having a long weekend. It's been a tough week. I don't know why vacation has to be preceded by a horrible week where you are trying to get everything done before you take off and then followed by an equally horrible week when you have to catch up on everything that happened while you were gone. It's like your vacation is the filling in some kind of dysfunctional Oreo cookie. And not a double stuff Oreo either, a very thin layer of vacation.

Great, now I'm hungry for Oreos -- and by the way never buy the "golden" Oreo -- it sucks. If you never listen to anything else I ever say take my word for this one.

This morning when I took Freckles to the park I saw someone had tossed an object into the pond. I went to look closer and saw it was a snow brush from someone's car. It was as if someone said "I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more" and tossed the snow brush into the pond in a symbolic frenzy. That's the only reason I can think that it would be in there so I'm going to stick with that story. If you can think of a better reason, please let me know.

Remedial Flossing

I've decided my picture looks a lot better with natural light rather than when I have to turn on my lamps. I do, however, desperately need a haircut. I'm thinking a mohawk or a mullet.

I would try to get in today for a haircut but I have an appointment to get my teeth clean and I just can't cancel it AGAIN. I hate having my teeth cleaned - I do like how nice it feels after it's done but there is something about having someone clean your teeth that gives me the creeps. When the hygienist is working on them I feel as if I disappear and there is just a set of teeth in the room. And I know, no matter what, I'm going to get the flossing lecture. I think a person could floss 10 times a day and still every dental hygienist in the world would tell you it's not good enough. I believe their entire vocation is based on the concept that no one can truly floss like a professional can floss. Then comes the moment when the dentist comes in and checks my tongue and under my tongue. Apparently this is to check for mouth cancer but I feel like a horse up for auction. I also flashback to elementary school and when Mrs. Barnes would check our mouth for chewing gum -- and don't bother hiding it under your tongue because she would check there too. Mrs. Barnes was fearless.

Well I better go floss and brush again. I'm just hoping for a passing grade so I don't have to go to remedial dentistry.

Arrivederci Geri -- Have Fun

My friend Geri is heading to Italy today with her daughter for a two week vacation. She went there for her honeymoon 40 years ago and has always wanted to go back and today she is going despite all the common sense messages that tell her she shouldn't go -- I really admire that about her. She's knows if she doesn't go now she may never get the chance five or 10 years from now so she's doing it. Bravissimo (I think that's Italian isn't it) Geri. Now if she and her daughter don't kill each other during the trip it will be a miracle. I'll be watching the news.

There are only a few things I'd like to do travel wise -- swim with dolphins is one, visit my nephew and his wife in Chile, spend a week in New York, spend a week in Washington DC, and spend a couple of weeks in Greece. I hope to be able to do at least two of them someday. I'm very good at someday planning - not so good at someday follow through but you never know when that will change. I haven't given up on me - yet - but it's only Wednesday and I still have time this week to give up.

Today is also Oprah's last show and it's kind of like the royal wedding - I'll be glad when it's over. There is so much hype around it that you just want it to be over so the world can move on to the next big thing - like the do-over rapture now coming to you in October. I would also like basketball and hockey to end. Neither of these sports should still be going - it is baseball season and squeaky shoes and ice skates should be put on the shelf until this fall.

And finally, a question regarding Glee -- Aren't any of the members of Glee seniors who graduate? I guess not because all the love drama will be returning in the fall.

In Perspective and In Pockets

I was watching the Today show this morning and had to turn it off. The news was so depressing I just couldn't listen any more. My biggest complaint is I have to go to work and I'm listening to these people in Joplin, MO and north Minneapolis who lost everything and well I guess I should stop complaining. If you want to hear what fear sounds like listen to this video. You can't see much of anything but it is from when the Joplin tornado hit a convenience store with 20 people inside a storage freezer hoping to survive. Scary stuff.

This morning I was having a little trouble getting dressed. I won't go into details but let me just say both my legs will not fit into one leg hole of my underwear. Trust me. Then I put on my jeans and the left pocket was wet and I was trying to figure out what happened when I realized that Freckles must have discovered the treats inside the pocket last night. Yes, my jeans were laying on the floor -- does that surprise you? She dug into that pocket and ate every treat and then made sure she didn't miss a crumb. She's quite a cleaning machine. If I could harness that power I could make a fortune. I would actually be happy if I could just get her to clean the bathtub.

Have a trauma free day.

Oh Shavings

It's back to work. I really don't want to go back to work. My week of staycation has proven to me that I will never be bored when I retire. I'm not one of those people who say "Oh I can't imagine not working at least a couple of days a week." I'm one of those people who say "I would love to not work any days of the week" at least not doing what I'm doing now. During my week off I did a lot of writing and that was fun. So I guess I would work, but, as the old saying goes, if you do something you love then you will never work again, or something like that. You know a rolling stone spoils the broth or birds of a feather save a stitch in time.

