Excuse me but I'd like to show you my injury

Truly I'm not giving you the finger (well I am giving YOU the finger -- and you know who you are) but I am pointing out one of my wounds from my adventures in assembling a shelf for my bathroom.

It seems wrong that anyone who is 57 years old should have to assemble anything. There should be some kind of law that merchants should have to assemble anything for old and uncoordinated people like me -- just to avoid the possibility of maiming yourself permanently.

On the other hand today at work I can show people my owee but really be flipping them off. This could definitely work out well.

Mea Gulpa (that's for beer drinking guilt ridden Catholics)

I have been neglectful in writing in my blog. Sorry for the absence but I have a good excuse ... um give me a minute I'll think of one ... oh yes I was busy working on my Academy Award acceptance speech, no wait, I was learning how to speak a new language so I can go overseas and negotiate peace treaties, no wait, I was working on a cure for the heartbreak of psoriasis ... okay I was reading The Hunger Game trilogy AND wait for it -- working on a website that I'm getting ready to launch.

Am I forgiven ... please?

Tomorrow morning I take Freckles to have her stitches taken out. I've already removed her cone for good on Friday. Prior to that I would remove it to give her a bath or just to give her a break. On Wednesday I took it off for her bath and set it down on the floor. I looked and she had grabbed it by the corner and was tracking it off to hide it from me. What a little rascal she is.

Have a good week ... I'm going to watch the Academy Awards and see if I won.

On The Mend

Is there anything sadder than a dog with a cone head? Oh yeah, it's a 3-legged dog with a cone head.

It's been quite a weekend with my little patient. She is finally getting use to her torture collar but it's taken a bit. When I went to pick her up on Thursday I was sitting in the waiting room and I heard this odd noise coming down the hall -- it was Freckles with her head down sniffing, as usual, but now when she sniffs you hear the sound of plastic scraping on the floor.

Everything was a challenge at first -- laying down, eating, drinking and even getting into the proper stance to go potty. That was me not Freckles. Ha, ha, ha -- I kid (or do I?). But now she pretty much has it figured out except for going through doors. If her cone hits the wall next to the door she stands there like she is now stuck and can't get through the door. It takes her a couple of tries to figure out to move to the left or the right and she can get through the door. She is such a cute dog but if she was a Golden Girl she would definitely be Rose Nyland.

I hate leaving her to go to work, but I think she's going to be okay. I'm the one that will be a mess.

Happy Birthweek To Me

Yes, today I am 3,000 weeks old. Can you believe it? Seems like only yesterday I was celebrating being 2,000 weeks old. My how time flies.

How do I know I'm 3,000 weeks old? I used a handy dandy birthday calculator I found on the internet.

Let's see 25 is silver, 50 is gold, I imagine 3,000 would be some sort of ancient treasure like subatomic particles from a distant planet that no longer exists or pearls from the ruins of Atlantis or a Twinkie that I've had since second grade.

And speaking of Twinkies ... yesterday I was able to buy tickets to one of the yankee games next September. I'm already feeling the loathing bubbling up from my gut -- or else it is the taco I had for dinner last night. Either way -- I hate those f*#^&*# yankees.

So I'm off to celebrate number 3,000 like its 1,999!!!!!

VD IS HERE

Oh he's ever so dreamy...

Happy VD to all of you.  I'm writing this on VD Eve because I have to be in St. Paul at 8:00 tomorrow morning for a seminar and there's no way in hell I'll ever get up early enough to write a blog and get dressed so I can either go to the seminar in my pajamas or write my blog the night before. Since I sleep in an old t-shirt and knee socks I think I better write my blog tonight and spare the city of St. Paul the pleasure of seeing my pale pasty flesh.

I forgot to mention in today's blog (meaning Monday as opposed to Tuesday) about the loss of Whitney Houston. I'm a fan of her music and it is terribly sad how it happened at such a young age and due to booze and drugs (even "legal" drugs) but if I hear "I Will Always Love You" one more time I may have to do something drastic like run naked through the streets screaming "Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

Have an ever so dreamy VD.

