Getting In Touch With My Inner Speilberg

How could I pass up this item at the grocery store? It's like it had my name and psychological status on it.

And look at the new photo booth option .... ha ha ha. There are a number of new options so I'm going to have big fun. Oh how did I get this new option; I upgraded to Mac Lion from Mac Snow Leopard from Mac Cougar or Puma or Tiger of some kind of cat. If the current level is Lion I'm not sure what the next step up could be --- Aardvark. Now that it is uploaded it's fine but what a pain in the ass. After I loaded it I found out it didn't support 2004 Microsoft Office so I had to upgrade to 2011. I suppose after 7 years it's about time but still...

I made my first iMovie this weekend. I heard the song "The Snake" and it made me think of how many women (and men) get into relationships with people who are snakes but they believe some how they are going to be able to change them. And I'm guilty of it too -- boy am I guilty. So I took the song and got photos for well known "snakes" such as Mel Gibson, Jesse James, Angelina Jolie and I made a movie of them. It's on YouTube if you want to check it out. Of course I did this rather than cleaning my bedroom but dust can wait -- art has to be released from the artist's soul, yeah and that's why I didn't clean my bedroom.

Does Anyone Have A Comb Without Head Lice?

It's picture day at work. I hope no one's mom comes and cleans my face with spit on a tissue. Actually I hope no one whether a mom or not comes and cleans my face with spit on a tissue. It's one of those things I try to avoid at all costs -- that and falling into quick sand, and we all know how much quick sand there is in Minnesota. We don't call it quick sand we call it pot holes.

I got a call from the vet about Freckles because there was blood in her "sample" I brought in on Saturday. They want to run another test but the tech asked me "Is Freckles more lethargic than usual?" There's no way to answer that. On the lethargic ladder I'm afraid the next step down for Freckles is comatose. But I'll bring in a new sample and I'm sure she's okay because I insist on it.

I mentioned in a previous post that I'm going through all the photographs I have so I can have them scanned. It is pretty fun to see a lot of pictures I haven't seen for a while but if you do this be warned -- you will have some funky dreams. Last night I was back at Girl Scout camp singing "I've Got Something In My Pocket." I wonder why they don't sing that at nursing homes -- at the end people could take out their dentures and put them in. That would be a hoot. I guess we now know why I don't work at a nursing home as the activity director. I'd have them doing the Hokey Pokey until there wasn't a person in the place without a fractured hip.

Happy picture day everyone.

When Shoes Go Bad

 Well if you are looking for a way to both spend a lot of money and break your neck have I got some ideas for you!!!!!

I must admit (well actually I don't have to admit anything but after 57 years why stop now) if the Crazy Lacy shoe was a flat shoe, and didn't cost a gazillon dollars, I would love to have such a sassy little number. But, even if I was a body double for Heidi Klum and had her money, I wouldn't wear a shoe that looks like that nest stadium in China and the "heel" looks like a scaffold that citizens of Lilliput would climb. Wow I haven't thought of Gulliver's Travels in years. I loved that book. Now, after going to the source of all information (YouTube) I just saw that it's a movie with Jack Black. I'm going to have to get that movie to watch.

Now what was I talking about? Shoes. I think this explains why there was butter on the table by the door (see yesterday's post) -- my mind wanders as much as my body wanders. I guess that makes me MIND WANDER WOMAN. I hope this doesn't mean I have to wear those gigantic Diana Prince glasses.

I'm going to go put on my Saucony "athletic" shoes and head off to work. I may not be stylin' but if I fall I'll be a lot closer to the ground.

P.S. -- Yesterday I said my boyfriend was back on television. I'm not sure where I got the idea he was back on last night but he doesn't return until March. Once again, a mind is a terrible thing to waste - on me.

There Are Cobwebs In The Windmills of My Mind

Well I've finally gone around the bend. I can't find my bus card and I'm pretty sure one of you have it and I think it would be a good idea if you confess and return it as soon as possible.

I actually think I may need to be locked up soon. There was the ice cream I put "back" into the cupboard then this weekend I went to get my keys off the table by the door and there it was, a stick of butter. Once I saw it I remember taking it out of the refrigerator. I was going to cut off a bit of it and leave it out to soften. How it ended up on the table by the door I'll never know.