I think Freckles is the one who is going to really have a tough time. She's use to hanging out with mom all day and going to the park and going for rides. This is going to be not so much fun for her.

I feel fortunate that the tornado missed me yesterday. It was about 20 blocks north of where I live and it did a lot of damage in north Minneapolis. Of course there's a new storm a brewin' here -- Pawlenty and Bachmann are both announcing they want to be president. As my hero, Winnie-the-Pooh would say "Oh bother." I believe later on this week I will be announcing that I'll be throwing my hat into the ring and I want to be ruler of the universe. I'm sure I have a better chance, or at least I hope so.

Here's my brush with so-called-fame with Mr. Pawlenty. He was running for governor for the first time and was speaking at the Minnesota State Bar Association annual meeting in Duluth. I worked at the MSBA at the time and was at the meeting and was helping with some sort of event that was outside the arena where the conference was being held. As Mr. P pulled up in his limo, an empty can of pop flew off the table and rolled down the sidewalk and hit him in the foot just as he got out. I went to get it and said "Sorry we don't have a red carpet so all we can roll out is a Diet Coke can," quite a witty quip I must say, to which Mr. P replied "Huh?" and hurried past the lowly worker to shake hands with the men in suits. Who could vote for someone who doesn't find me amusing? It just wouldn't be right.

Well hi-ho hi-ho it's off to ... I can't even say the word.

RIP Harmon

You know it seems ironic to me to have two men in the news for being sleazy groping maniacs and then to have the news about the death of a man who showed the world how to be a good guy. I would like to think there are more Harmons in the world than Arnolds and Dominques.

I'm so lucky to have been around to see him play and to know baseball when it was played by guys who loved the game and weren't spoiled little brats who think $2 million is not enough money.

In other news ... day 2 of vacation was good. Freckles and I went to the park THREE times. The third time she looked at me like "is this for real?" It's been such nice weather. Yesterday though I went shopping -- oh I was a bad bad girl. I bought these great seat cushions but they don't work on the chairs I have so I was thinking I should buy different chairs to go with the cushions when I realized the idiocy of my thought process. So they are going back. I hate it when I let logic rule my thinking.

Well it's time to have fun.

Get Me Out Of Here - Vacation Day 2

They are using a jackhammer on our patio to drill new drain holes and the noise is horrific. You can't hear yourself think. You can't hear any music. You can't hear Arnold Schwarzenegger's career imploding.

So Freckles and I are out of here until noon, when they promised to be done. I can't for the life of me find the cord to my printer so I need to go buy one which means I'll find it sometime later this week.

Other than feeling like I'm having my teeth drilled for hours on end, I like vacation but what idiot wouldn't? Freckles is out of her mind with glee. We go for long walks in the park, and drive around in the convertible, and sleep in the sun. It's her vacation too. Of course, she is sleeping right through all this noise. It's like a miracle of some sort.

Oh yesterday when I was driving to Target this van came around the corner and almost hit my car. It was a bright red van with "LOVE ONE ANOTHER" written all over it. It was part of a youth ministry of something like that. Well the guy driving the LOVE VAN was on his cell phone and was swerving all over the place. Being the delicate flower that I am I yelled "Put down your f*cking phone and try not to kill one another." Yep, I'm pretty sure I'll still be here after the rapture on Saturday. By the way -- what does one wear to a rapture?

Radiation and Vacation

This is a face that's on vacation. Sorry my post is so tardy but I got up early -- really I did -- to go with my friend Lisa for her first radiation treatment and then out to breakfast. If you want perspective on your life go and sit in a room filled with people who are battling cancer.

And yes, I'm on my staycation. It's a beautiful sunny day and I can hear the birds singing, children laughing, and some frickin' chain saw sawing. Oh well.

Went to the Twins game yesterday with my friend Sue and her two boys who are 9 and 7. If you want to have an experience go to a baseball game with two young boys. They ate popcorn, hot chocolate, ice cream, cotton candy and french fries. I only bought them the popcorn so mom is to blame for the rest - really. Auntie M paid for face painting and the cab ride home. We took the bus to the game, but missed the bus heading back by about 3 steps. I really didn't want to wait for 30 minutes so we took a cab. It was only $6 from the downtown to my place. That's cheap man.

And my beloved Twins are playing like they have a load in their pants. We lost 11-3 and one of our runs came after the pitcher walked 4 men in a row or it would have been 11-2. I don't know what's happened to them but at times I feel like they've just given up. It was a sad day in Muddville on Sunday.