The Cone of Shame

Well we had quite a scare on Friday -- and by we I mean me and anyone who was on the road with me at the time -- when I had to rush Freckles to the vet because there was all sorts of blood coming from her eye. She has a growth on her eyelid and it apparently popped or something and when we were out walking I looked down and there was blood all over her sweet little face.

So she has to have surgery on Thursday. I originally scheduled it for Tuesday but I figured if it's on Thursday I can stay home with her on Friday because she's going to have to wear the cone of shame for 10 days -- or at least that's what they are saying.

The last time she had surgery they tried to put a cone on her and she kept getting out ... I was going to change her name to Houdini. I remember many many years ago when my nephew Brett was around 3 or 4 their dog Reba had to wear a cone. Brett called her a "dog flower" which I think is a nice way to put it.

I'm surprised they never made smaller versions of the cone to put on kids' hands when they had the chicken pox to keep them from scratching. Of course I would have just used the cones to do my scratching so I guess it wouldn't help. Perhaps they could be used on pubescent boys to keep them from masturbating 24/7. Hells bells -- they should be put on guys who feel the need to text pictures of their wieners.

I watched most of the Grammys last night. Flipped the channel with Chris Brown came on -- not much into abusive pigs -- also had to turn switch off the dance jamboree and the whole weird thing at the end with that blond chick. I'm not catholic and am not a big fan of the catholic church but even I was offended -- and believe me you have to go the distance to offend me. Well I guess if you don't have talent you have to have glitz. And as for Glen Campbell -- how sad. There was an interview with him on the CBS Sunday Morning show and he had to be reminded that he had Alzheimer's. That is such a tough disease to have to watch someone you love go through. But when I was a teenager I had a gigantic crush on Glen Campbell so I'll remember the guy who sang "Nothing's quite as pretty as Mary in the morning." Plus it's true.

Ouch

I'm having a root canal today ... need I say more?

Okay I'll just say this --- why is something so horrible so expensive? The cost of a root canal could pay for a nice long weekend somewhere warm. And thankfully I do have dental insurance but it only pays for 50%. Whine, whine, whine. I think I'm done now.

Let me just add that I still don't understand why dentist offices have these open rooms so people can walk by and see me in misery. Peter explained it to me once, something about how the openness is suppose to make patients feel less anxious -- well it doesn't. Get some doors with all the money we are paying you!!!! Now I'm done.

No really I'm done.

Done, done, done. Over, finished, amen. Did you know "amen" means "so be it"? Sue told us that on Tuesday night. Okay that's it. I'm out of here. Toodle-loo.

Why are you still reading? I'm done.

Hail Caesar Salad

This is my "Whatcha talkin' about Willis" look. If you don't know what that means ... you are much younger than me.

Last night had dinner with Peter, Sue and Myrna (aka as Sue2) and as usual it was a lot of laughs and kind of odd. There was a lot of discussion about what is and isn't in a Caesar salad and how long a place will keep egg salad before tossing it out. Peter wanted a mushroom and cheese sandwich but never asked for it -- last night it didn't sound so bad but this morning it turns my stomach. He never did ask for the sandwich. Sue still doesn't have a microwave and forgot to tell us the chopsticks story. But the night belonged to Myrna and the stories of her in-laws who are currently living with her. Yikes, if I were her I'd have tossed them out on their ears by now. I keep watching the news for stories of "disturbances" in the northern suburbs.

This morning when I woke up "Secret Agent Man" was playing on the radio. When the song first came out I thought it was "Secret Asian Man" and thought that was so stupid because how could someone be secretly Asian.

And finally, Minnesota republicans -- RICK SANTORUM, really???  He has all the appeal of mushroom and cheese sandwiches in the morning.

I Can Print! I Can Print!

