All Beagles Look Alike!!!

 Well guess what I'm going to get perhaps this week or weekend? Yes, a giant television! No, a giant television is way too much work. No I'm getting a new pal. I want another beagle and here are my finalists. Homer is on the top, Cuddles is next, Paulette, and then rootin' tootin' Frances. Now Frances and Cuddles are in Wisconsin -- Cuddles being just over the border but Frances is about 2.5 hours away. Homer and Paulette are Twin Cities dogs. Of course, now I want all of them. There's a one dog limit in our building but I was thinking if I got all beagles and took them out one at a time perhaps no one would notice!!!!! Well it's a thought.

Yes I still cry about Freckles and if I had that kind of power she'd still be here with me ... but despite what you may have heard, I don't have that kind of power. But I have lots of love and there are, as you can see, lots of dogs who need a mama as crazy as me. These dogs are all adults or seniors but they are the ones who need homes more than any others. People want puppies and youngsters -- kind of like the work force or dating services -- but the oldies are the goodies as far as I'm concerned.

So who do you vote for?

Happy 50th Girl

For those of you who are baby boomers, the song The Girl from Ipanema is 50 years old. If you are younger and have never heard the song you are in for a treat -- the rest of us will just chair samba while we listen. I was 8  when this was popular and of course I wanted to be tall and tan and young and lovely but I was short and white and, well 8 so I was young and perhaps cute. I don't think any of us forgot the song though and this was the look we strived for but, alas, it would not happen. For me it was all part of that desire to be Gidget.  I posted a YouTube video of me talking about this from my If I Don't Marry Davy Jones I'll Just Die show.

Apparently The Girl From Ipanema is the second most recorded pop song in history. The first is "Yesterday" which is unfortunate because it is such a beautiful song and I'm sure it has been ruined by so many in so many karaoke bars.

I wrote a parody called "The Guy From Cost Accounting" and if I can find it I'll record it for you and post it. There's something to live for.

In the mean time, let's spend today doing the chair samba and dreaming we are actually on the beach somewhere with COOL breezes and pretty drinks with paper umbrellas and fruit on a stick.  Excuse me while I drift away .... 

I Hope Good Things Come In Threes

I win! I win!

Now if I can only have this kind of power on those "people" in Washington. The work week would be 3 days long - 6 hours max per day; no one would be permitted to make more than $1,000,000 a year; and wars would be decided by a pleasant game of Jenga.

I also am pleased to announce that I have a new book. It is available at Amazon but only as an ebook. You can also get it at Booktango as an ebook or a PDF.

Many years ago I found a book at the library called 101 Great Answers to Interview Questions and I thought "I bet the answers aren't that great." Having been on at least a hundred interviews in my lifetime I have had many of these answers in my head.

Well let's see ... I'm getting my old 3 Musketeers back and I published a new book. If good things come in three maybe I'll hear good news about my mortgage today or someone will leave their change in the pop machine. I can hardly wait.

So Much To Discuss ... So Little Time Before I Have To Leave For Work

 We have a lot to cover so here we go:

First Happy Birthday to my nephew Brett who turned 26 on Saturday. He got 16 of his friends together and they rented the Pedal Pub and went pedaling through downtown drinking beer and wearing his "Even Jesus Hates The Yankees" t-shirt. He is so incredibly cool. After he was born he was running a fever and had to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. I went to see him and they wouldn't let me in the room because I wasn't "immediate family" so I stood at the window looking at him. One crabby pants nurse came and asked me why I was standing there "He doesn't know you're here" she said and I looked at her and said "Oh yes he does."

Second, the new 3 Musketeer bar with chocolate filling totally sucks. It is like the New Coke all over again. Some idiot is sitting in a room and thinking "We have a top selling candy bar so who can we screw it up" and they did. CHANGE IT BACK!!!!

Third, this picture to the left has absolutely no place on a law firm marketing piece. Someone thinks it does and I just can't bring myself to do it. I would have made a terrible Nazi because I just can't follow orders. This would be fine for a used car lot or perhaps a night at the VFW with pull tabs, beer specials, and a meat raffle. I'm just saying.