Well off to do nothing I don't want to do. Freckles and I have been to the park twice today. She's sleeping now and is probably thinking she is in heaven.

Harmon Say It Ain't So

First off, Blogger was down until a little while ago so I couldn't post anything earlier -- sorry.

This was not what I was going to post but the news that Harmon Killebrew #3 of the Minnesota Twins has entered a hospice care center because he can no longer be treated for esophagus cancer has really touched me. I have a black and white autographed picture of Harmon hanging on the wall in my living room. I remember standing in line at Southdale when I was a kid to meet him and have him sign a picture. He seemed larger to life to me and my brother and all the other kids there. He was Harmon Killebrew.

It's players like him that make me less fond of today's players (and owners). Those guys played not just for money, because they didn't make that much money, they played because they loved the game. I was reading his bio and he made his first major league start 5 days after I was born. I don't know what that means but I like the fact. I hope his last days are peaceful.

Keep The Faith

I'm back. Went to the Twins game yesterday and we lost a heart breaker, at least it was a heart breaker for me. But I still think they will come back strong - if they can all get healthy. I'm going again on Sunday with my friend Sue and her two sons 9 and 6. I haven't been to a game with kids (well chronologically kids) for a long time so I'm looking forward to enjoying the game through their eyes.

Actually yesterday I was in a suite to watch the game. My employer has a suite and I am the "hostess." It is nice, very nice, but I still don't feel like it's a real baseball game if you are in a suite. I mean there's a dessert cart for heaven's sake. A DESSERT CART DOES NOT BELONG AT A BASEBALL GAME. I did find a kindred spirit in Joe, this guy who I figure is in his late 70s who works at the stadium guarding the exit doors which are right by the restrooms. So Joe and I talked about the Twins when they were at the Metropolitan Stadium out in Bloomington. He remembers players I had forgotten so it was a good time talking to him. And he agrees A DESSERT CART DOES NOT BELONG AT A BASEBALL GAME. A smart man that Joe.

When I came home I got off the bus (yes I take the bus to the game) and there were some of our cities sidewalk greeters (aka homeless) hanging out by the corner. There was this one woman who smiled at me with almost no teeth in front and I said "Hi, how are you today?" Well I became there best friend because I saw them. Most people act like they are invisible. So one guy wished me a nice evening and then a Happy Mother's Day. Another guy said it was too late to wish me a Happy Mother's Day so he corrected himself and wished me a happy birthday. A nice finish to a nice day.

Next week I'm on vacation so I'm in countdown mode. Yippee ...

Sorry No Blog Today

I woke up late today,
In this merry month of May,
But if you come back tomorrow,
You won't feel any sorrow

Who Knew?

I learned last night on The Daily Show (where I get all my news) that Minneapolis is the number one gay city and San Francisco is number 11?!? I didn't know. I'm not sure if this news will only add fuel to the fire of those people in St. Paul who think making gay marriage illegal is a number one priority.

Of course, they ran on the platform of more jobs and lower taxes and we all know that the possibility of gay marriage is what is keeping our economy down. Why just the other day I overheard this conversation "I was gonna buy me a new truck this year and but I just can't risk it when there might be some gay marriage going on." "Yeah, I know what you mean, I was going to hire 40 new people to work in my company but I can't as long as marriage is not legally defined as being between a man and a woman." No, really, I heard it. Trust me.

And now that Minneapolis is Number 1 the threat to our economy is even greater. We'll never get a new Vikings' stadium if we can't get this marriage thing under control.

Now You See Me; Now You Still See Me

I was so excited when I ran across this on the web. This is the restaurant where my parents first met. It was next to the Edina Theater on 50th & France. How much fun to have this show up out of the blue.

It's raining like crazy and there's thunder, although I haven't seen any lightning. Wish I could crawl back into bed and just lay there reading and snuggling with Freckles but I guess someone has to pay the mortgage and so far Freckles hasn't looked really hard for work. She keeps telling me if she doesn't get her 23 hours of sleep every day she's just no good. I'm beginning to feel the same way.

This weekend I saw a van on Hennepin that was painted to let everyone know that the rapture will be on May 21st. Of course this creates all sorts of problems for me. My mortgage is due on the 20th and I can't help but wonder if I should even bother. What does one wear to a rapture? I mean if I'm taken (I believe Vegas is giving that a 100 to 1 shot) I don't want to wear a dress because when I rise up everyone below will be able to see my underwear. If I'm not taken (much better odds) do I dress to run away from four horsemen? Would it help if I have some sugar cubes in my pocket?