I found some of the cartoons I drew many years ago. I took a cartoon drawing class that was so much fun. I had a few that I thought were pretty good. I'm especially fond of this one.

I think I finally have my computer up to date -- of course tomorrow Apple will release something new again. It is amazing how quickly you can have an obsolete running system. I've only had my computer for a couple of years and I was two systems behind. I am happy though that my computer itself is still the same ... they haven't changed that at all. Hopefully Apple is so busy with iPods and iPads and iPoo (that's my term for all the other shit they are working on) that they won't feel the need to redesign the computer itself for a while.

But the best news is that I got my printer to work ... I've been trying to get it hooked up and upgrade the software blah, blah, blah for a while and last night it printed a page ... one whole beautiful page. I thought I was going to have to get a new printer and while that didn't thrill me it meant I would have to take a trip to the recycle center to get rid of the old printer and I said the next time I knew I'd have to go out there I was going to take my old TV with me. It is about 12 years old is gigantic and I only get 3/4 of a picture on it now that everything is HD. But I swore I wouldn't get a new one until this one either gave out or I had to go to the recycling center with something else (like my hips or knees). So the old monster gets a reprieve (the TV not me).

Time to head off to the salt mines. I wonder if people who actually work in salt mines say it's time to head off to the office. I'll have to think about that ....

Just Say No To The Bowl

Everyone who didn't watch the Super Bowl raise their hand.

I guess for all the hype about the game and the ads and all I just let it pass me by. And I'm not a Madonna fan so seeing her thrusting herself on the 50 yard line did not appeal to me at all. I did go and see the movie "Descendants" and now seeing George Clooney on the 50 yard line thrusting himself .... well that would be a different story all together huh?

Happy Monday ... It's February 6th and I made it through the Crate & Barrel media console sale without spending $600 on a TV console that I so loved but just can't afford.  I figured if I win the lottery it won't matter if it is 15% off and I'll buy it then.  Besides I get to spend $600 on something much more fun -- a root canal. Yippee.

I better learn to be happy with the furniture I have because I have a feeling my future will involve spending more on health care than on decorative care. But oy that is a nice console.

Reruns Suck!!!!!

What's up with all the reruns? Do the networks think we are all too busy watching the "debates" to watch other shows?  It is especially annoying for shows like Revenge, where the storyline carries over to the next episode. Now I have to go back and watch the last episode because I can't remember what happened when it ended.

Oh well, reruns has given me more time to have fun on my computer -- no not the one-handed kind of fun that teenage boys, and non teenage boys, and apparently all boys have -- I'm making movies. No not the kind of movies that ....

Finished up two movies last night that I had been wanting to do for a while ... both feature my favorite thing ... no not Keifer Sutherland -- DOGS!!!! And don't tell me Keifer is a dog or it may come to fisticuffs.

The first was inspired by the story of Jon Tumilson and his dog Hawkeye. Jon was killed in a helicopter crash serving overseas and when they had his funeral, Hawkeye held vigil at his coffin. It was so sad, yet it was such a great story about dogs and the people they love.

The second is just a salute to dogs. It includes a lot of the dogs of my friends and coworkers. You may notice a certain beagle appears in there once or twice (or more). Hey if Ron Howard can have his brother in all his movies I can have Freckles in all my movies too.

Now all I need is a backer and I'll stay home all day and make these masterpieces and take naps.

A Total Waste of Money

I try not to get "political" on my blog but when I say how much money is being spent on the stupid Minnesota marriage amendment I just couldn't shut up. The catholic church has spent or donated $750,000 -- 3/4 of a million dollars. Now if you ignore the fact that they are a non profit and suppose to not be political I can't help but think how many people would have been helped with $750,000. Between the two sides almost $3 million dollars has been spent (or donated) for this cause. I just think it is sad. The "slogan" of the group supporting the amendment is "One Man, One Woman" -- I think they should change it to "One Man, One Woman; Rinse and Repeat."