Good-bye To A Work Friend

Today we found out that one of our co-workers had passed away over the weekend. The cause isn't known yet, but he's had heart problems so the assumption is that was the cause. I can't say he was a close friend but he was one of my work friends and we got along fine and had a lot of laughs over the last 8 years. He was probably in his 40s and way too young to be gone.

I have to say I'm really shook up by this and I'll miss seeing him at work. He loved dogs and kids and got really angry when someone took the last of the coffee and didn't make a new pot -- really angry. One time he wrote a poem about it. I found this picture on his Facebook page. He loved fishing.

What makes me extra sad is apparently he died a number of days ago and no one found him until today. That is just wrong. In a perfect world no one would die alone.

So once again I am face-to-face with the fragility of life. I'm not going to pretend that this will change me in any way whatsoever because people always talk about how they are going to appreciate each day more and how all the little things that bother us aren't really important and other deep thoughts but eventually 99.9% of us eventually go back to our daily lives and nothing changes much. But I think it is good, if only for a day or two, that people are aware of our mortality and think about life.

It's better than worrying about what Black Friday gift we might have missed.

These are gifts?

I'm going to spend some time looking at gifts that I'm finding in catalogs and I can't help but think -- really?

You know, I can actually imagine someone buying this to give as a gag gift but in your wildest dreams can you actually imagine anyone using it? Looking down into a toilet and seeing brown liquid, just can't be pleasant. And even if you can get past that, imagine what the dog is thinking -- oh sure I can't drink out of it but you can drink out of it whenever you want. I imagine some sort of doggy revenge would be in the cards.

And then there's a pillow that while, it could be a very sweet gift, could also be rather creepy if given to you by a neighbor that is rather creepy. You know, like having Hannibal Lecter living next door and telling you he thinks you're "special" -- "very special." Or you might wonder if you are special the same way your Aunt Mildred was special. And of course even if you have a wonderful neighbor, if you don't like this pillow or pillows in general, you are not stuck with having to have this pillow on display all the time in case your neighbor stops by.


I also want to send good thoughts and wishes to my pal Peter who is having surgery on his knee Tuesday morning. He's been told it is a short recovery period and he should be up and moving around quickly. So, Peter, good luck and take care.  Oh, and don't eat the Jello in the hospital.

Let The Holidays Being

Could someone tell me on what planet would this concoction look delicious to anyone who isn't starving to death. In the New York Times of all places. I don't know what this is, but it has enough corn and brown stuff to keep a person grossed out and on the toilet for a long time.

Now that I have that out in the open, on to new items. I hope you had a nice Thanksgiving.  My tree is up and the lights are on and blinking, and just about everything else I want to have out is out. I still have to hang my pretty neon sparkly snowflakes from the ceiling. I hope to do that on Monday night.

I'm glad that "Black Friday" is over. Let's see, some lady in Los Angeles pepper sprayed people at a Wal-Mart in order to have a better chance at an Xbox. A crowd goes crazy over some $2.00 waffle irons at Wal-Mart in Little Rock. And finally, a Target worker who had to be at work at 11 p.m. on Thanksgiving fell asleep driving home and went into a canal in Florida. People were being robbed as they went to their cars, having their bags of goodies taken from them. Way to start the holiday season -- ho, ho, ho.

On a high note (I believe that's high "C") I went to see The Muppet Movie on Sunday and it was fantastic. I have been singing "Mahna-Mahna" all day long. If all those idiots at Black Friday had just been singing Mahna-Mahna I think they would have been in a better mood -- or not. Either way, go see this movie no matter how old you are. There were probably as many adults at the movie as kids. Lots of funny references to the 80s when the Muppets were so popular. My friend Peter and I are hoping a successful movie will bring the Muppets back to television. I think they should have Miss Piggy be a contestant on Dancing with the Stars and Kermit and Fozzie could be on the Amazing Race.

So in summary -- disgusting goulash, decorations almost up, people are nuts, go see the Muppets. Okay, you are now free to roam about the internet.

Look Out Below-ho-ho

So my friend Sue, not to be confused with Myrna who was formerly known as Sue also, was driving aimlessly through Bloomington on Saturday looking for hook-ups for the evening at the car wash when she discovered that Santa had apparently been drinking heavily and fell on his ass, looked up to the heavens, opening his arms wide and said "Where the hell are those damn elves when I need them"? Rumor has it three elves and a reindeer were caught underneath Santa and services will be held on Saturday -- in lieu of flowers memorials are preferred to the North Pole Hazelden Rehab Center (formerly known as Santa Anonymous until that started to confuse people who kept leaving Candyland and Tonka Trucks on the door steps). Hopefully Santa will be back on his feet in time for the holidays.