This weekend I've been working on gathering all my photos together and separating them by size. I am going to have them scanned by a professional service. I was trying to scan them myself but it was taking me a long time so I've decided to take some of my coinage money and get this done by someone else who has the equipment to do this. I'm sure I have close to 1000 photos. Not only will it be nice to have all the photos electronically so I can share them (look out you may have to look at all of them) but so they will be kept for a long, long time. I also have a lot of old pictures including a couple that were taken on the Kelso farm (my grandma was a Kelso) in Hallock, Minnesota sometime at the end of the 1800s. I'm going to scan this and then send it to the historical society in that area. The Kelso farm was not just a big farm, but a lot of new immigrants from Europe began their life in America by working on that farm.

Well I need to find some change so I can get on the bus -- I hope you are happy you bus card thief -- but before I do that I'm going to see if perhaps I put my bus card in the butter keeper or the freezer. With me you never know.

The Super Bowel Lady

Yes, I've finally had to pull out my "oh my god it is frickin' cold" hat out of the closet. Even Freckles was anxious to get back inside.

I have some big news -- I finally found someone who annoys me more than that crazy Target lady. It's that obnoxious woman who talks about nothing but regularity. She talks about it at weddings, on planes, in the stores -- and I just want to tell her to get a hobby beyond bowel movements. Just imagine if there was a sale at Target of Phillips probiotic products and the bowel lady was being trained by the Target lady --- oh the humanity. I must go and try to erase this horror from my mind. AAAUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHH

I Bleed Robitusin

This is my "what's that smell" look. Actually it's probably it's more a "I know what that smell is" look. And why, you may be wondering, are you being subjected to this look. Well let's say that when it comes to aromatic urinary eliminations asparagus has nothing on Robitusin. (If I was at a bar I'd be saying "you can't take Robitusin you can only rent it.")

Last night I watched the salute to Betty White on her 90th birthday which is actually today -- the same day as my friend Curt although I don't believe he's quite 90 yet.

I guess to say I love Betty White is like saying I love breathing. Everyone loves, or at least likes, Betty White. She's the grandmother everyone wants to have. Hell she's the friend everyone wants to have -- even if you have to listen to St. Olaf stories. What would you rather listen to -- stories about the herring circus or about smelly pee? I would only be willing to live to 90 if I can have her energy and wit -- hell I'd like to have that now.

By the way is Captain Stubing still hot or what? 

Get Well Soon -- Yeah right

I'm not a good sick person. When I'm sick I just shut down. I know people who no matter how sick they may be keep going. Me, I prefer to lay down and wait for the grim reaper to show up. In fact on Thursday when I was in the exam room at the doctor's office, my doctor knocked on the door and I said "Is that you death?" She was amused.

Perhaps I'm not a good sick person because I never was a mom. I know moms aren't allowed to be sick, I mean at least not the lay in bed feeling sorry for yourself sick. They always seem to keep going -- at least to some extent. I've pretty much always had the luxury of being able to take it easy when I'm ill.

And, of course, Freckles sees my illness as good new/bad news. The good news is I'm at home all the time. The bad news is I don't feel like going to the park so it's out, poop, pee, and back into the house. She'll probably be glad when I go back to work and she can hang out with the dog walkers again.

And I'm going to get the grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup I've been longing for.

The Big Stare Off of Christmas 2011

Here is a picture from Christmas and one of my favorite pictures. This is my sparent Mr. B enjoying some jerky he received as a gift while Freckles sits there and tries to stare him down -- well actually they were trying to stare each other down. Pretty funny. By the way, Freckles left empty handed or I guess it would be empty pawed.

I am quite excited to announce that on February 15th I will be 3000 weeks old. No really. There is a website you can go to and it will determine some unusual milestones for your birthdays. I truly don't feel a day over 2500 weeks old -- well some days I actually feel 3500 weeks old but that's not too often.

I'm planning to have a little celebration on the big day. Of course I'm sure I'll be exhausted from all the Valentine's Day celebrations on the 14th but I'll try to summon my strength to have another big day.

And speaking of another big day I want to get a HAPPY BIRTHDAY salute to my friend Mary (what a wonderful name) who turned the big 5-0 yesterday. She is one of those people who really doesn't look 50 -- I hate her. She and I were Girl Scout leaders together. We learned how to make toothbrush bracelets together and when it came time to take our girls on an overnight we trekked to the Embassy Suites out by the Mall of America. We went to Camp Snoopy, learned how to forage for a free breakfast, and learned how to play poker using conversation hearts for chips. "I'll see your 'CUTIE PIE' and raise you a 'SO COOL'." Yes we were wonderful role models for those girls.

Have a good Monday -- another manic Monday. 