I know, it won't be so funny on May 22nd. Of course, if it doesn't happen we still have 12/21/12 when the end of the Mayan calendar occurs to look forward to. With the end of the world just around the corner, there is so much to do. But first, I think I'll crawl back into bed and snuggle with Freckles.

Happy Birthday Grandma

Today is my grandma's birthday. This is a picture of her with my mom -- probably late 1930s, early 1940s. She died in 1982. I was talking to someone the other night and said I had to go to bed. She, laughingly, offered to sing me a lullaby and it brought back the song "Kentucky Babe" that my grandma use to sing to me. What a great memory to have float back into your life.

By the way the link is the Lennon Sisters on The Lawrence Welk Show. Oh I wanted to be a Lennon Sister when I was little. She had her own, especially after I read "Camp Calamity" where she was a camp counselor. Of course I also wanted to be Annette Funicello, Haley Mills, Gidget, Petula Clark, and Patty Duke - to name the ones I can remember. also wanted to be Nancy Drew, famous teenage sleuth.I would study these women on television or in movies and then I would spend hours trying to walk like they did, or dress the same, or talk the same. But I eventually outgrew that in my teen years when I wanted to be Mary Tyler Moore, Rhoda Morgenstern, Cher, Twiggy, Janis Joplin. Today, with the possible exception of any woman who is sleeping with Keifer Sutherland, I'm okay with being me.

This weekend is Mother's Day. It's a good day to remember moms, grandmas, great aunts and aunts. I'm lucky because I have lots of great women who I can think of with love.

Have a good weekend.

SEALed With A Kiss

I follow Cosmopolitan magazine on Twitter the same way I follow The Daily Show, Steve Martin and Conan O'Brien -- for the laughs. Well today's Twitter has absolutely blown me away:

CosmoOnline Official Account

If SEALs can find a terrorist who hid for yrs we’re pretty sure they can find a clitoris. More reasons 2 love Navy SEALs http://ow.ly/4NpcV

I thought the news channels had covered every possible take on the Osama bin Laden death, but leave it to Cosmo to find that angle, if you'll pardon the pun, that no one else would have ever thought of in a million years. I imagine CD (clitoris detection) is an important part of every SEALs training. Right up there with NI (nipple identification) and EZPD (erogenous zone perimeter deployment). I imagine they use satellite information and Google maps to study the landscape before going in, so to speak.

With that kind of training and background I hope this year to get me a Christmas SEAL.

Rockin' In Pink

On this day in 1984 Bruce Springsteen released one of my all time favorite songs "Pink Cadillac." It's one of those songs that you just can't help singing along with -- well I can't help singing along.

I'm short on time today (I'm also short on money, height, and dog food) so I gotta run. I hope you enjoy the video of Bruce and you are dancing in your chair -- oh yes you know you are "spending all my money on a Saturday night."

Tossin' and Turnin'

Last night I remembered one of the reasons I liked drinking to excess -- you never lay awake at night thinking about all the things you have to do. I think the biggest concern I had was why am I sleeping on my bathroom floor but I was out before I could really give it any thought.

I toss and turn every night thinking of all the things to do at work and home. The last time I saw the clock it was 12:52. But, in the morning, when the alarm goes off, I have no trouble pushing a button and going right back to sleep -- multiple times. Perhaps I should set my alarm for 11:00 at night and then I would go right to sleep after hitting the snooze alarm.

Well the sun is out, and that makes me feel good. Of course, once I get to work I won't be able to see the sun unless it is streaming through the windows of some big wig's office. I should stand in front of their door and pull out my Oliver or Tiny Tim accent "Please sir, may I stand in your stream of light. It might help me cure my scurvy." Then perhaps I could get a small bowl of gruel and go back to my station. Oh well, as another famous redhead once said - it's a hard knock life.

Slow News Day

"I've never wished a man dead, but I've read some obituaries with great pleasure." Mark Twain. I have to admit I am extremely happy that Osama is gone. He has been like that piece of popcorn that is stuck between your teeth and so you can't totally enjoy the movie that you are trying to watch.

I know that it was Jack Bauer who was the mastermind of this mission. That is why this past season of "24" was canceled. He was needed to plan this event. Thank you CTU and Jack. Job well done.

I also like the fact that President Obama decided to make this announcement that cut into the last 20 minutes of "Celebrity Apprentice." I guess this just wasn't a good weekend to be Donald Trump.

If you didn't get a chance to see the White House Correspondent's Dinner I would recommend watching it. Seth Meyers was brilliant and no one got away without being skewered by him. Of course, he did a lot of jokes about Donald Trump who was at the dinner. These pictures are the reactions of Obama and Donald to jokes about them. Who do you want to party with?