I'm Thankful I'm Not A Mince

Well this past weekend I put up almost all of my Christmas stuff -- tree, Charlie Brown characters, dancing elves, Rudolph -- you know the typical Christmas stuff. But not as much as I have in past years -- I'm scaling back so it doesn't take me three days to put it out and three days to take it down. Last year I gave away a lot of my holiday items and this year I still have a box filled with items I'm not putting out. I haven't decided if its just part of getting older or if I'm just not that into Christmas as I used to be. Or perhaps I'm just lazy -- no that can't be it -- I took a couple of naps just to think on that possibility and came to the conclusion -- no that can't be it.

Tonight I'm going to pick-up, I mean bake, a pumpkin pie to bring to Thanksgiving dinner at my brothers. I love pumpkin pie -- with or without whipped creme. Don't understand how anyone could eat mincemeat pie. First off I think that it's just wrong to hunt mince and the corporate farms that raise mince treat them poorly. Makes those egg farms look like Club Med. Speaking of eggs did you see the sign they put up at Target?

Due to unavailability, eggs are not available at this location.

Really, unavailability causes things not to be available?!? Perhaps we should send a note in our bill payment envelope -- Due to unavailability, money is not available from this person -- might be fun to see their response.

I can't watch the egg farm video -- it would make me too sick. I didn't eat meat for about six months a few years back. I may go back to my vegetarian ways -- and I'll start by not eating any mince.

The Pilgrims Have A New Look

I found this image on the left of the "pilgrims" in the free clip art library for Microsoft. You know I'm thinking perhaps we've gone a little too far in the world of diversity. Apparently in Bill Gates' world (aka Gatesland) the pilgrims were also the models from United Colors of Benetton.  Really, is it just me but do the pilgrims look like they are 1) Norwegian (if you look close you'll see he has blond hair), 2) African and 3) Asian? Apparently in Gatesland's quest to embrace diversity they forgot the Indians (aka Native Americans) -- oh I get it I get it the brown pilgrim is actually a pilgrim from India -- in fact he is probably on Gatesland's tech support team in India or it's Rajesh Koothrappali from The Big Bang Theory. Well either way -- I'm thinking that this clip art is, well, pathetic.

I guess the king of the PC went a little too far to be PC. (Get it that was really quite clever because PC = both Personal Computer and Politically Correct -- wow not bad for a Monday morning).

Have a good week. Be thankful you aren't a turkey.

The Return of the Crazy Target Lady -- Yuck.

Oh shit ... she's back.

Now I love the woman who plays the part -- Maria Bamford -- she's hysterical and a very nice person. But I can't stand the crazy Target lady ... she's like June Cleaver on steroids.

And speaking of Target -- anyone going shopping at midnight on the Friday after Thanksgiving? I used to work stocking shelves overnight at Target and I've spent enough midnights at Target to last me a lifetime. I just pray that the people who show up don't carry box openers like we used to -- I kept waiting for a knife fight to break out between the Hosiery and the Sporting Goods department.  "That's my pneumatic lift dolly," "No it's my pneumatic lift dolly," bang-biff-boom. It was nerve wracking tension like that all the time. One time I was suppose to take an entire cart filled with toothbrushes and put them on the correct peg. A cart full of toothbrushes -- well there's a space between the wall of one aisle and the wall of the other aisle and one day when they moved those walls they found about 300 toothbrushes that someone had placed there for safekeeping.

I just can't imagine people wanting to shop at midnight -- well at least shop at Target or Best Buy or whatever the hell else is open. Now I've been known to stop late at an all night grocery store on my way home from something or another because there is such thing as an Oreo emergency or a Ben & Jerry crisis but ...

Perhaps I don't have the spirit of Black Friday shopping. I'll work on that between now and the stroke of midnight 11/24 or is it 11/25 -- I've never been clear on that. Is midnight the start of the new day or the end of the old day. I have a headache now.

Slippers Sliding Away

Over the past year or so I've been finding these little pieces of green plastic on the floor of my home. It's been driving me crazy because I have no idea where they were coming from. They had obviously broken off of something but I didn't know what. Well the other night I was walking around in my slippers when it felt like something was stuck to the bottom so I took them off and looked and lo and behold there is where the green plastic has been coming from. The bottom of my slippers have been falling apart slowly and leaving little deposits all over the place. I guess I need new slippers. I'm pretty sure I've had these for around 12 years. But they are so comfortable I had to give them up but I guess now that they are falling apart I will need to say goodbye. I have seen these slippers that you can wear outdoors that I might get. That way I can wear them when I have to run outside with Freckles before we go to bed.