My Mind Has Gone A Wanderin'

Here is my new watch -- my nephew Brett gave this to me on Christmas; well actually he gave me a picture of it because it hadn't arrive yet but delivered it to me last weekend. I've decided Miss Piggy is a great role model -- she's sassy, loves herself, and she's got a hot guy who has his own pad. (Get it, Kermit is a frog and he's got his own pad woka woka -- perhaps I'm more Fozzy Bear than Miss Piggy).

Last night I spent two hours -- let me repeat that -- two hours playing Angry Birds. Damn you inventors of Angry Birds!!!!! It is like animated crack -- you just can't get off the pipe man! Oh just get past this level and I'm done but then there's another level and another level and you are promised a golden egg. There used to be a place in the Twin Cities where if you bought a pair of shoes you got a plastic egg with a prize inside -- I can't remember where it was but my mom wouldn't take me there no matter how much I begged -- and believe me I could beg for hours and days and weeks. I think today's parents could learn a lot from her -- PLEASE TAKE ME TO McDONALD'S SO I CAN GET A HAPPY MEAL AND CHEAP PLASTIC TOY. PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEZ. She wouldn't have fallen for that one either. I'm thinking it was Buster Brown shoes but maybe not.

Apparently my mind is wandering all over the place this morning. It was wandering last night too. At Christmas they have one of my favorite ice creams. It's mint with little pieces of red and green mints. So last night I got a scoop (okay perhaps 2 scoops) and put the ice cream back. Unfortunately I put it back in the cupboard and this morning found a container of liquid with red and green specks floating in it. Oh well, I didn't need anymore ice cream.

So what was I saying about Einstein's theory of relativity? Oh yeah, I got a new watch -- have you seen it yet?

Back To Reality -- Yuck!!!!

Thought I would show off my new robe. Well it's back to work and no more short weeks for quite a while (in my case it's until Good Friday).  On the office there is this one character, the receptionist Pam, who says "At the beginning of the year I try to wait as long as I can before I use my vacation - I usually make it to the middle of January." I can relate to her feelings -- I'd like to take all three weeks right now and then another three weeks and another and ... well you get the idea.

I have managed to keep my new year's resolution so far -- that I won't make any resolutions. I have so much willpower it amazes even me.

I took my coins in to the bank on Saturday and had $416 -- I will probably need to use it towards paying for my hernia surgery from carrying them into the bank. I put them in two different sacks to try to balance the load. This is a new record for me. Every year I follow Suzi Orman's idea of only paying with paper and saving my coins during the year. Considering a can of pop at work is a quarter and I have at least two a day (don't tell my dental hygenist) that's $1.50 a day right there that goes into my bank. It's actually an easy way to save some money and always fun to see what the total is -- although next year I'm going to make my niece or nephew carry the money for me and I'll give them a quarter tip (gee I'm generous), okay maybe a dollar!!!!

Have a fun day back at the salt mines or wherever the heck you are. I'm going to spend most of the day thinking about when I could take a vacation and where could I go for $416 besides Lakeville.

Happy New Year Part 3

Before

After

 

Oh what a hair cut can do to make you feel better. Happy new year to each of you. I hope 2012 is a great year until 12/21/12 when the world is coming to an end -- again. But right up to that date I plan to have a good time.

This is my third New Year's post. Quite proud that I have been blogging for two years on a fairly regular basis (okay sometimes I just vanish but I always return don't I - kind of like a social disease).

I am proud to continue my traditional resolution of not making resolutions. I have been able to keep that resolution year after year. This is the time of year we all the holiday ads are replaced with weight loss, fitness centers and equipment, and quit smoking ads. Weight Watcher meetings become crowded as do the locker rooms at the various clubs around town. Lean Cuisine goes on sale and they can barely keep baby carrots on the shelves. And fitness DVDs replace the holiday movies. But around Groundhog's Day everything goes back to normal.

I have one goal this year and that is to go out more. I tend to be a home body and I want to do more with my friends this year. Even though Freckles is campaigning for me to stay home more I want to take more opportunities to get out and be with people (although I have to admit I prefer dogs to most people). I know it will be a slow start because I hate to be out in the cold and snow (and it is cold this morning) but I'm going to work on that. So if you find me just standing outside your home waving at you don't be surprised -- I'm just trying to get out more -- and that restraining order will not be necessary (unless you happen to be Keifer Sutherland who is starring in a new TV show starting this month -- yippee).

So to start the year right I'm heading out to see The Muppets (again) with my BFF Annie. I love the farting shoes scene.  I am so classy.