And finally, I spent the weekend dog sitting Savannah. She lives down the hall with two of my neighbors. Savannah is also so excited to see me .... she comes running down the street with Mark or Scott in tow -- trying to get to me and that treat she just knows is in my pocket. When Freckles was here I seemed to always have a treat and a plastic bag in my pockets. Well I try to still remember to stick a treat in there for the neighborhood dogs who see me as a Pez machine with two legs.  I am so tired today -- I don't think I slept much with Savannah here. The first night she woke me up barking like crazy. I was trying to figure out what was upsetting her when I realized she was barking at the ceiling fan.  As my friend Pat from Tennessee said "To be fair, ceiling fans do need barking at." She was just not too sure why she was in my home and not her home. But it was fun except for when it was so hot when I took her out. The nice thing is she just would go out and do there thing and want to go right back inside. Good dog, good Savannah.


Speaking of heat ... I hate it ... remind me when I am complaining about the cold in January that I prefer the cold to heat. Let's put it this way -- if I am forced to stay indoors because of the weather I would rather stay indoors because it is cold outside than stay indoors because it is hot outdoors. This kind of heat makes me sick -- physically sick. I believe I may have to go and live in Canada or Alaska during the summers.  I also hate that half my income is now going to Xcel Energy.


Oh and speaking of my income, I got a call from the representative of Wells F*go to ask me when I put under income "I rent one of my parking spaces for $65" what I meant my renting one of my parking spaces. Idiots. Obviously renting a parking space is street talk for being a hooker who has a meth lab where she sells illegal firearms. I was told I should know if I would get a new mortgage by last Friday. I must have missed the call when I was out --  renting a parking space (wink, wink).

Cross Marketing Gone Wild

Well it's back to work day. I have been on vacation since the 4th of July but it's over and time to face the music in the form of emails, snail mail, and all those things I need to do that I have a feeling the work elves never got around to. Damn you work elves.

Yesterday I found out a friend of mine's mother-in-law passed away. I went to the obituary and at the end of the page was this ad and I was stunned. I can understand why the family needs the original death certificate but for crying in the beer is there nothing that doesn't have a $ sign in front of it anymore?

I've seen ads on these pages before but they were for florists and funeral homes (in case reading an obituary got you thinking about 1) getting your affairs in order or 2) killing someone). But who, other than a relative who needs this for estate  purposes, would order a death and birth certificate. Even if you were doing genealogy perhaps you could wait until the body is cold before you order the death certificate.

What's next ... a photographer offering to let you have your picture taken with the deceased? Match.com with a recently widowed discount? An ad blaming the loved one's death on Obamacare?

Speaking of photo opportunities. I saw this picture from the Basilica Block Party:
 

I imagine it will be part of the Girls Gone Wild -- Vatican Edition video collection.  This is real "cross" marketing. And speaking of video ....

It's not Girls Gone Wild quality -- more Old Ladies Gone Mild -- but I am putting videos of my show "If I Don't Marry Davy Jones I'll Just Die) on YouTube. Here is the first part.  Hope you enjoy them.

Well hi-ho-hi-ho it's off to work I go.

Look At What I Bought In 2000

Well there it is again!!!!!! I hate this light on my dashboard. I've yet to have my engine "checked" when they have found anything wrong. I hear things like it's the humidity or some vapor is trapped (I should cal Vaporbusters) or Venus is in the 7th house of the moon. But it's never anything. I think I suffer from Penny (of the Big Bang Theory) syndrome. She even has the same car as me, I think.

I'm taking my car in this morning to have a rattle checked out and they can check my engine too. I hope it's nothing again. I'm going to get a piece of duct tape to put over the light so I don't have to see it.

How was your weekend? "Hot enough for you?" "I don't mind the heat it's the humidity I can't stand." "Well it'll be winter soon enough so enjoy it." Just thought I'd give you the standard heat wave comments that you hear in Minnesota.

I've spent most the weekend trying to clean my "office" aka junk room here at home. I have found receipts that go back to 2000. Yes, it's time to toss stuff. I have a number of items that I'm going to take to work and scan just so I have a record of them but I really don't need a hard copy. I found the top to a clear plastic box but for the life of me I can't find the box itself. I know it is around here somewhere. I'll keep you posted because I'm sure you are interested.

Perhaps I'll find Jimmy Hoffa somewhere in all of this. No, even better, Amelia Earhart or even better than that Glenn Miller. I love Glenn Miller.