Last night I found her sitting by the bedroom door ... she wanted to get into bed and cuddle. Isn't that cute. Now if I could just get Keifer Sutherland to do the same thing ...

It's All About Peter

Peter called and is mad because I didn't do a post on my blog so here is a post on my blog per Peter's instructions:

1. Wear something in my hair like I did before

2. Smile

3. Have a crazed look in my eyes like I'm going to kill someone.

I hope you're happy Peter ... it's all about you. By the way I sent him a "gift" via iTunes that he hasn't opened. But the rest of you can see it here.

Okay, now I'm back to my semi-vacation.

Three Days at Home -- Yippee

 I'm on a three day vacation. What do I plan to do? Well I was going to go to the beach and sunbath naked but I guess it's a little too chilly for that. Then I thought I'd go to Treasure Island and win millions of dollars but it's such a long drive from here and I don't want to get that song from the ad stuck in my head AGAIN (the voices hate that song). So I thought perhaps I would jet off to Paris to pick up some new clothes for the winter but I remembered I'm not a size 2 so I'm sure they don't have anything that fits.

So what do I plan to do? I'm taking three days to write and to create some videos. Yes, I'm going to do some videos of new material and some stuff from my past Fringe shows. I'm also working on a new and improved blog -- stay tuned.

So watch for the launch soon.

A Very Odd Gift Opportunity

You know I don't think I would have a friend in the world on December 26th if I gave people colored toilet paper as a present. Why would anyone want this? I remember you use to be able to buy TP that was pink or blue or had flowers on it but that isn't available anymore (or at least I don't recall seeing it) and I've seen Christmas TP - in fact my friend's mom had received some as a joke and gave it to me to use because she knows how I like to decorate for the holidays. I have to admit I tossed it out -- I just couldn't bring myself to wiping my bottom with Santa; it seemed so very wrong.

So, if you are wondering what to get me for Christmas, you can pass on this item. When it comes to TP for the holidays I'm dreaming of a white Christmas.

Product Review

Well the holiday rush of emails and catalogs has begun. I've actually found a new website (http://fab.com/sale/) that has some fun things that aren't that expensive and some odd things that are way too expensive. Here is an odd thing that isn't that expensive.  It is suppose to be for people to drink from but it reminds me of those bags that hang from catheters ... funky bags for sure, but still I think they should be filled with urine. You know I always liked when I was in the hospital to have a catheter. I wouldn't want one forever but it would be nice if you could wear one to bed so you'd never have to get up and tinkle ... but I digress.

This is one of those odd expensive items. It's a piggy bank you can write on -- but it's a $57 piggy bank you can write on. If you spend $57 on a piggy bank you probably don't need a piggy bank. I have a jug that I fill with change all year long and then cash it in around Christmas time to use for my spending. In the past it has come to $300 to $400 but this year I've already filled my jug and am using an overflow jug. I follow the Suzi Orman concept that you should only pay with paper and put the change away to cash in once a year. I think this year I may get to $500 which I will use to buy 8.5 chalk piggy banks -- yeah right.

I think you would have fun on the fab.com site. They do have some wild and wacky items.

Plug Ignorant

Have you ever had some one treat you like you're an idiot?

Last night I was at Micro Center trying to find a new power cord for my printer. This young 20-something woman asked me if I needed help. This was a big treat in itself because they are usually so busy there that it is hard to find anyone to help you. I told her I needed a power cord for my printer and she asked "Is it a Mickey Mouse or an Infinity?" Well I didn't know what she was talking about so I said that I didn't know and she gave me a look like I just told her I was in a hurry because I had a booger hotdish at home in the oven. From that point on she was nothing but annoyed and condescending with me. She couldn't find that cord because it's not the new standard (kind of like me) and I might be able to find it at Radio Shack. When I asked her "Do you know where I could find one?" she said "RADIO SHACK? You don't know what that is?" Well now that I didn't know my Mickey Mouse from my infinity and I didn't know what Radio Shack was she was totally disgusted. When I told her I know about Radio Shack I just was wondering if there was one close by she shook her head and told me to look online.

I have no doubt I was that arrogant when I was 20 something and someone as ancient as 50 asked me a question that was stupid. I wish I had a time machine and could go back and have a do-over and be more patient with "old people" like me. Oh let's be real, if I had a time machine I'd go back and tell Mike Evans that he's a pig and should die a slow agonizing death. And then I'd find .... oh this could go on for a long time.

By the way a Mickey Mouse plug is one with three holes that are suppose to resemble Mickey Mouse's head (?) and an infinity plug is one with two holes that is suppose to resemble an infinity sign on its side. I can't believe I missed the seminar on that.